chapter 8
Two weeks had passed. I started to forget my past and my future and think about what I had right then. She was like the light that kept all the darkness away. Her smile became a drug that I couldn't live without. She filled my heart with happy memories. My room filled with her books and some of her paintings. My couch even started to smell like her but still we were just 'friends'. Sometimes I thought I shouldn't cross that line, just stay where I was.
Earlier, time was a killer, a slow and silent killer. It used to fill my mind with thoughts and memories and drag me into the deepest of the dark. With her, it felt like time stood still or was it just me?
The soft grass was under us and the green leaves of the tree were above. There were not much people in the park, it was peaceful and quite. I felt like I could watch her read forever. I loved the way how her eyes used to drift into the imaginary world but the silence between us felt awkard and somehow painful.
"What are you reading?" I asked, not because I was curios but just to break the silence.
" 'Drifting with the wind' by Lisa, Have you heard of it?" Her brown eyes turned golden in the sun and it felt like it had the last burning flames in them. I nodded 'no'.
She set her book down and turned to me. " Alex was a normal girl and she enjoyed her life more than anything. She had a list of things to do before she died and death was so close to her. She never feared it, in fact she loved it, it was an escape for her from this cruel world who took everything away from her. Then one day everything changes, she hated death, she wanted to live more than anything because she found a reason, someone to live for. She...she.." Her eyes drifted off into the unknown, not focusing on anything particular. " I haven't read the rest."
"It's a nice story. What do you think will happen next?" I was too scared to ask her anything so I limited my thoughts to the simple words.
"You see David, life, it's put you through a lot but it will give you one thing, one thing in your life before you die and then death would be so close that there'll be no escape from it"
I stared deep into her golden eyes, there hid a sorrow that I was too scared to ask."It's Danish." I said.
"Huh?" I saw the sorrow drift away from her eyes and she raised an eyebrow.
"My real name, it's Danish Pancholi." I said and smiled at her.
She looked at me and for a moment I thought she was going to get up and walk away but then she just burst into laughter and I smiled."I always knew your name wasn't David. I thought you were embarrassed to say your real name 'cause I thought it was something like Kulkit Preet.." A wide grin appeared on her face.
"What? Kulkit what? What kind of a name is that?" and we both laughed till out stomach hurt, till my hurt felt pain because life is always a bad guy and it never gives you happiness without a pain that's gonna rip you apart and then her eyes locked with mine with the same kind of tension .
We both walked shoulder to shoulder to our apartments and stopped in front of our doors. I turned to look at her and saw her looking at me.
"I'll see you tomorrow Sami" I said.
"Tomorrow, a whole new day, a whole new life, a whole new me." the way she used poetry always confused me. "Goodbye Dani." and she went in shutting the door. I stood there, confused. I felt like I was so close to something but then I felt like it was all slipping away from my finger tips and my hands were paralysed or I would have held onto it with my dear life.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Hello again!
Once I've gotten through everything in the green room that has sparked my interest I'm going to go back and start reading this from the beginning. But until then...
. Here's a rundown on how I've learned to think about plot and develop plot.
Okay, so we have our basic plot, obviously there will be other story lines and things woven in there too.
I'm still intrigued by this plot and I'm looking forward to reading from the beginning to pick up the little things I know I've missed along the way. I think there is a lot to each of these characters and I feel a richness to each of them.
My biggest concern with this chapter is that I'm not sure how the plot moved forward in any significant way. I think I mentioned this in the previous chapter as well (but I can't remember now and I've reviewed too many things since then)
So each of your characters has to start somewhere and has to end somewhere. The end point obviously needs to be different from how they started. As the author, what you need to figure out is how to get each character from that starting point to that ending point, and what twists and challenges are going to happen along the way. Each character needs to want something (maybe whatever they have at the end point, maybe something else, it depends on what kind of ending you have). There needs to be things standing in the way of that thing they want. And there also has to be stakes, the goal and the conflict needs to mean something and there needs to be some sort of real or perceived threat of what's going to happen if the conflict wins and we don't ever reach that goal. Basic example of how this all might look:
Harry's goal - prevent the Sorcerer's Stone from being stolen
Conflict - not sure where it is or who is after it, he's 11, he's at school and there are rules and things and grown-ups aren't helping
Stakes - whoever is after the stone could give it to Voldemort to help him return to power and kill Harry
Basic, core story line of Harry Potter 1.
This is all basic story stuff and I'm not trying to insult your intelligence if these are things you already know and understand! It's just easier for me to explain my thinking if I start at the top and work my way down
Beyond that there are certain elements that make a story. First we need a catalyst, this is the thing that starts the plot off. In HP, Harry found out he's a wizard. In romance novels, it might be when the protagonist meets the love interest. Then the protagonist will have some early successes. Harry loves the wizarding world and all is well. The protagonist feels good about where they are. Then we need a twist/challenge/something to go super wrong. Harry finds out Voldemort killed his parents and probably actually isn't dead, and someone is trying to get the Sorcerer's Stone. Someone might screw up, a new threat may be introduced, there may be a new character that throws everyone for a loop, there's some sort of complication. Then the protagonist needs to get things wrong for a while. Harry follows wrong leads towards the stone. The protagonist is making a bunch of choices and doing things trying to get out of their predicament or change their predicament but they're doing it wrong. Then the protagonist reaches a black moment where it looks like all hope is lost. Harry finds out the stone is being taken that night, he has no plan, and no adults are going to help him. In a love story it might look like our lovers are never going to be together. But then the protagonist gets it right and makes the right decision, takes a risk, and it pays off. Harry successfully goes after the stone. Our lovers end up together. Then there's some sort of reward for getting it right. For Harry, he got lots of recognition and praise and he's safe for another year. For our lovers, they get to ride off into the sunset together.
There can be huge variation to how exactly those major elements are added, but if you think about it, most stories have those elements in some fashion. So as you plot the story, and you're thinking of how the characters will get from the starting point to the ending point, I always think of the huge events that have to happen along the way. Those big events will probably hit those major elements. Once you have those big moments figured out, you have to figure out what's going to happen in between those big moments and how will we get from one big moment to the next big moment.
Every single scene needs to have a purpose and needs to be driving the plot forward. You know it's driving the plot forward when it's essential to get the reader to the next big plot moment and to move a character closer to their end point.
That was a very long-winded explanation, and again, not trying to insult your intelligence at all if these are things you already know! It took me quite some time to learn this and to learn how to plot but now that I do, I think it's enormously helpful!
So, I'm not saying you should cut this chapter or that this chapter isn't useful, because it very well could be. You have a much broader understanding of what you want this specific plot to look like. Just make sure that every single chapter has a clear purpose. You may end up needing to combine chapters or adding to chapters to give them a bit more meat, and that's fine! In this chapter, I really liked the internal monologue of the guy's thoughts and feelings and I think you do a nice job showing that. But I think after that the scene could use a little more substance.
That was a lot, so please let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!
okay mt story has different things in different chaps but they might not mean anything now but they will at the end and by the way the next chap's gonna contain such a "thing".
Perfect! I love when stories have little clues along the way that all come together in the end
I'm looking forward to reading more!
You did a good job setting a peaceful scene right at the beginning of this chapter, between David/Danish's description of his feelings for Sami and his description of the grass and the leaves and the sun.
It was a little weird how peaceful some of the other stuff was, though. Like this.
I mean, death is close for the girl in the book, and now she doesn't want to die because she's found something to live for, but Dani goes, "That's a nice story." ...are you sure, dude? It doesn't sound so nice to me!
Although it does seem from this line that Sami is using the story to tell Dani something about his own life.
Well, that line plus the bit at the beginning about his past and his future and whatnot. Or given the following line about the sadness in her eyes, maybe she's trying to tell him something about herself.
The other kind of weird thing was how Sami reacted to Dani telling her that David was a fake name and that his real name is Danish (cool name, by the way). I mean, basically he's like, "Btdubs, my name isn't David, it's Danish" and Sami's like, "Yeah, I figured you were keeping your real name a secret because it was too embarrassing."
I mean, what? What made Sami always figure that David wasn't really Dani's name? Was it something about the way he introduced himself when they first met? Does he sometimes fail to respond to the name David, as if he's not used to it? Or is there something else, a general sense that he's hiding something?
And how does she feel about finding out that David isn't his name? Is she at all angry that he lied to her about his identity, or does she feel sorry for him because she figures his true name is part of his painful history? Does she know anything about his painful history, even that he has one? What about Dani? Is he surprised she was so accepting? Relieved? Guilty for keeping secrets from her, now that he realizes she'll accept his true self?
It was just weird to see her so casually accept his real name and then see the two friends part ways as if it was just a normal day together. I want to see more reaction!
Sami's not trying to tell Dani somethng about his own life but about hers. u'll see. actually Dani didn't say his last name the first time they met. She herself is hiding a big secret sooo.... u'll get Sami more if u had read the rest of the chaps.