What the Night Knows

by StoryWeaver13

Published May 12, 2013

In Poetry A.D.

Our eyes, once enamored with each other’s gazes,
now flit like the shadows of owls
caught in yawning morning rays –
rare and shy, almost ashamed
as they hide away behind clandestine lenses.
 
And the breaking light cracks its claws against the pavement,
arcs its back as it awakens and stretches blue arms out
across the sky to rid itself of the night,
as though the stars were shameless
confessions of the universe’s lustful honesty,
as though we would judge it for having so shyly stripped
to expose its pockmarked body.
 
I wake up to find that we’re twisted
 like the aged and tangled roots of forest trees,
curved to crooked contours and standing
to release our breaths and watch them evaporate
into the waiting contrails above us,
the words transfixed in the morning fog
and delaying what we’re sure, in our heart of hearts, is guilt. 
Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
ClaireAura
Review
ClaireAura wrote a review Review · May 16, 2013

Wow I'm not even dating anyone and this almost made me guilty :P haha its brilliant. I love the last few lines. I was hooked from the first to the last line and I can't wait to see more of your work. Your take on the subject of an affair in poetic language is different and I love it. Keep posting! xxxx, Claire

EscapeToNeverland commented Comment · May 16, 2013

wow that is amazing. i think it's very poetic, oviously. but really wow!

User avatar
Catnip
Review
Catnip wrote a review Review · May 13, 2013

First I'd like to say that your style is realllllllly admirable and inspiring for me personally (And I don't use those two words lightly lol). Your word choices, the air of the scene--I adore it. It reminds me a little of my own style, too lol
In fact, I'm new here, but this is my favorite piece so far. After reading this, it makes me kinda want to get back to my own writing, and that's the best compliment I can give 'cause I've been imprisoned by Writer'sBlock lol

I really can't give any advice on improving this, I think it's lovely ^-^

Sorry I'm no help :p

Catnip~~

User avatar
niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · May 13, 2013

Hello! Nite here to review this lovely piece. Keep in mind I'm on my phone, so there may be typos.

Overall, great poem. There's some great imagery. It's wordy, but it kind of works because the words are so beautiful. I have critiques, but they're minor.

as they hide away behind clandestine lenses.


I think it would flow better if you cut out away.

Second stanza: I would start with the. It sounds stronger to me.
I also think it would read easier as two sentences, the second starting with "the stars were shameless". The line break there is also odd because it seems like a complete thought when it isn't. Maybe move up "confessions"?

The last stanza also feels like a run on to me. I'd consider making it two or three sentences to make it less confusing.

Overall, great images but work on the flow and sentence structure. Great job and keep writing!

KatheryneAlyxandera wrote a review Review · May 13, 2013

This is beautifully written. I love the metaphors and similes used in this-absolutely fantastic.
There is honestly nothing I would change about this. This is wonderfully written and lovely to read.
This paints wonderful imagery; excellent job!
Very well done, keep it up!
~Kat.



When something is broken, it can be fixed.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe