Young Writers Society

This poem is quite something. I say this because every stanza, and the content as a whole has a very insightful deeper meaning to things.

Content wise, it's very clear that you discuss the end of your life, while dawn is giving rise to new life and others another chance. This concept was effectively conveyed to me. As I see it, I get the impression that this is some sort of suicide attempt - with reference to the content in the third stanza.

Grammar and Spelling wise, you've taken good care of your writing. Special attention has been given here, and it has very well paid off in the end.

Structure wise, you've organized your content into equal stanzas of five lines. Last stanza with six lines is significant as it is the concluding section of the poem - this significance adds emphasis towards the dramatic effect you try to create, about someone departing this life.

The content is coherent, no doubt about it. I feel it's quite jumping all of a sudden from describing life, to death - that too with knife in hand. It seems quite un-natural in a way, because normally you would expect natural death to be conveyed in such a way. Nevertheless, it seems quite reasonable for this case.

Literary usage has been used effectively too. I am able to identify metaphors, adjectives, and personification.


My personal rating for this work is 4.2/5


I shall add a "like" since your work got above 80% from me

Hey there Divergent Demigod. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Wow. I've been out of the reviewing game for longer than I remembered. There fore my skills are a bit rusty but I thought poetry was the perfect place to start.

I've grown some serious obsession with death...

My serious obsession with death has grown

Dawn was breaking.

Lighting the morning sky into a numerous colours,

starting from a striking purple, ending a pale blue,

the birds were chirping, bright and early,

signifying the start of a new day.

Dawn was breaking.

The first rays of light hitting my window curtains,

illuminating it in the most beautiful way,

bringing in the massive source of life,

into my sickeningly-dirty room.

Dawn was breaking.

Marking the start of a new day,

giving everyone new chances,

as I lay in my bed wide awake, with a knife in my hand,

bleeding the liquid source of life, right out of my heat.

Dawn was breaking.

As I took my last breath,taking in the beauty of the morning sky,

burning it into my mind, as I gave into oblivion,

turning my back on all the brightness,

embracing death and darkness,forever.

Hey! it's Mahvash here. This poem is really engaging from top to bottom. The selection of words and the way you presented them is really very nice. You have amazingly described your condition. And this piece of writing depicts your true emotions and feelings. I would like to praise the following line:

"As I took my last breath, taking in the beauty of the morning sky"

Moreover, You have described the start of the new day and a new chance and at the end you just make a new beginning for your self, that's the dark. I think the irony plus the imagery is awesome. The punctuation is also appreciable.

Well written. Nice job and keep it up.