Young Writers Society

NOTE: I wrote this well over a year ago. Reading through it, I think I might've been a bit too sarcastic. Opinions are appreciated, and more is to follow soon. :D

Introduction

Maybe you’ve picked this book up because you have a sister, or a cousin, or a friend who is constantly playing with snakes, and you’re wondering what so fascinates them so much about the slimy, vile little creatures. If that’s the case, you should know that snakes aren’t slimy.

Maybe you’ve picked this book up because you know someone who constantly comes up with bad ideas (such as me), and is able to present their ideas in such an enticing manner that you invariably try whatever scheme they come up with. Sure, you generally refuse to begin with, but you both know that, sooner or later, you’re going to try whatever they suggest.

Perhaps that person has recently suggested that you go snake wrangling with them, and you don’t want to. Perhaps you’re living with a life-long fear of snakes that you developed so long ago that you can’t even remember when or why you began to fear snakes. Perhaps you’re looking for a book that you can take to your fanatical comrade, in an attempt to dissuade them from taking you snake wrangling. This is no such book.

Perhaps you are willing to try this wonderfully mad plan to go snake wrangling, but, honestly, you don’t know the first thing about snakes. You don’t know how you could possibly find a snake to catch, or how to catch it once you’ve found one. You’re not certain that your friend-of-bad-ideas really knows what he’s doing either, whether he claims to or not. This book will teach you how to snake wrangle properly.

Maybe you are the fanatical comrade, and are suffering through a slow period, that is, you’re having trouble concocting ideas. Maybe you just saw the words ‘Snake Wrangling’ and a light came on in your head. You’re probably smirking cruelly at the thought of watching your victim, erm, friend that I mentioned in the past few paragraphs, trying to chase down a snake that’s slithering through knee-tall grass.

Now that you have this idea, you’re not going to be dissuaded from it. You’re going snakewrangling, and that’s that, even if you have to drag your friend along behind you. You’ll probably claim to be an expert in snake wrangling if someone asks you, whether you are or not, but, in all honestly you know that you could use some help. If so, this book is for you.

Maybe you’re an experienced snake wrangler, and decided to pick up this book so that you could tear it apart, fact by fact. If so, I’ll probably give you a dozen things to criticize. I, at least, haven’t found a snake book that I can read without screaming at its illiteracy. One thing that might surprise you, though, is that I do know the difference between venom and poison.

Maybe you don’t have anyone pressuring you to play with snakes, and haven’t ever wrangled before, but you’re so pathetically bored that you have to find something that feels like it poses at least a minimal threat, so you don’t go crazy from boredom. If so, this book is most definitely for you.

Maybe none of these situations describe you. Maybe you have no interest in snakes, or snake wrangling, or venom, or whatever other terms I’m going to introduce. Maybe you just saw a pretty cover, and decided to read this because, hey, it’s got a pretty cool looking cover.

Of course, if you’re that kind of reader, you’re probably not reading this introduction, so I’m probably wasting my time in warning you that there will be no vampire love affairs in this book, sorry…Actually, I’m not really sorry about it.

Whatever your reason for picking this book up, you’ve found it in your hands, and you’re reading it, which is good. Prepare yourself to learn find snakes, learn how to catch snakes, and, yes, what to do if you’re bitten by a snake.

Now, if you’re the victim, erm, friend, of a fanatical comrade, don’t get scared. I have been snake wrangling for about ten years, and have only been bitten once. Well, okay, once by a snake; other things, especially hamsters, like to bite me. They probably bite me because I see them more as snake bait than an actual pet; but that’s irrelevant.

If you pay attention, and wrangle properly, then you have a good chance of escaping without injury. Honestly. My father’s heart has suffered from my snake wrangling career far more than my body has. Apparently watching your kid play with snakes is scarier than playing with snakes.

But, even if your father gives you as priceless of a reaction as mine does (his face melts off and drips onto his boots), pay attention to the snake, and not to his funny reaction. Trust me, it’s tempting to watch him instead of the snake, but don’t.

As I’m guiding you through this fascinating addiction, you might disagree with what I have to say. You might want to shout at me, and tell me how wrong I am. Of course, if you want to shout at the book, as though I dwell within it and can actually hear you, you’ll need a title by which to call me.

I go by many names, but you may call me The Supreme Highness of All Things Pertaining to Snakes and Their Habitats, or, Miss Supreme Higness for short. Of course, you may choose to call me shorter, more vulgar names, which I resent, but cannot control.

So, without further ado, I will begin Snake Wrangling.

~Miss Supreme Highness