Early Autumn Soldiers

Hey Gardevite!

I like this poem a lot!

For me I enjoy poetry that covers a lot of ground, and in this you've woven together comradeship, parenthood and romantic love, as well as using the imagery that pulls together the ground and the sky. It's specific enough to inspire the imagination, but leaves enough room to play with the interpretation of it.

The only thing I would suggest is that the repetition of 'he...and...he...and' in the second stanza doused the effect of the words a little.

You've used the punctuation and line breaks well, and your imagery is great. Good work, and thank you for posting. I really enjoyed reading this =]

Hi.

First thing I'd like to point out is that your poem doesn't really have a consistent flow to it. Your word choice seems almost random and therefore the stanzas of your poem feel separate. This can be fixed by simply reading the poem aloud to yourself. Reading things aloud helps you hear just how this poem would sound to someone else and makes it easier to spot errors and places were the poem is choppy.

Otherwise, I really liked your first stanza. Its imagery was very nice and I think it's well put together. Your formatting is really neat to.

Keep writing.

Hi

there's nothing much to say about this work.
There's one compliment though:
Your work has a timeless feel to it.

Personally, i know you were talking about something else.
that's what made reading this fun - trying to figure out
the hidden missive

in the end, i have my own understanding of this work. and i think that's
a good sign, because someone will also have another meaning to it.

The flow, however is a bit, disorienting. Obviously, this piece of work has a
mind stimulating effect to it. hence it requires very good imagination, but the
motley stanza's (though talking about one same thing) is quite confusing in my
opinion.

Still, this is good work.

P.S:
look:

After marching uphill

You'll great us like lovers;

plucking out our eyes.