To Anastatia,
I can't take it anymore, I'm slowly loosing myself. These few days have just being a hell. When I stare at myself in the mirror all I see now is a mad man with dark circles under his eyes and a beard forming. It's funny isn't it, how I always hated growing a beard and you always liked it. This room feels like it's empty without you, it has lost your smell and the wardrobes they miss your clothes, I'm sorry I burned most of them in the fit of anger when you left me. When I was younger I used to squeeze my pillow in my arms at night when I was scared but then I didn't need it anymore, not because I was not afraid anymore because I had you and now without you all I can do is crawl into a corner and cry myself to sleep. My heart feels heavy Ana, I need you. I just hate it that we are not together anymore, I just hate it.
Yesterday I sat in front of you apartment till the cops came and picked me up. Jordan, he bailed me out. Jim, he ran away yesterday, I was too tired to even go look for him. He never came back till now. I miss you Ana. I've taken up drinking again and the burning feeling vodka gave me then used to make me forget all my pains in each sip but now it don't. I'm scared Ana, I'm so scared and I wish you were here to just hold me close and tell me everything will be alright.
I think it's all just stupid, you know the belief that you will come back to me. I'm just trying to put a mask on all this sorrow by being angry with you when I truly am angry at myself for not saving you. I hate me. I lost all of me when you left me in this cruel world and I don't want this world without you.Oh god Ana, I love you and I'm coming because I can't live here without you, I need light and an escape from this darkness and you are the light Ana, you are the light.
I love you.
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140,145 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Wow. The imagery and emotion you conveyed in this piece moved me. I can't determine whether this was based on an actual experience, but you formed each feeling and thought very realistically. What I enjoyed most about this "note" is it is almost like another piece to the full puzzle of your other poems, such as "I Lost You, I Lost Myself." I'm not sure they were intentionally related, but each one never fails to deliver a harsh message when reality and love collide. Continue writing!
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this. Even the tittle itself captured my attention and when the note finishes,it makes me wonder what could have happened? Why did it happen? I also like the rhetorical question that you used. The way you wrote it made me sympathise with him. I also like how you've talked about how close they were before and how now they probably don't even talk to each other. Over all, I really enjoyed it and keep writing!
Nice story! I like how you started it, it's a great start for a suicide note. The starting paragraph is good, rambling about their life because he doesn't care anymore. And the end is just great! I can really see how much he's gone in that note, the way you ended it with the darkness/light thing is wonderful.
Okay, now for the stuff you need work on.
"I just hate that we're not together anymore I just hate it." I think that you need a comma between 'anymore' and 'I'. "Jim, he ran away yesterday and I was too tired to even go and look for him and he never came back till now." I feel that the 'and' for 'go and look' is excessive since It doesn't flow good. It feels like it repeats the word 'and' in that sentence. And for the ending, while great, feels a bit open to me. Try closing it off with a final signature such as 'Signed, ___' or put a final line there that finalizes the decision to go off himself.
Beyond that, great job! Keep up the good work.