Doodles

Hey DivergentDemigod, here for a Review Day review,

Positives:

Denting,

bruiseing the paper in the process.

To dent paper? I like it, because it's not something we think of very often, or ever at all. It's things like this that will get the reader to ponder on the concept and what it mean, searching for a deeper moral there and struggling to find a way to apply it to themselves.

Cuts and scribbles

and doodles along the margin,

giving it a personal vibe.

I liked this part, but only because I used to doodle on the margins of all my tests (because I have ADD) and then I would fail the stupid tests because the scanner couldn't read it XD

Negatives:

Blue overlaps blue, in ink.

Black overlaps black

Not exactly sure why, but I didn't really like this part. The fact that colors are only overlapping the same colors doesn't make much sense, and I would like to see them mixing to create something new.

I'm mesmerised by how,

the paper changes its colour.

Especially when you follow it up with this, making the first two lines seem out of place and giving false information

Overall:Besides that one thing, I thought it was well written.

I give it:

Hey there, I'm here for a review.

Let's just get right into it, I'll put my thoughts and some notes at the end of the review.

I'm just going to go a few lines at a time.

My hands glide gracefully along the page,

as I try to pen down all that goes inside my.

Denting,

bruiseing the paper in the process.

I have no idea why but the three words "glide gracefully along" kind of bother me, in a sense. I would like to see those words and assume they all have the same sounding "g". But, unfortunately they do not. Alliteration could definitely enhance writing especially when in poems and song like writings.

This sentence, "as I try to pen down all that goes inside my.", is very unfinished and fairly confusing. I do not believe you have finished this sentence and it leaves me confused and wondering. If you used to maybe signify how doodles become unfinished of sorts, it's a stretch but I could see it.

And in the last line of the poem, right off the bat I noticed that your spelling of bruising was incorrect. I would recommend proofreading and rechecking the little things that could hugely impact your writing style.

Now the second set of a few lines,

Blue overlaps blue, in ink.

Black overlaps black

And the slightest use of red.

I'm mesmerised by how,

the paper changes its colour.

Fast but graceful.

Also again, across these few lines, spelling issues. I have no idea if your were trying to spell it with British English, so my apologies if those spellings are right in British English.

This lines here, "Blue overlaps blue, in ink", it's syntax is a bit odd. I am not particularly a big fan of the "in ink" added towards the end. Maybe adding it after blue, like "blue ink overlaps blue" something like that. Also, just a quick note, the in ink could also be kind of redundant because your main theme is doodling and a reader would probably assume that it is some kind of ink being drawn.

Overall, these few lines were nicely drawn into the poem. Now for the last few lines,

Cuts and scribbles

and doodles along the margin,

giving it a personal vibe.

I'm also not a big fan of the last line. It kind of seems to me you are ending on a weird note. But, I can make a connection to the way a little child would doodle, personal and having a childish vibe. There is also no punctuation between "cuts and scribbles and doodles" it's kind of a long list.

Now for some notes,

I really did like this poem. You have captured the essence of doodling, even if it's in the margins of paper. You have made it come alive in a sense. I applaud you. Good job and best of luck on your next works!!