Death and love are not all that different.
~
Both cause pain yet bring relief,
both cause eternal remembrance.
and both causes feelings to cherish.
~
While death causes love to grow
love will cause death to be more painful
We chase love but death chases us.
~
In fact, Love and death are not all that different.
~
Once we find love we feel the bliss and happiness.
When death finds us we feel the blissful peace.
And yet we dread to witness both.
~
Ask Romeo and Juliet,
love brought them death
and death brought love to their family.
~
Because in the end,
Love and death are not all that different
In fact, they are the one and the same.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hello there. I know there's nothing to review much now. But you know, points.
We have heard about love bringing death or death being blissful, but we rarely come across such a comparison. A little punctuation mistakes here and there, but not so much for me to point out (someone better has already done that). I also didn't like Romeo and Juliet, but it's the best example to give, so it makes great sense. Just one problem is that you has written that 'they are the one and the same'. It makes it somewhat wrong. If only you could rephrase it (sorry I can't do it myself), it would be even better. Otherwise, it is still a good poem.
OMG guys this was amazing! I loved it!
Thank you very much for this poem! I think it was very cool))
Keep writing i want to read more from you... all the best!!
thanx!
Keep writing i want to read more from you... all the best!!
Keep writing i want to read more from you... all the best!!
Hey, RadiantDemigod! XD clogs here to review!
This poem has some really interesting ideas, and it explores them quite well. I like that it was comparing love and death rather than love and hate or life and death, as the latter two are somewhat cliche. Let me start this review with some general nitpicks:
First of all, I think it should be "cause" instead of "causes". Also, the way it's worded makes it sound like the feelings are doing the action of cherishing, which doesn't make any sense. I think you might have been trying to get across the idea that both cause people to have feelings to cherish. That's a bit wordy, so maybe change the verb "cause" to "give" or something to that effect, to make it clear that the audience is cherishing feelings.
I'm not sure I understand this line. I think it might be referring to how people join together in times of sorrow, but it just feels a little unclear to me.
"In fact" implies that there's about to be a change in the poem, but there's not. You've just spent all the previous stanzas describing how love and death are similar, so there's not a change here.
Also, is there any particular reason "love" is capitalized?
Okay, this is less of a nitpick and more of an opinion, but I really didn't like this stanza because I hated Romeo and Juliet when we read it in school. It was the most unrealistic "romance" I've ever read, but people still carry on acting like a couple of teenagers getting married after knowing each other for a day is the best and most pure example of romance ever. It's one of the most overused literary allusions that exists. I do admit that you did a good job making it relevant to the poem, but it still kind of irks me. Argh, sorry. [/rant]
And now, for something useful: "Family" should be "families," since they both came from separate families.
This was an interesting exploration of ideas, but I feel like it's being explained to me too much. I feel like I'm sitting in a classroom, making a Venn diagram on love vs. death and taking notes as the concept is explained to me. Yes, you're getting the point across, but in a very bare-bones way. You could try giving more examples, maybe? For instance, talk about the sadness the grandchild feels as their grandparent passes away because they love them so much, but how for the grandparent it's a sweet release from pain. That's just one idea. There are lots of things you can do with this! I almost feel like you have a road map of things to do with this, and now you can find concrete things that describe your ideas more vividly to the audience.
If that garbled paragraph made no sense, please feel free to ask questions. ^^
The punctuation was somewhat inconsistent. I get the feeling you were trying to do good 'ol straightforward punctuation that follows the grammar rules of prose, but didn't always succeed. For instance, in this stanza:
There's a period at the end of the first line. That's great, 100% A+ grammar. However, the next two lines both have periods, which wouldn't be grammatically correct in prose. If it were grammatically correct, it would look like this:
Since the first line follows the rules, but the second and third lines don't, it makes it inconsistent and weird to read. Here's a lovely guide on poetry and punctuation for reference on how to punctuate correctly. It also has lots of information on other punctuation techniques, if you ever feel like experimenting with those.
Punctuation in Poetry
Overall, this was quite a nice poem, and I hope my review proved helpful to you! Keep up the good work!
thanx clogs ^^
This poem is a very beautiful piece. You've compared two concepts and linked them, using clever repetition and other forms of word play. In the end it has come out very well for you.
Content wise, you've made your point very clear about how love and death are very similar to each other and have explained reasons why, in 7 stanzas.
Grammar and Spelling wise, there is no issue at all. I'm not able to spot a single error in this section. You've taken good care of your writing.
Structure wise, you've organized your poem into equal stanzas of three lines, except for the one liners which are fine. Otherwise, you've organized your poetry piece very well.
It is very coherent, as you're comparing two concepts in every stanza. Each stanza discusses a particular aspect they both have in common, which adds on to the consistency of your writing.
You've cleverly used literary devices in this piece. I can find metaphors, personification, and adjectives.
My personal rating for this work 4/5
I'll add a "like" since you got 80% from me
Hi DicergentDemigod and Radiant Shadow, acm here to review your poem!
That was an interesting poem. I really like the idea of comparing love and death, because you don't normally think of them together. Your poem had good wording and comparisons and it flowed together nicely. I just feel as if it was a bit contradictory.
The message it is saying is that love and death are the same, but in the third stanza it seemed to be saying something different:
Here, this stanza is suggesting that love and death are opposites. We're chasing love, but death is chasing us, death causes growth, love causes pain. To say they were the same would be saying that, for example, love ends in pain and death ends in pain.
Here, the poem seems to be saying that death and love have a cause and effect relationship. One leads to another. I can understand the point that the stanza is trying to get across, but it could be more effective if you compared love's grief their families' grief after death.
That's all I have for the review. I hope I didn't sound to harsh, because I really liked the poem. The last line was especially powerful-- it summed up the whole poem nicely and gave us the meaning at the end. I loved this poem, and I can't wait to read more of your work!
--acm
Oh my, that was wonderful!!
Seriously, coming from someone who's read Romeo & Juliet about fifteen times in the past two years, I can tell you that your poem just left be breathless. Yes!! Love and death could practically be one! I completely understand the message you're transmitting, and it goes so well with their story. This notion of death being a powerful, feared, yet unavoidable destination for all of us matches perfectly the whole chasing love. You chase something you can have--but not always get--while YOU'RE being chased by something that'll eventually catch up to you.
Really great job!! I hope to see more of you!
Sincerely, Writer1204!!
thanx!!!! i'm glad u liked it!!!
Thank you!