The street lights flicker
as I continue to walk down the road.
Left right left right left
my foot steps steady on the concrete below.
The silence of the night is thick
in a comforting way,
threatening to spill all the secrets it beholds.
I walk alone on this road.
The chilly breeze calming my nerves.
The dead silence doesn't scare me
like some would say
In fact it soothes me
like a warm breeze on a summer afternoon
would do to you.
.
.
A/N : Hello. So I really wanted to explain the meaning of the poem I wrote above. It may look like I simply described a lone night's walk, but I used it metaphorically so I would like to share what I really meant by it.
By "the flickering street lights" I mean the love/hate of the people all around me. Some people may like me while some may hate my guts , hence "flickering". The street here refers to 'my life'. So basically what I wanted to portray here is 'the street' I'm walking on is my life and the lights surrounding it are my friends, family and so on . By "The silence is thick, yet in a comforting way" I mean tht even if at some point I may be alone in my life, but I never actually am lonely. People may leave me all the time but I do not fear bring alone as I find the quiet in my life quite soothing. "Chilly breeze calming me" here by chilly breeze I mean the challenges and problems I have in my life. They may sting like cold wind but still I embrace it.
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140,828 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hey there.
Before I get into the review I just want to make a quick note on intentionality (cause I'm a theoretical freak like that) and the importance of the poet's intent which is, generally, not at all. Not, of course, saying your reasons for writing the poem aren't legitimate or deep or utterly personal to you cause, as a fellow poet and writer, I totally feel that when I'm in the writing process. Intensely personal poetry can reflect you and your emotions exceedingly well, however the beauty of poetry (and one of the best parts of poetry, might I add) is that the reception for every single person who reads it is different. Intentionality aside, this poem should stand alone without any further need of explanation. Without individual reception, you lose what makes poetry so universal.
On the other hand I will admit as a reader it was pretty cool to see where your head was at when writing this poem.
Now to the review:
You've got some really good sections within this I'd like to draw on, i.e.
I love the feel of this. The way it sits cause silence is usually such an uncomfortable topic or feeling so you immediately put this type of silence in a whole new, wholly familiar light. The kind of silence we all, to a certain degree, crave (like when our heads are all filled up and we just wish we could hush it all up for a moment). Those two lines are by far the strongest within the piece and, in my opinion, deserve to be delved into a little further.
Consider the language here. Consider how you applied the familiar with the uncomfortable. Now lets look at this:
Though following lines that give comfort to your reader, you suggest the reader should think otherwise, or at least that your reader has always thought otherwise by dismissing that comfort. It's rather jaunty and awkward and plays on what you think the reader should feel about the thing without considering the nuance of your readership. People are different; no one person will react the same. Pigeonholing your audience by taking the wheel from them will have the same effect as telling your audience how they should interpret your work; they'll probably be in the back seat sleeping.
I'm definitely jiving with the concept and I love the night imagery (especially a good ol' lonely road). Your conviction to said theme is really awesome too and a great sign that you're headed down the right path.
Just let some of that need to control wane a little. Your readers are smart people too and they'll get something from this with or without an explanation.
DW
Thank you ... I'll keep that in mind when I write the next time ^^
I just cannot say anything because it's just awesome!!
bloody...
Thank you ^^
You welcome...!
Prenote: This is my first review on the site ~ I've briefly looked over the rules and I apologize for any mishaps in advance.
First of all I love how you have used a 'Night's Walk' to reflect the relationships in your life I think it's a creative and outside of the box way of thinking about it as if you're isolated from all this love/hate as you have said.
And the street of course metaphorically representing your life, and the path it will continue to take until you are upon your death bed. I could go over more of the actually metaphorical devices however I think you have gone over them well enough to know and decipher them yourself.
I understand this is meant to be a free-verse poem however that doesn't mean you don't get to use other poetic devices, Such as rhyme and metre as Sharon mentioned. It would give the poem a little bit of self explanatory-ness, if that's a thing. and it would make it flow off of the tongue a little easier and if you were to read this in front of an English class could you keep them interested and listening? That's the purpose of devices and I think you should try and add them in where you can either in the future or in amendments if you choose to take our ideas on board.
I think you could say how the road is a struggle, uphill something like that until you reach a climax and then it all goes downhill if you were to make the poem longer you could go on to talk about ups and downs, twists and turns or you could be met at a divergence of roads ~ And sorry I could not travel both ~ Over all I think this is a good poem and I'll make sure to check out some of your work in the future.
Well first of welcome to the site ^^ hope u like it round here and if u have any problem with anything or just need some one to review your works feel free to ask me
Anyway. As for why I don't use divergence here or even showed any struggle here is because a) I feel that prompt is over used and totally Robert Frost. And 2) I just wanted to have simple structure.
Anyway thank you for reviewing I really appreciate it
Wow, I loved the way you established your life into the figurative language of this poem. I feel the same way most of the time... ^-^
Than kai
Hi! So I am here for a review..
Okay. So first of all, the poem is well-written, although if this is a critical analysis, then I would suggest that the rhyme and meter to be a bit better.. and in flow
Secondly, I personally love using metaphors in general. And I think the use of metaphor to describe your life has been real clever and beautiful.
Thirdly, I think, if you could have made this poem self-explanatory, it would have been better.
Lastly, this is a very nice work.
Hope to see more such works. Thank You:)
P.S.: Such a sentimental work was least expected from a person with "divergentdemigod" as their username.
Haha xD well thanx for reading my work. And I'm gla to u considered my poem to review
Also I ment his to be a free verse poem ... Hence no rhyme
Pleasure.. and no rhyme is fine..