the pain
the stings
the lines criss-crossing my hands
-pale and white
stained by crimson
blood drawing
bit by bit
dripping
drop by drop
pooling around
and sliding -gracefully-
along my wrist
the pain
the cuts
it all felt so good
like talking a shower
after a long stressful day.
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140,415 Literary Works • 673,175 Reviews
This was an amazing piece! I really enjoyed reading it! Honestly I have nothing bad to say about it! If I did though, I wouldn't know what to say...!
This was a compact version of self harm. This topic can be very touching for a lot of people!
I only have one little suggestion though.
At the end you say...
I guess I just don't understand why you choose to say "waking up after a short but refreshing afternoon nap." To me, when I wake up from a nap or sleeping it takes me some time to get back into reality, and I feel refreshed later. Is this what you were going for? I'm assuming you were going for something more like "a breath of fresh air."
The suggestion is, I would suggest changing that into saying something like "a breath of fresh air" or something along those lines. I don't know it might just be me, considering the fact that it takes me forever to wake up and get back into reality from a nap or from sleeping through the night.
If there is something I'm not understanding about something you meant about this please let me know!
Again, I really loved this poem, and I enjoyed reading it. I hope to see more works from you in the future!
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs
Thanx dogs!
No problem! Anything for a friend!
hey there @DivergentDemigod
just popping in to say something small
first of all, simple, good and easy to understand language used.
it's really brief which isn't bad
from your description which is vivid and on point I can't help but get the impression you're speaking about self-harming(please correct me if I'm wrong), anyway the point is that you were able to get your piece across quite well without giving out everything word for word and I like that
I like it:)
Thanx
This was really good! I liked it!
Ty
I really don't have anything bad to say about this. This was a very real, very compact version of self harm. It was clear and concise and yet manic and choppy and I like it. You did very well with it. The only thing I don't get was how you made the connection between self harm and an afternoon nap. I don't know if it's just me, but when I wake up from a nap I'm groggy and tired and need like 15 minutes to get back into the real world, but from the way you're describing it, it would be more of a breath of crisp, fresh air that kind of draws you a little closer to your version of sanity? I don't know if that makes sense, but yeah. Maybe the last two lines becomes something more of a symbolic waking rather than painting us a figurative one
Keep Writing! xx
Thanks for the review ^^
I like it, and your way of writing this poem is honestly unique. No one in my English class writes the way you do. So i would like to say keep up with the work. Good Luck!
Thank you ^^