Dawn was breaking.
Lighting the morning sky into a numerous colours,
starting from a striking purple, ending a pale blue.
The birds were chirping, bright and early,
signifying the start of a new day.
~
Dawn was breaking.
The first rays of light hitting my window curtains,
illuminating it in the most beautiful way,
bringing in the massive source of life,
into my sickeningly-dirty room.
~
Dawn was breaking.
Marking the start of a new day,
giving everyone new chances,
as I lay in my bed wide awake, with a knife in my hand,
bleeding the liquid source of life, right out of my heart.
~
Dawn was breaking.
As I took my last breath, taking in the beauty of the morning sky,
burning it into my mind, as I gave into oblivion,
turning my back on all the brightness,
embracing death and darkness
forever.
~
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
This poem is quite something. I say this because every stanza, and the content as a whole has a very insightful deeper meaning to things.
Content wise, it's very clear that you discuss the end of your life, while dawn is giving rise to new life and others another chance. This concept was effectively conveyed to me. As I see it, I get the impression that this is some sort of suicide attempt - with reference to the content in the third stanza.
Grammar and Spelling wise, you've taken good care of your writing. Special attention has been given here, and it has very well paid off in the end.
Structure wise, you've organized your content into equal stanzas of five lines. Last stanza with six lines is significant as it is the concluding section of the poem - this significance adds emphasis towards the dramatic effect you try to create, about someone departing this life.
The content is coherent, no doubt about it. I feel it's quite jumping all of a sudden from describing life, to death - that too with knife in hand. It seems quite un-natural in a way, because normally you would expect natural death to be conveyed in such a way. Nevertheless, it seems quite reasonable for this case.
Literary usage has been used effectively too. I am able to identify metaphors, adjectives, and personification.
My personal rating for this work is 4.2/5
I shall add a "like" since your work got above 80% from me
Thanx bro ^^
Thanx bro ^^
Hey there Divergent Demigod. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Wow. I've been out of the reviewing game for longer than I remembered. There fore my skills are a bit rusty but I thought poetry was the perfect place to start.
-I'm not exactly sure what you were trying to say here but with the current stating, it's rather confusing. Basically you need to reword it rather than completely toss it. I usually recommend the second option but I think this description can be easily fixed.
or maybe something like
[My serious obsession with death, is always growing[/quote]
-To me this just makes more sense but did the specific wording play some larger role to the poem?
-I haven't come across a poem that I actually liked for a long time on this site. I usually don't agree with the use of repetition but you spread the phrases far enough apart that I don't think it will effect the meaning very much.
-The start is light, not just in the colors used, but the mood as well. The description is of nice quality, a little bare but pretty good.
-I don't agree with the way you ended the third line. I think you should use a period instead of the comma because the fourth line starts a new thought. It isn't exactly separate but it's not the same exact thought either.
-Okay so it's starting to turn a bit darker here but considering the title this shouldn't surprise me. It's about death so there must be a character dying or on their death bed or some similar situation. But I'm still not sure if it was a literal or figurative death. I never know to take these poems as symbols or actual events. If you could just clear that up, I would be happy.
-The switch from light to gray is very careful and I think it fits the poem very well.
-So maybe it is a literal death this time unless the knife is also a symbol of something. Damn I am really thinking over this too much. From now on my comments will treat this as a literal poem.
-And it gets darker still but we have to keep looping back to that description. I really don't have that much to say for individual lines besides a few comments. I liked how you separated the mc from the rest of the world. It's like certain parts of Sherlock/Molly moments.
-I really liked the ending but I think you need to change the last line a bit. Just separate the 'forever' and make it into a new line. I think the line will get so much more emotion this way.
So overall it's a great poem and I actually liked it. I don't give out those seals of approval very often so yeah good luck with more of your poems.
Have a nice day.
I need to continue cleaning out the green room.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
thanx lizz! this review of yours just made my day better
and its about literal death. The idea behind writting this was that even if dawn breaks every day, and give a chance to everyone to start fresh, some people can not enjoy it. Thus there broken forms will eventually give up on life.
Hey! it's Mahvash here. This poem is really engaging from top to bottom. The selection of words and the way you presented them is really very nice. You have amazingly described your condition. And this piece of writing depicts your true emotions and feelings. I would like to praise the following line:
"As I took my last breath, taking in the beauty of the morning sky"
Moreover, You have described the start of the new day and a new chance and at the end you just make a new beginning for your self, that's the dark. I think the irony plus the imagery is awesome. The punctuation is also appreciable.
Well written. Nice job and keep it up.
Thanx ^.^
and plz git the like button if u liked it
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