Young Writers Society

Sad but good. I really liked this and I think that it shows a lot of emotion. I feel like this could almost be turned into a poem. There were just a few things I would change:

-Punctuation:
1. Remember that there is always a space after a comma, period, quotation mark, or any type of punctuation. I won't mention every single instance of this because it has already been said in the other reviews, but I encourage you to change it. Punctuation is very important in writing, and if it isn't done correctly, it can turn your readers off and have them stumble over words.

-Indents:
For some reason, the indents confused me. Since they are all at different lengths, I found it really difficult to read. Try to keep it consistent by having the same indent every time.

-Other:
There were other mistakes in the writing that appeared so frequently that it started to take away from the writing. Maybe try to read over it to check for these typos. Also, if you see a word underlined in red, fix it. It's spelled incorrectly or doesn't fit in the context. Another thing was repetition. Try not to use the same word twice in such a short amount of time or it seems like you're repeating yourself.

Other than that, I think you did great. Though the poem was sad, I really liked reading it. Good job!

Okay, we have an issue already here.

I started reading the first paragraph, and you have absolutely no spacing between your punctuation and your next sentence. For example:

her,no,I'm

I'll loose myself if I loose her and she knows that.

I pulled her closer into a tight hug for that's all I could do and nothing is going to save her tomorrow.

I'm nor ready to let her go.

It rolled down her cheeks as I wiped it.

"Toby,I need you to be strong.."he started.

"Toby looked at me,Toby."

He shook me but no I can't I'm weak to get up,to hear anyone.

"She is a better place Toby" her image fades away as the light of the dying sun fades away.

Hi Alison!

There are a lot of stories about romance, a lot of stories about terminal illness, and a lot of stories about the death of young people. That's because when these things happen in real life, it's sad, strange, and also compelling. And the best stories about these things make you feel all of these emotions and more, and you're left with a lot of things to think about.

So, if you want to write a story about that, all of the better. But how are you going to make it memorable? Make it stand out and give your reader something that they are going take away and remember? These are things worth thinking about. Firstly, while I was reading this, the many grammatical and spelling mistakes took me away from what was happening.

A few main things that I noticed:

loose -> lose

There are many points where you don't have proper spacing with your punctuation. Whenever I have to include a comma, it's like this,not like this. Starting a new sentence happens like this.Not like this

I also don't know why the tabs for each paragraphs are all over the place. Was it a copy/paste issue?

Also, your dialogue:

"She is a better place Toby" her image fades away as the light of the dying sun fades away

Hi,Alison. It's a great short story. The plot is awesome. I really loved the title. But, I felt like, I wanted more of it... I wanted more of their last moments together. I wanted more in the ending,too.
The ending is also good. In few words, this story tells a lot. But I think you should add some more words.
Overall, I have enjoyed. Best of luck.