Planted in ninety six
sprouted in ninety seven.
About a month early.
.
Momma said I came out
of the ground lookin' like
a little snowman. I was
too weak to handle
the sun, so Momma
sent one of the little
helpers to be my shield
'till I could live on my own.
.
I'd always been a bit more
drawn to the anther that
the stigma, but Momma
said that wasn't right.
.
She told me that the
world was an ocean,
and we gotta keep kickin'
our hearts out till we drown.
.
She said I attract predators;
my feet in the water sings
and I began to think that
my shield left too soon.
.
She said kick 'till they
come then play dead.
Cos playin' is better
than being.
.
She said that someday
the world will be ready for me.
And I said "But Momma,
I'm ready now."
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
This is a very sweet poem. It got a bit annoying when the sentences got cut off at the wrong places, and in my brain it got a bit messed up when I tried to read.
"the anther that the stigma" is this a typo? I've never heard the word 'anther' before, so I might be wrong. just asking
Otherwise very nice and simple
Keep up the good work
Would you mind pointing out where the line brakes are awkward?
Also anther isn't a typo, it's a part of a plant- as is the stigma.
When you're quoting, try using this code
- Code
It helps the over all appearance of your review, and keep it more organized.[quote] What you're quoting [/quote]sorry, still pretty new on this site, also I am usually on a movile device and I am not capable of doing all the things on this site through such devices (like the quotation thingy for example)
I'm on mobile too!
I don't own a laptop. That quote thing was just a tip! 
Hey sophiewrites here to write a review!
First off I really enjoyed reading your piece and I am convinced you are really talented!
So let me analyze this..
I think the slang is southern right? It reminded me off the book the help a lot? What did you have in mind writing this?
Anyhow it made the poem really authentic, set the mood right.
My favourite lines are:
,, Momma said I came out
of the ground lookin' like
a little snowman. I was
too weak to handle
the sun, so Momma
sent one of the little
helpers to be my shield
'till I could live on my own. ''
I just love the snowman metaphor so much, it makes me wonder what your shield was..
Only one thing, you made a typo at ,,drawn to the anther that '' so you might want to correct this?
All in all an awesome, really authentic poem!
Keep up the good work,
sophiewrites
Thank you! Anther isn't a typo, it's a part of a plant.
also, try this code:
[quote] what you're quoting [/quote]Thank you! Anther isn't a typo, it's a part of a plant.
also, try this code:
[quote] what you're quoting [/quote]