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140,137 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
I really do love this poem - it possesses this powerful and utterly compelling emotion which you put across in a really beautiful and developed way. It's so clear that there is a past, or memory that goes with this work. I'd say maybe work on separating it a little, so that's it's not as intimidating to read; also, even though this poem is great as it is, I'm curious as to whether or not it would be even more effective if it had some sort of rudimentary rhyme scheme. Just a suggestion though.
I look forward to reading more of your work.
I hardly ever read poetry. I definitely don't review it. But today's all sorts of weird, and I figured I might as well give it a shot...
-You should put a comma after "And".*
-I see what you were trying to say, but that's a questionable way of saying it. It's too odd... My advice would be to find a different word for "feel". I think the simple fact that a word is in a poem lends a sense of metaphor to it, and in this case, "I feel I see" just won't work that way.
-Another comma after "And".*
-The second "for" is redundant.
*These depend on whether the line before represents a complete thought (basically, if it would have a period). The mirror of these lines in the second verse seemed to be preceded by such, which is why it's not here. OrwhateverImeanttosay.
(Again, poetry isn't my thing, so feel free to ignore any of those comments.)
This was striking. Just by reading it -- never mind the spolier/dedication -- I can tell that it's personal. That's what lends such a sense of reality to it, as well as the sense that something's absent. It left me feeling as though the memories are missing something, like they've been detached from the person they are of. In turn, there was an empty space here, the product of loss and longing. Normally, I would say you should add something to fill it, but that was exactly the emotion that this poem represents. It is unresolved, but that's just what it is. *is getting carried away with explaining why this poem is perfect the way it is* Anyway, I liked the themes throughout the verses as well as their repeated structure. Nice word choice.
In other words, this was excellent. Great job.
I really like this poem! Especially those lines.
I Just wanted to comment that this is such a powerful poem- I read it over and over, unable to stop. The imagery is excellent!
I especially admired the last two lines in italics- it ended the poem quite nicely. I have no nitpicks and enjoyed it from top to bottom.