The Scent Of Roses

Wow you sound very bitter about this. I like the poem but it sounds like the cry of a broken heart. Roses for love found and roses for love lost.

Sorry I've got nothing more to say. But I like the poetic flow of it, though it is a poem. Thinking about it, the third and fourth line going up from the end did say you were moving on. But it does not sound like forgive and forget. The scent of roses are merciless.

Guess I did have more to say. ^_^

As promised

Should I crumble at your feet and become one with the dust you tread on?

This is my life, and yet you view it as a second for you.

All flowers wilt my dear, and you are no exception.

wow.. i think this is awsome! I love the begining of this, it really draws me in. I also like the repition of "leave me broke for all eyes to see" i think it refers pretty well to the poem. however i do think it should be put into paragraphs, because that will make it easier for the reader to read. But I really do like the wors you have used and how they speak during the poem, "shall i bring the sent of a thousand roses?" is really powerful and i think just simply beautiful. I think you have an amazing talent keep it up!

I love the beginning of your poem! It has amazing depth and passion and this rhythm that propelled the poem forward. I love the line;

"Should I crumble at your feet and become one with the dust you tread on?"

It is a feeling I think a lot have felt and you have nailed it perfectly in this line. I love to the title of the poem and how it ties in with the poem, something unexpected which is refreshing.

The beautiful descriptions that dominated the first half of your poem however seem to disappear. I understand where you were going but after the line;

"Shall I throw myself off a bridge in mourning of you lost beauty?"

It seemed to have lost its flow and the beautiful descriptions. I also understand why you wanted to repeat the lines

"Yet you see nothing in me,

and leave me broken for all eyes to see."

But I honestly don't think they needed to be repeated that much. Maybe you could have reworded them to have the same effect or only used it at the beginning and the end of the poem, I think that way the statement would have more impact. However that last part was just an opinion Overall this is a really nice poem and invokes a lot of passion and heartbreak.

Hi I'm Gabby a fellow poet and I love your rant even though mine tend to be more intense is believe the public will like yours more as it is on a PG level *hehe* so congratulations on already being a more favorable rant writer than me. Now, I must say I think it may flow better if you separate a few lines since you use repetition.

"Shall I bring you the scent of a thousand roses?

The scent is sweet, as are my actions.

Yet you see nothing in me,

and leave me broken for all eyes to see.


Should I crumble at your feet and become one with the dust you tread on?

This is my life, and yet you view it as a second for you.

Yet you see nothing in me,

and leave me broken for all eyes to see.


Shall I throw myself off a bridge in mourning of you lost beauty?

All flowers wilt my dear, and you are no exception.

Yet you see nothing in me,

and leave me broken for all eyes to see."


Here I simply made stanzas by adding breaks after the line "and leave me broken for all eyes to see".


"My time has come,

to seize the day,

and forget about what you made me.


There is light,

and it's for me,

yet I am broken for all eyes to see."

Here a separated it where you ended your thoughts and also changed a period to a comma and lower cased your y to make it one thought because when you add yet you change the idea being expressed.

Over all well done! Keep writing!
xoxo Gabby

What a tragic poem, it is so sad when someone doesn't love you back. I like the simplicity of this poem, there isn't too much to take in but it's enough to sound beautiful.

One thing to take notice of is this particular sentence; "Shall I throw myself off a bridge in mourning of you lost beauty?" for some reason it just doesn't flow. It might just be me, but I really think you could've instead written something like; " Shall I throw myself off a bridge in mourning of you my lost beauty?"

You don't have to make that correction, but I think it flows a little bit more, and gives it a bit more of a personal quality to it, indicating the narrator kind of owns the beauty?

I dunno, but keep up the good work.