I stare around at this world full of strife,
what are we doing with this thing called life?
I'd still like to find what it's all about,
where ashes burn brightest before they burn out.
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137,660 Literary Works • 672,057 Reviews
In four sentences, you already want me begging for more. This was done very well! This is a very interesting idea you had, and you made it work. It flowed together very nicely, and you made an entire story in only four sentences!
"where ashes burn brightest before they burn out."
I was a little confused by this line at first, but when I read it a second time it did make more sense. You did very well on this! I can't wait to see more of your amazing work! Keep it up!
Thank you very much.
I hope you know that this is a review! Where did you get the idea of this? I thought that it would just be long enough to write a good review, but also short enough. You could edit this to add more, and is this you talking or someone else? This is probably enough, and you reviewed my stuff so I review you! I don't understand the last line.
where ashes burn brightest before they burn out.
I just thought about the last line, and now it REALLY dosen't make sense. Ashes are burned things, so how can something burned burn? Everything else was fine! End of my reveiew, and goodbye!
The idea was a product of just sitting around thinking. No, this is a narrative, so I'm talking to the reader, not a specific person.
I was referring to smoldering ashes, they tend to burn brightly, before burning out.
I made a review but it wasn't long enough so I'll try again.
o oHi there Infinity here to review!
)
What a nice short poem you have here, this will be a short review (compliments the poem
"I stare around at this world full of strife,
what are we doing with this thing called life?
I'd still like to find what it's all about,
where ashes burn brightest before they burn out."
Usually I don't like rhyme schemes in poem as they tend to over simplify the poem and ruin the meaning, but not with this one! The rhyme works beautifully here in your poem and still creates that thought provoking effect and an emotional connection. This was a really well thought out poem, if anything I'd like it to be longer as it still feels kind of unfinished.
I like the last line but it would be stronger if you had written a longer poem to build up to the ending of it, it would be perhaps less confusing to figure out from the poem.
Overall a great poem, keep writing!
-Infinity x
This is fantastic! I'm usually wary of short poems because it's harder to really reach a reader with so few words but this is so great! It's one of those wondrous thought provoking works that makes someone reconsider everything, and while it's so simple, is it really? I think not. Life's not simple. This poem is not simple. It is beautiful!
This is my favorite part
But seriously, the last line is quite grand. And like I said in my review on your last poem, that's one of the most important parts (besides the opening line, in my opinion). You capture the essence of life perfectly, no one really knows what's it's about, and that might be the point. We love, we struggle, we laugh, we cry, and we can think we know what it all means, but I secretly think that no one does. We spend our lives repeating this poem in our heads. At least those of us curious minds crazy enough to wonder
Fantastic job again. I'm going to go read another poem.
Hey! I really like this so I'd like to just pop in a give it a quick comment on how it could be spaced out a bit more and separated and such. I think that's important and I think you have a work here that would be very poignant if it was a bit more visual. So here are some tips:
"I stare around at this world,
full of strife.
what are we doing, with this thing called life?
I'd still like to find what it's all about,
where the ashes burn brightest,
before they burn out."
I don't know if the spacing works the way you want it to but this is just an example of the way it could be. XD
Hi there, HighTop. (I like your username
)
Wow, you really weren't kidding when you said it was short, were you?
Now let me get onto the whole "review" part.
I like the way that this poem rhymed and the way that you could say so much in those four lines. Yes, it would probably also sound just as good if you added more to it but I think that you did a pretty damn good job in just those four lines.
That said there are a few things that might mke it sound better if you altered them a little.
The third line, for example.
"I'd still like to find what it's all about"
It just seems like a bit of a filler for the rest of the poem and seems a little out of place at that.
One of my favourite lines in this poem is probably the last one:
"where ashes burn brightest before they burn out"
though it doesn't really go with the rest of the poem.
I think that it would sound better, perhaps, if you added another line in or changed something to give more relevance to this line.
Even with all that I thought it was a great poem, even if you never change anything.
Keep up the good work.
ToBeMe
Hiya
I hope to see some more of your work.
This really was a short poem. Like znale said, you really could have made this better and or longer. Now, while it really is short it still is a good poem. It says the very most basic thinsg about life and what's wrong with it.
"I'd still like to find what it's all about,
where ashes burn brightest before they burn out."
This made no sense to me. The first part, kinda, but to follow it up with this? I am not sure how to take it. I mean, sure, the meaning is clear. But if you wanted to put it in, again you should make it longer and add more up to it.
There is not much more I have to say other than keep writing
Hitting you with another review,
Sl4y4
Hi, Hightop. I know it's too late to say this but I haven't been on YWS for a while so welcome to Young Writers Society.
I will get to the point now. I will first name the things that has gone wrong then I will name the things that turned out good.
1. I known that you can add more to this poem you, you could even make this into a song or story.
2. 'Where ashes burn brightest before they burn out' I think you could add a different line and add more about the ashes.
Now for the thing that turned out right.
1. It's beautiful even though it's quite short.
2. You made pairs of rhymes so each word that ended would rhyme with the top sentence or bottom one.
I think that's all I loved your poem.
Hey Ghto!
Wow! I guess you meant that it when you said *really* short. However, it seems that you do not need a lot of words to express yourself very well. I like the idea behind your poem, and I like the way you present it. Your rhythm and pacing are very good, as is your rhyme scheme. I've noticed that with rhyme schemes, they tend to either be inconsistent, or really, really cheesy. Yours isn't. It feels natural, and that's good. So I liked this. Well done.
Keep writing!
~Shady
Hello, HighTop! First of all, I'd like to extend a very belated welcome to YWS!
I hope you are enjoying it so far. 
Now, onward!
I think you have a really powerful potential with this poem. You may be advised to expand this poem and elaborate, but I think you can get your message across as well (or even better) in these four lines than you could in a lengthier poem. You have a great idea here. I think I like the idea of this poem more than the poem itself, if that makes sense. I'll try to take you through why.
You have limited yourself to four lines here. That's perfectly fine! But since you've given yourself such a short space, you have to be more considerate with how you use it. Think of each word as a piece of currency. You have a limited amount, so you want to stretch the value of each pound or dollar or euro or whatever. You want each word (or as many as possible) to paint as vivid a picture or as deep a meaning as you can. There are a lot of extraneous words in there. Take the first line, for example.
Okay. I'm going to take the major words.
Stare implies a passive, inactive point of view. It implies that the speaker is observing the world around him/her rather than taking part in it or experiencing it.
Around Paired with "stare," I think you could do without this one. It seems to kind of contradict itself. A stare is usually a steady gaze.
World The big picture, yadda yadda.
full of This just seems like extra word space that could be used for something else.
strife A bit cliche of a word, but I know you wanted it to rhyme with life, so....it'll work.
Okay. So what is it that you really want to say? Is the speaker lost in this world? Are they saddened? Your diction is extremely important in conveying a mood. For example, if you said:
"I wander through a tainted world." It sends a very different message. The character is actively moving through the world, lost, and the world has been damaged or reduced from a previously better state. Really experiment with what you want to tell your reader.
This line didn't really add anything to the poem. It almost seemed like you just wanted make something so that you could rhyme "about" with "out." The line is just so vague. Again, every line, every word must have a purpose in such a short poem.
And that brings me to another point: rhyming. I'm usually not a fan of rhyming poems. They tend to sound forced. Especially for this poem, I would suggest writing it without rhyming. That frees you up to really write what you want to. Don't write for the rhyme. Then, once you have a firm grasp of your intended message, you can experiment with the wording so it rhymes, if you really want to. Who knows? You may end up liking it better without the rhymes.
Okay. Now. Can I just take a moment to say how much I liked the last line? Because I did. I'm not sure ashes really burn, but I didn't care because I liked the idea of the line. I think there's a song (might be Regina Spektor) that says something about leaves being most beautiful when they're about to die. I'm fascinated by the thought.
Well, that's all I have on this! Please keep experimenting with this. I think you have a great start. Let me know if I can help you any further.
Good luck, and happy writing!
-Sea-
Thank you very much for your input. I really appreciate constructive criticism
I'm actually going to remember your metaphor of currency and money, it's very useful 
I'd like to just clarify the line "I'd still like to find what it's all about" line. That line is just to say how confused, and almost repulsed by the modern world, but it still strikes my curiosity.
Again, thank you for our input
Hmmm.. Simple and has a very good context to it.
Although I believe it is the other way around, in most cases. The object made me think though, so its wonderful. 
My likes:
-The medafore to life and the ashes, that we burn brightest when we stop searching for the meaning behind life and start living it. Flawless in that respect.
-The content is very important.
What can be improved?
-I am wondering what exactly does strife have to do with your theme? Yes, the world is in strife but what does that have to do with seeking for enlightenment? I think that line was a line that played into the rhyme scheme of AaBb and so I would recommend the re-write of this completely.:O
-The context of the ashes doesn't match the story like; for example you could say-We where sitting around the campfire and the ashes gave me an inspiration and I thought about the complexity of life--- and so on. Instead you introduced the ashes to serve a point and it seemed like it was out of force.
I hope I helped and thank you for writing.
Your hero,
ImHero