So this is a perfect candidate for reductive poetry ^.- In other words, taking things out to improve the poem. I'd really love to go through this poem with you in the future and show you how to edit out things which are repetitive, something you've heard before, or don't make sense after you take out the first two. It will be a good exercise. If you'd like to try on your own, feel free to do so. Basically just try to take out things which are said multiple times, like words that you repeat, or phrases that are repeated from other things, and see what you're left with. When you see that, expand on things that you think create a vivid image, but it's not complete, and see where it gets you. When you get good at writing poems with vivid images, sometimes it ends up being a process of getting rid of all other images but one.
Points: 1883
Reviews: 806
Donate