Hello, Hel.
Read this in bathroom stalls and shopping malls, aloud
(it's meant as much for them as you).
Existence not so much existential as exit-bent
Simply put,
---Freud's a fraud.
Hello, Hel.
I've missed your sideways smiles
and the way you line pockets with chapstick caps and nothing.
The poets sign on flesh-dotted lines,
eager for the "pucker up!" sucker punch,
the dime screw with death.
Hello, Hel.
Those smokes on the table are my one-way ticket home.
This? Not a suicide note, just an r.s.v.p.
"If the world is ending, I'm throwing the party"
is quite the invite. I'll try to keep my hopes up, and the bloodrush down.
Every novella needs a decent ending, after all.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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140,579 Literary Works • 673,525 Reviews
Hmm...Very nice. Full of emotion. One thing though, I think sucker puch is supposed to be sucker punch. That's really all I found, besides the confusion with Hel.
Keep up the good work!
~Spirit
Hmm yes, I liked it, but like Gwenevire I'm no good at poetry so I can't really give any technical or useful tips or anything.
I didn't reallllyl get what it's about but I think it worked well in my mind, it being a little ambiguous. I liked the style and i loved this:
you line pockets with chapstick caps and nothing.
my friend does that :S
Meevs
x
That was nice.
But is Hel a name or someone?
I am kinda lost. I am not really good at poetry so I don't have any suggestions.
But maybe you could tell us what this is about before the poem? XD