Save A Life

Hello, LGF here for a quick review!

I liked and disliked this poem at the same time.

At parts it was lovely and inspirational and then you come in with lines like;

'Get over it. Now.'

And it kind of ruins the mood of the poem. It didn't that well either, kind of stop-starty and I think you could have worded some things better, to take it from good to great.

For example;

Just because the world says no,

Doesn't mean you have to go.

Could turn into;


For too long I know that everyone's said no,
But it doesn't mean you have to go.

Or something like that...

So overall I think it was a pretty good piece with some good ideas, but where sometimes conflicting.

Keep up the good work;

LGF

Hello! Ninja here!
I'm just going to point out (and be picky) about some things that have caught my eye and that I think you should work on.

I like the first four lines. You are inspiring them that not all hope is lost.
The fifth line, however, isn't as inspirational. You really can't say to a person with depression to suck it up. It's a hard and gruelling process, to get out of depression.

The sixth line, 'Show the world they’re wrong.' is fine but it feels better if it was like 'Show the world that they are wrong.' (my opinion)

The 'Get over it. Now' part doesn't really fit with the feel of the poem and again, you cannot say to a person suffering from depression to just 'get over it.'

The '(You should be feeling guilty at this point.)' part was just very uncalled for. Lots of times, people are diagnosed with depression because they feel guilty about everything.

'(And stop making me feel sick and depressed over your depression.)' This part shouldn't even be part of this poem. (Not just because it's insulting in a way but because it doesn't fit in with the feel of the poem.)

Over all, the inspirational parts are very nicely written and thought out but the 'get over it' parts are a bit much even though I agree, sometimes people need to be smacked across the face and see the reality.

Anyways 6/10 stars. Good work!

I like it...suck it up.. very nice

I liked the positive parts of this. The parts saying not to let people's words get to you and telling you that you could potentially save lives. Those parts I really liked. But the other parts of it were mean. You cannot have an inspirational poem and bash people that are depressed. Depression is a serious affliction and you shouldn't make somebody feel guilty for it. Ever. Even if you think they have no reason to be depressed. It doesn't help anything.

Still I like the inspirational parts and I like the rhyme-y rhyme-y

This made me cry. well done, I really liked this

Hey, DragonLily!

First off, I loved the message you got across. Suicide prevention is one of the many things I try to pay lots of attention to, and the message behind your poem was totally awesome and inspiring and made me smile.

I loved the poem up until the part where you tell the reader/audience to get over their depression. Then the poem started to take on a negative tone, in my opinion. It seemed a bit harsh, straight-forward. Not at all nice and gentle. That was a bit surprising, as I felt like the kind and gentle beginning of the poem was leading up to this harsh awakening and I want to run away instead of be yelled at xD but I now think it was a nice addiction to the poem. A rough "you're worth it, you ninny. Stay alive and stop being weak" is a rude awakening, but sometimes gentleness doesn't work and people need to be told the hard way that killing yourself isn't the way to go.

Moving on, I adored the poem as a whole. I do find it a bit odd that, in the beginning, there was an apparent rhyme scheme that was beautiful and nice and then it disappeared. Where did it go? Bring it back! I normally despise rhyme schemes, but you didn't make this feel forced or awkward at all; mainly because you used simple words that easily rhymed but still.

Overall, this poem was very good. Nicely written, nice imagery details, and a smooth flow throughout the entire poem. I didn't find much wrong with it, if anything at all. It was really good, and I again adore the message it got across. Thank you for sharing.