i bought a star yesterday. It glows like the sunrise
that dominates it. Outshines it.
i saw the light fade from your eyes
when i met you. You said
you'd never know the labors
of a cold night's rest.
You saw me on the street later.
i waved but i didn't seem to catch
your attention. You looked straight on.
i still think of that sometimes.
With a heavy heart i lie in bed
and read a book while
my light burns out.
It burns everyone around me.
They'll be glad when it's gone.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
What a great poem!
Timmyjake here to give you a short review!
Firstly, I will just look at punctuation and grammar. I is never capitalized in the poem and always should be.
i bought a star yesterday. It glows like the sunrise
that dominates it. Outshines it.
I think that it should be, "It glows like the sunrise that dominates it and outshines it." Something like that, anyway. The part, "outshines it" Just doesn't seem to flow like the rest.
Besides those few things, I can't find fault! It is very nice, very deep and emotional. Its great! Keep writing, Hightop!
Small tip for reviewing poetry: it's considered rather tasteless to comment on use of punctuation and capitalization. Poetry is a lot looser in terms of conventional English language rules.
For example, the 'i's were not capitalized to signify a devaluation of myself, and how being treated like this by an old friend made me feel small.
Just something to keep in mind.
News for me. Didn't realize there were different rules for poetry... Sorry bout that! Thanks!
Yeah it can be a bit confusing at first, but you'll catch on.
There's English and then there is poetry... got it.
HAPPY REVIEW DAY!!! This poem was very emotional. You did a nice job expressing yourself. I am glad you put punctuation in it. Many people do not and it actually distracts from the piece as a whole so good job on that.
There is a few things that you may need to fix.
[/quote] It glows like the sunrise
that dominates it. Outshines it.[/quote]
Instead of putting a period and the adding a new "sentence" I would put a dash.
As far as formatting goes, the first line of every line should be capitalized in most cases. There were also a few times you did not capitalize 'I'.
Other than that you wrote a very nice poem.
Don't lose heart,
Kate98
Small tip for reviewing poetry: it's considered rather tasteless to comment on use of punctuation and capitalization. Poetry is a lot looser in terms of conventional English language rules.
For example, the 'i's were not capitalized to signify a devaluation of myself, and how being treated like this by an old friend made me feel small.
Also, as far as capitalizing every new line, it's a personal preference of mine to capitalize by sentence, not line.
Just something to keep in mind.
I think this is a great poem. It is emotional, and I like that. I can understand the feel behind this. I absolutely love the ending, it is awesome.
"i saw the light fade from your eyes
when i met you. You said
you'd never know the labors
of a cold night's rest."
This is my favorite stanza. It is so complete, so wonderful. I have no critiques to give you concerning this poem.
I am glad I read it.
Keep writing!
~Rainn
Hi HighTop, I come with a short review for your poem today with a small lamp to illuminate the implied meanings also to make sure I am not burn when giving you the review. Okay, JK. Straight to the point here.
I like how you start the poem. The star can give a lot of meaning behind it, one might be the hope. Nice simile. But noticing the next verses, it is not really smooth in term of beats(rhythm). Maybe free verse does not need to care for the rhythm, but it's worth if you create a good beats/tempo in the poem. When we read it, it has a natural flow without being forced to stop because of the full stop.
I love how you bring your poem in narrative form. It gives a bit of experience to the reader. Bit the last stanza is a bit confusing.
[/quote]
I am not sure the meaning you want to convey. Perhaps need a few more lines to strengthen / clarify the meaning that you want to provide. Anyway, you sure have a good poem here. Keep writing!
Kudos, cheers.
This poem is rather depressing but I enjoyed reading it! Great job!