I Choked On the Words They Couldn't Swallow

It makes me so angry when 4 lines are better then my 6 page poems!! URG.

I like almost all of your commentary on writing

I like this. I really, really do. This poem really is the symptomatic of "sometimes less is better" because you just get the point across in a snap, which is awesome. Like so many other reviewers have said already, there's a lot of meaning in what you wrote and you didn't even write that much, which is an accomplishment. Bravo!

I actually really loved this!it may only be four lines but there is loads and loads and loads of meaning in this.the title of this poem was absolutely brilliant!very smart and it makes a lot of sense after you read the poem!this is probably one of my favourite poems I've read on this site as it shows quality is more important than quality well done! I give you ten out of ten, hope my review was ok
-hanorah

Whoa bro, I honestly loved this! Although I would say that beauty is the most important thing, physically speaking, to most people right now, at least in western culture. But I think it was really meaningful because when you write a poem, you pay attention to how it looks and where the lines break and punctuation...so on and so forth. yet this got the point across, to me anyway, that the way the poetry looks doesn't matter anymore because people think that they can lazily spill out jumbled lines and phrases without the placement of specific things mattering. The appearance of a poem can make a huge difference in how you see things, even if it doesn't really seem like it, but many poets take great consideration into where and how they place everything in their poems. Well the old poets anyway. omigosh, they would take everything into consideration and create the best metaphors that they could with beautiful word placement and format, such as lines being purposfully enjambed or endstopped.
But when you read poetry today, it seems that people couldn't care less about that stuff and think that what they have to say is so important that they just half-ass they way everything looks to send their message, but you can't take a poem seriously when the physical appearance is crap!
so all in all I really liked this and thought it meant a lot without having to say much, keep writing!

Hi, fairly new member so i hope this short review will make some sort of sense?

Firstly i love the title more than anything, it is very eye-catching and interesting.
I was confused at your actual poem at first because in comparison to your title i was expecting more from your poem but after re-reading it i do kind of see how it works. I like that it's not the obvious poetic thoughts on beauty, its short, bluntly to the point and realistic.

I also like the fact you incorporated your thoughts on beauty throughly in this poem. It's short but is thought provoking and it makes the reader think, which is good.

I hope this review was ok?

- Infinity x

-

I think that this was a very good poem. Although I'm not sure if you meant for it to be or not, I feel like you were commenting on the decline in verbal agility in our generation.
This was very short and to the point, and stylistically, was very good at proving a point.
The one suggestion I would make, was to maybe change the order of the words around, it seems a little choppy the way it is worded, but then again, it adds to the point even more. So, although it doesn't sound amazing, I think that that is the real beauty of this poem.

The beauty is in the elegance of it not being beautiful?.... I guess that's what I'm trying to say..... Now I'm confused, so I'm just going to end this off by saying, great job. You might want to check over the grammar, although some people choose not to follow grammar because of poetic license, it may be a nice touch in this poem.


Well, great job, you made a point very bluntly, which is a great thing for a poem to do in order to change it up from the stereotypical poem.

Amazing job, and keep writing!

Hi there.

Obviously, this poem is very short. This review will be pretty brief, too.

I read it, and it hit me. Like a coffee table in the shin. Wow. That's quite a statement. I love the blatant truth in it, and it speaks volumes.

I was going to suggest that you change it to a statement, but I changed my mind. The beauty of this poem is in the question.

Because I'm a stickler for grammar, I'm going to suggest that you remove the comma after the first line because you don't put commas before because. It might sound like it goes there, but it's not supposed to (grammatically speaking, anyway). But keep that in if it's super important to you.

This is great. You're lovely.

Hey Tor!

Shady here with a short review for your short poem.

I liked this poem quite a bit. Just a few short lines, 12 mere words, but you've gotten all sorts of emotions packed into this. It was really lovely...only it's not. It's wonderful and sad at the same time, and the conflicting emotions it raises are a bit confusing but in a good way.

I liked it.

Keep writing!

~Shady

Hello

The first thing I noticed about this is that is may have had the potential to be a haiku, but then that would be quite difficult trying to sort out enjambment separation so it's just a thought..

Anyway, I liked this. I really did. Admittedly, I did have to read it a few times just to decide my opinion on it before writing a review but that's the same with any poetry. It means you've captured the attention of the reader and you're actually making them think about the poem. This is always a good thing because you don't want someone reading a poem and just not having any opinion on it. An active opinion shows ambivalence in the reader's mind.

The message is fairly clear, and it's a topic that maybe be considered cliché except you make it work here because of the structure that seems a little abrupt but effective. As odd as it sounds, I like the way 'short' and 'anyMORE' are more assonance-like rhymes rather than direct rhymes. This is probably because it makes it seemed a lot less rehearsed and fits with this idea of having a stream of consciousness.

I really like the idea of questioning people caring about beauty, because it makes me think about what beauty is, and how we define it in our society. You're right in a sense because although people may seem they care about beauty - they care about the wrong kind of beauty.

I'd love to read some of your other works that are a bit more developed to get a broader idea of your talent because I don't think I've seen a poem quite like this one on YWS before. (At least - not recently.)

Harrington
x

Look at that big bulky title sitting atop that little leg of a poem.
Is that where you wanted the real poem to be?
It seems like that's where it's hiding.
I feel like I can see you, your throat full of words, the others rejecting them, piles of them at a time, because they only want quick short poems. You have so much you want to effuse and they are saying, "Just give me a couple lines and I'm good. I don't want any more."
So congratulations on using one of the most fun things about a poem: the function of the title. You used it well.

When I read the body aloud, it seems a little weird to me, though.
I understand that reading it silently, breaking "anymore" from "beauty" serves to give it a couple layers, delays the anymore, and for a moment it seems like you're announcing a permanent state of being, but then you time-qualify it. Still, can you surrender the rhythm for that effect? That'll be your choice.

It's not going to stick with me for the rest of my life, but it's meaningful in this moment. You're so good! What is this?

PM me with questions or comments about my review, please. ( : Good luck, and keep writing!

At first, I thought as if you had nothing to write so you wrote this in frustration, then I read it again, and I got your point.
The comment that no one care about beauty anymore which is true but not completely.
Still, next time do it with more words and keep writing!

Regards,
blakey789

On first read, I was thinking "how am I meant to review this?" but then I read it a second time and it made me think. No one does care about beauty any more.

I love it, I can't find anything wrong about it. I know my review is short but oh well.

Keep writing
~The World

Storyweaver,

LOL <3 This is great. I mean, I don't really mean to write this off as something non-serious, because I kinda feel like you intended a lot for this, just by the way your lines and words are lapped with a lot of power/strength - each word hits like anvils when I read it. But at the same time the irony just gets at me. I have to laugh every time.

The title kind of makes me go (?), because if you really think about it, you have two groups. "I" and "they", and "they" can't swallow the words, but neither could "I" because you can't swallow what you choked on. So, there seems to be this back and forth game of I vs they; I wrote a short poem because they don't give a damn, but both groups are in the same place at the end. Both groups don't give a damn. If "I" gave a damn, then he'd still be writing longer poems (if that is what is being symbolized as "beauty"). And yet, the speaker implies with these lines that nobody gives a damn. Upon first read through, it's as if the speaker accuses "them" for not giving a damn. Upon second read through, it's true. Who gives a damn? Nobody gives a damn.

Well.


Intentional or not, LOL. Metaphysics for the win.

~ as always, Audy

Using a line like "this poem is short" is kind of strange to me because I don't often write about writing, so I'm going to take a little different method to reviewing for this one: Symbolism.

Personally I see this poem as symbolizing the inability to speak more than the lack of care for beauty in the world. Perhaps beauty represents the lost love of the speaker and they were trying to write a poem for their loved one, but could not do so? This type of thing really could only be gathered from the title, and I'm personally a fan of never reading the title of a poem until after I have read the poem. It makes a little harder to pick out symbolism, but it also doesn't cloud your judgement of imagery when you're looking at things like what does this poem actually talk about?

In this case, the poem seems to be talking about the lack of people who like to read poetry now-a-days and how people are too rushed to really care about things. I use the shortness of the poem, the first line, and the second line to really emphasize this point. This poem is short is stating that what we are talking about is the poem. Having the next line offset shows that it is very important rather than just leaving this as a couplet, (which might even make this poem more interesting because it would only be two lines instead of four) so it has to be very important. This means that people caring is part of what this poem is talking about. So the poem, so far, just from lines one and two, are talking about who really cares about poetry?

After that we have a little disconnect with "about beauty" how I mentally fix this is to say that beauty is poetry. Also having anymore all the way down there seems awkward simply because you're saying it's important, but you don't explain when people actually cared about poetry-beauty-romance(depending on your reading) and although I know that the poem's shortness is a part of it's 'perfection' I feel as though searching my timelines for when people cared about poetry is a wild goose chase and the heart of the poem ended in the first two lines.

I hope my review of how the poem could be interpreted has helped you decide what, exactly, you want to talk about and where I got my understandings/inconsistencies from.

This poem is short,
because who gives a damn
about beauty
anymore?

I actually really liked your poem, because in just 12 words you actually made me think. My first thought was what on earth? Why would this be posted? But then I re-read it and I started thinking, this is right. Who does give a damn about beauty anymore? A lot of people don't care how nice a poem is written, or how much effort it takes, as long as they can find meaning in it. So I really liked your poem! No nitpicks! Bye!

~mari