I lost you, I lost myself.

Hello AllisonArgent I'm here to review your poem .
This is a VERY good poem. The imagery is beautiful, and this conveys an amazing message.
now it is the last few lines of this poem that really got to me .

"I never expected,

You to let go.

I never expected

You to walk away.

I lost you and

Even though I was free

I had lost myself. "

these lines personally do mean a lot to me, and I really do love the way you worded it.
this poem is honestly one of my favorite things that I have read on here.
besides my opinions on it, I didn't see any spelling or grammatical errors at all ( I'm not exactly the best person to look for it anyway) but yeah. amazing poem my dude.
have an absolutely splendiferous day!!
>Adrian

Hi! I'm here for a quick review.

The first thing I'd like to point out is that the feelings seemed genuine, which is good. I will however point out that the word choice is lacking. The words you used aren't strong enough to make me feel what you felt. Try to make the shorter lines a bit more detailed, and have them pack a big punch.

I was also confused by the structure. I think you need more than 1 stanza; I also see a difference in your first few lines and the last ones. The whole flow f the piece shifts and its a little hard to follow along with. Below, is an example of what you could do:



In the dead of the night,

I would be awake.

Screaming and thrashing,

against the invisible force that held me.


I wish I could be free,

I wish you would let me go.

But, all my wishes were

pulled into a void along with me.


It felt like I was under water,

struggling to resurface.

The air along with my life left me each second.

I had to keep swimming, I just had to.


I pull too hard and you push too deep.

"Leave me", I said "Let me be".

I never expected you to let go.

I never expected you to walk away.

I lost you and even though I was free

I had lost myself.

By separating the poem into stanzas and combining a few lines, the flow works a lot better. This is just a suggestion, feel free to play around with it however you like. And definitely add stronger "feel" words.

Hope this helped. Keep up the good work!

-E

Regardless of the confusion with the structure, you described a very authentic experience of conflicting emotions. I could envision the person you were parting with just by how much you committed to them as the focus of the piece. My only critique would be is distinguish your thoughts and always be more specific! Although being vague in your writing can also be powerful, in a poem that is about an event so intense as this could be even more vivid to the reader when you are meticulous with your description. Overall, you are a fantastic poet!

Hi! I'm RainaDee and I'm going to review you're poem! Okay, so what I like the premise of this, however what I think might help get your feelings or point across better is to lengthen your stanzas. For example, "I never expected, you to let go." Basically all I'm trying to say is connect the lines that look like they go together to make it so each line is one seperate sentence, so you don't have that sudden break of thought. I think it was a very good piece and it has a good emotional pull. Keep up your writing!