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Self Doubt

by DivergentDemigod


With warm hands,

but a cold heart

it took me into its arms.

Embracing gently at first,

tightening ever so slightly

with every passing minute.

Until its choking me.

Tight.

Feels like I'm going to burst.

Spontaneously,

at any moment.

I can not breathe. 

Not anymore.

Gasping.

Thrashing.

Trying to get away.


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Points: 199
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Thu Nov 17, 2016 6:24 am
Venuschild says...



I love the fact that this poem has a lot imagery and metaphors.
The only thing I would add is more vocabulary and to add more.
The last two lines kind of seem unfinished. But it was still very enjoyable poem!




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Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:58 pm
Astronomer wrote a review...



Hello there, DivergentDemigod!
This is Moonwatcher here with a review! ^-^

There's a lot of potential in this, but I still think your poem has a lot of room to grow in order to reach that potential. I feel as if there could be a stronger way to explain/convey your emotions. The poem is very generic, and it's all things that the reader has seen before. There's still emotion, but it isn't strong. Try to add more imagery or something, and try to implement some more creative word choice.

I do feel as if you could make your poem a little bit longer. Not just the whole poem, but your lines. Not much emotion is able to pass through, and only a truly powerful piece can really make short poetry work. There's some lines in your poems stronger than the other. I'd say to remove the lines that aren't as strong, but this poem is so short that it wouldn't work. If you do take the suggestion of making this poem longer, I'd suggest shortening the poem /after/. Not all of it, but try to cut out useless clutter, and keep the stronger emotions. Focus on strong word choice/imagery.

The short lines, choppy beginnings, and abrupt endings make the poem somewhat choppy. The punctuation doesn't contribute very much to flow, as the endings only make the poem choppier. Try some commas, maybe?

That's all I have to say about this poem. I hope my review helped you out, and keep on writing! ^-^




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Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:05 pm
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Kaos here for a review.

So you tackle the idea of self-doubt, or at least try to. That was one of the things that I found of this poem, as it didn't really exhibit the feeling of self-doubt and it doesn't get through to the readers. It's generic. We as the readers don't get to really feel what self-doubt is like and we don't get to experience it through the speaker's eyes.

You're so vague with your words that without the title I wouldn't know how to interpret the poem in the way that you're intending. There was just a lack of words. Literally. This poem is quite short and the style that it's written in has short lines but if you were trying to add to the poem in that manner, I don't think you accomplished it.

I don't understand how you described self-doubt fully. You described it as first being a gentle embrace and with warm hands but with a cold heart, but I don't think that self-doubt is something I would want to embrace. When I think of self-doubt, I think of second-guessing as well. It's doubting that you can do something, but I felt you hardly addressed this. You didn't address the idea of it.

Going back to the line length, switch it up. No piece of imagery or fragment of a metaphor is even able to get through with the restrictions of not using longer lines. I think that you could definitely implement some sort of imagery or metaphor that helps describe what you're trying to get across.

Another thing is the punctuation, which was something that ended too quickly and too often for me. It didn't give any room for the images of being choked by this self-doubt. The idea of not believing that "You can't do it. Just stop." is something that I would have liked to see more heavily implemented into the poem--I want to feel self-doubt, but I'm not really doubting anything. I want to experience it and I want you to define what your self-doubt is, use /experiences/, because it's different for everyone. No person can think on an emotion and it be the same as another, so make it yours.

I hope I helped and have a great day!





This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but a whimper.
— T.S. Eliot