Oh Dear! It's NaPoWriMo?

Wow, this was really good...

Not much to say about the first stanza. I think you did excellent at getting across the feeling of separation right away.

The second stanza gave a good visual. Although for a split second your wording confused me. What is "rotten like glittering fruits"? The talons? Or the family heirlooms?

I think it's a little odd that the first two stanza's are four lines, then the next stanza is just one line, and the one after that is three. There isn't really anything wrong with that, poetry is for breaking rules, so it's weird but not wrong. Myself, I believe when someone is talking about the way a poem is presented(the whole idea of stanzas and lines and such) there is no such thing as right or wrong, just used before and not used before.

And now, the last stanza. I think it's a little(not very much, just a little) contradictory to the second stanza. If it's your family keeping you somewhere that you want to leave,why would you keep these "family heirlooms"? Is there some story behind them that makes it so that this person has to keep them? Or is there a story that makes this person want to keep them?

But the most intriguing part is your word choice at the end. This poem is so plainly about wanting to escape from somewhere,but yet you use the word "evolve". Why? What is it that this bird-person wants so much? Why does s/he need to evolve?
Are those questions left there intentionally? If so then you did a good job on that aspect. If not, they're not necessarily a good or bad thing, it just changes the audience that this will appeal to. Myself,I like poems that leave off with just a few questions for me to think about. But I do know a lot of people who get frustrated with these poems, and would like answers.

If you leave the questions unanswered, then the people who like questions being answered will remember the poem because they wish it'd answered the questions. And the people who like it when you leave questions unanswered will remember it because they will be thinking about the possible answers to these questions. People who think about it a lot will usually get tired of thinking up answers to the questions and start thinking about the rest of the poem, and what stuck our to them as an individual.
But if you answer the questions, how much it is remembered by it's readers will depend on the rest of the content. This way you will know how much the rest of poem stuck out to people, but it runs the risk of not making an impact on your readers.
Each poet will tend to prefer one reproach over the other, even if they don't realize what they're doing. So whether or not you answer these questions is entirely up to you, and what audience you are aiming this at.

Good job. I hope to see more works by you in the green room one day.

~WW

Hello StoryWeaver! I'm going to do a quick stanza by stanza review. Best of luck on your NaPoWriMo endeavors, you are a braver soul than I am. Now, into the review.

Stanza one is great, I like the metaphor. You make it very clear to the reader by expressing it visually. While it did catch my interest, it's in need of some depth, or a splash of color or more emotion. Right now it reads fairly frank.

Stanza two is very colorful. You use great visuals. I love the feeling of rejection you can feel from this stanza. Nicely done!

Stanza three and four wrap the poem up well. I like how you didn't take the direct and cliched route, the whole bird leaving it's nest thing. Your way of saying feels fresher and newer. One thing I didn't like so much was the way you directly address the family, it sort of breaks the spell for me.

Those are my thoughts, Story, and I hope they help. Best of luck, and keep up the great writing!

This is really pretty. I love all the imagery. It really makes me think of a parrot who's been in the same family for years and will outlive it's owner. They are the heirloom themselves, and not always thought of as pets because they're ended up passed from one generation to the next, or if the owners were young when they got them and ended up somewhere that they couldn't keep pets, so they're passed around the family like an unwanted child. It's really as sad situation, especially since parrots don't belong in these parts so if they escape, they're going to die from the weather. Also their wings are clipped so they can't fly that high even if they do get out.

I love how you relate family heirlooms to rotten as well, and glittering fruits also are rotten. It's a really vivid image. The suggestion that I would make to improve this poem is clarify the last line a little more. Is it 'Let me die if I must, in order to evolve' or "Let me die, if I must in order to involve" to me this distinction is important because either you're saying that death is necessary and that will bring evolution, the other is saying something similar, but it is a stronger message. It's almost like Let me die, That's the only way I'll evolve. vs Let me die if I have to, I'll just evolve from it.