My feelings- its just something I cannot talk about
but science- I can handle it.
So I’ll talk about science today.
*
Biology says, tears are meant for
lubricating our eyes.
Not for showing emotions.
Chemistry says,
Its just a mixture of NaCl and H2O.
Not meant for shedding over mundane fights and rows.
Human psychology says,
when we let our tears flow,
we release all our emotions with it.
We let it out for once and for all.
*
Being said all this,
I still don’t understand why people cry. Specially in public.
I know everyone needs to ‘let it out’
once in a while. But
tears make me uncomfortable.
Not that I’m not human or something
I’ve cried a lot myself,
but since I’m not good with words,
I really have no idea about what to do or even say in situations like that.
*
I don't really fancy looking dumb,
and asking “are you okay?”
Seems pretty absurd to me.
‘Cause it’s certain they are not.
No one will shed tears if they were okay, without any reason.
No one will ever cry just for mere attention.
Nor will asking "hey! such a lovely day,
all sunshine and rainbows" would work either.
*
Its fate or just the ridiculousness of my timing- I’ve no idea about that
But I often find myself in such ‘situations’ ,
where I find someone crying,
with their face buried between their knees
and streams of salt water running down there face steadily.
*
Not to mention,
The way people run to washrooms to get puffy eyed and tear stained.
I mean it feels like they say
“hey! I’ve had a bad day
and want to cry, please empty the stalls!
The exit is that way, thank you.”
without actually saying anything.
*
I don’t want to sound cold or harsh or anything
But when people cry out in public,
it seems pretty childish to me.
They basically break down to their weakest,
for the world to see,
and choose between either pitying or picking on them.
*
Expressing emotions has never been my cup of tea
No matter how close the person be to me
I can never talk about how I feel,
and crying out in public
"oh lord!" I really cannot take it.
The sobbing and the comforting
its just not a part of me.
and when I see others doing it, I feel so bad,
I practially run out of site to go and hide somewhere
the broken sound of teary people cannot reach me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,819 Reviews
Hi, sunshine! I hope you're having a FANTASTIC day today!
You wrote a lot! And anyone can easily see that you were passionate about getting your thoughts out there.
There are, however, quite a few grammatical and spelling errors, which is something that you can definitely work harder to improve!
For example, in the first line, "its" should be "it's". Contractions are hard! "Its" indicates possession, like "its dog," or "its hamburger". "It's" stands for "it is," which I think you were going for! Correct me if I'm wrong.
Third stanza, second line. "Specially" should be "Especially," unless you wanted to add a little slang to your poem. If you wanted to, the correct spelling would be 'specially.
Oh, and it's just me being nitpicky, but every time you begin a dialogue, I suggest you begin with a capital letter! Capital letters are fun!
Keep writing, sunshine!
Hello there!
I'm not sure that I can relate to the feelings expressed in this poem. Sure, when people I come across begin to cry, I am perhaps a bit embarrassed to witness them in their weakest state, but it's not that I would rather have them go away. When they cry in front of me, it's either that they don't care if I see them, or if they are completely comfortable with me and know that I care about them. In those situations, words aren't required. Just being there for them is enough.
I take it you have never cried in public.
That said, I'm not sure exactly what your words are trying to tell us, the readers, about your feelings as the author. I picked up emotions such as sympathy, awkwardness, annoyance and even scorn. As you can see, I'm a bit confused.
I just wanted to say that the tone in the last three verses sounds as though you are accusing people who cry in public of being petty attention seekers. (Although you specifically said in earlier sentences that they do not cry for attention.)
But if so, are places such as hospitals, graveyards, nursing homes and mortuaries included in the blanket word, "public"? Half the time, the people in these places cannot help crying, and they should not be demeaned for such. Perhaps they run to the bathroom in order to calm down and wash their faces. I don't think that they cry in order to receive pity, and either way, I don't think they expect it from strangers passing by.
Even if the people in question are not crying at the before mentioned locations, the fact that they could not hold in their tears certainly warrants some small consideration, not annoyance.
You seem to be slightly hypocritical in that you don't like it when crying people run to the bathrooms for privacy, but cannot handle crying people in public. If not a somewhat private bathroom, where would you have them go? A cleaning closet?
I don't think your piece was meant to criticize, but it sort of came across that way. Perhaps you should consider some changes?
I don't mean to be overly critical of your piece, and I hope I do not come across that way. Perhaps too much of my emotion has come through, but in some ways, your piece rubbed me the wrong way, and in echo of cleverclogs, I don't understand why the piece was labeled as "Humor."
I hope that this review does not come across as harsh in any way, but as a sincere review of your work. I hope it helps you!
Cheers!
Hello Remington38 here for a reveiw!
This is beyond relatable to me and pretty much describes me to a T. I shove emotions way down into a hole and cover that hole with school work and productivity. I honestly loved this poem not only because I felt connected to it but that I loved the way it flowed. It felt so natural and the way it was moving and evolving. This was written really well. I am interested to read more of your work now.
Hey, Divergent! What's up?
I'd like to say that I really enjoyed this poem. I, too, feel the same way about public displays of emotion other than happiness. Personally, I think it's because I want to believe that everyone is happy and that life could be OK. But, when I see people expressing how they really feel, I realize that I'm tired of pretending to be alright. And I'm envious that they have the courage to show people. Anyway, that's just my way of seeing things.
Plus, I really love science, as well.
Hello again! clogs here to review!
I'm not entirely sure why this is in "humor". Maybe I'm just a curmudgeonly old coot, but nothing really struck me as particularly humorous. I guess some moments could be interpreted as funny, but to me they came off as snarky (more on that later). It's not necessarily a bad thing, just an odd thing.
I'd also like to ask about your title, because I honestly have no idea what it's trying to say. What was the "duh" supposed to mean? And if you're going to use "please" in the title, then at least spell it properly!
That being said, let's start with random nitpicks:
I feel like the order of words got confused here- it should be "all this being said".
Especially, you mean?
The first part of this is in future tense, but the second part is in past. I recommend changing "were" to "are" to keep this more consistent.
The wording of these lines really throws me off. The "nor" is out of place, since there was nothing building up to it. I'd probably replace it with "and", and also get rid of "will". Then, after the quoted phrase, change "would" to "wouldn't". Then, it would look like this.
That reads a lot more naturally. There are a couple of different ways to rephrase it, but that's the most basic one I could think of. I'd also like to point out that you've used the work "asking", but the quoted phrase isn't really a question. Just something to think about.
"There" should be "their", since it's possessive. I assume you've been informed about the difference between "there", "their", and "they're" before, so this is just a quick reminder.
That's about all of the wording and phrasing issues I could find. There were a few other grammar errors, but I'll save those for later, because I want to get into the meat of this review.
I think that, at times, the way you worded this really did come across as insensitive and even selfish. I don't think you're a selfish person, but it's important for you to know how your poem came across. It's like you took people crying in public and made it all about you by saying that tears make you uncomfortable. Nobody cries in public by choice. If there's someone crying, chances are that they'd rather not be crying. And if they feel the need to go to a bathroom stall, then it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, it's just that they need to escape and bathroom stalls offer privacy. It came across as very self-centered in this way, because it focused on how the crying affected your feelings instead of the person who's actually crying. And I definitely understand the awkwardness of not knowing what to say in such a situation, but the way you talked about it in your poem just seemed really childish.
Way to be condescending. Speaking from personal experience, I feel very ashamed when I cry in public. It's great to know that people are judging me for something that I literally can't help, too.
First of all: Practically
Second of all, this is the point in your poem where I started to understand the theme you were going for. You don't like it when people cry in public because it makes you feel bad that you don't know what to say. That's perfectly okay, but ultimately, the rest of your poem just focused too much on the crying people for this point to come across. I think you could hone in on the guilt more to help your readers understand this. It's fine if you talk about the crying people, just stay away from being judgmental. Talk about how they cry and run away to the bathroom, but instead of saying how it's like telling people they need to leave the bathroom, talk about how you feel like you can't stay because you don't know what to do. Don't make it about them, make it about you and your personal emotions. I realize that kind of sounds like it contradicts what I said earlier about the poem sounding self-centered, but I think that the reason it came across like that earlier was because of the judgmental tone. If you make it clearer that you're judging your own feelings and not other people's, you'll be fine. It can also help it be more relatable to readers. Right now, I relate most strongly to the crying people, so I feel judged, so the poem's really not resonating with me.
I feel like that wasn't really clear, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask! ^^
I felt like the beginning was kind of beating around the bush. The science thing was a nice start, but it never really went anywhere and was quickly cast aside for the main theme of the poem. Because of that, it kind of felt like it dragged on a bit. It would be a shame to get rid of the science-y part, so maybe you could find a way to integrate it into other parts of the poem.
The language you used was really odd. It was really informal, because you used phrases like "basically", "pretty", "I mean", "or something", and the like. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but my personal preference leans towards formal language in poetry. Informal phrases (for instance, "or something") tend to be unnecessary in poetry, and I generally try to avoid superfluous words.
There were issues with punctuation in places. For instance:
This punctuation makes it feel really choppy. That's not how you would speak it at all. A much more natural-sounding choice would be this:
That follows much more closely to how it would be spoken aloud, and is grammatically correct. This is just one example- I'm not about to go back and punctuate the whole poem, but hopefully that helps a bit with some other things. I feel like I may have left you this link before, but just in case I haven't, feel free to check out this wonderful Knowledge Base article on the subject of punctuation!
Punctuation in Poetry
So overall, this poem does have a lot of room for improvement. I think the biggest thing to focus on would be making your voice relatable to readers. If you're not judgmental, then the reader will be rooting for you!
I hope this review was useful! Happy editing, and keep on writing!