Young Writers Society

I did like this, I found it an interesting subject if difficult to grasp at times.
I agree with Claudette, the elipses were unneccessary. Use word choice to get across meaning rather than relying entirely on punctuation. I think some more stops, periods or commas, wouldnt go astray; they'd help your flow.
I think what obscures meaning and therefore how effective your poem is to the reader, is your word choice and sometimes awkward syntax. The 4th stanza is a good example of this.
Fix a few things up and make your purpose clearer and you'll have a nice effective piece here.

It was intended to be about the unavoidability of life; to contrast the oft used unavoidability of death. However, this was more me playnig around with phrasings then anything, and no deep intentions are in this.

I understand it seems rather pointless and ambiguos subjectwise, and honestly, it rather it. I was looking more for feedback on flow and wording, as that's what this was directed at. I wouldn't really even label it poem, more like 'Ed's having fun with rhyming schemes again'.

But still, I thank you for your crit and the time you put into it.

I have to admit that the majority of this does not make sense to me. Now whether this is because the way it is written or because I'm poor at understanding somethings, we'll leave that open.

I think the use of ellipses (...) was unneeded as much as you used it.

I think you'd benefit from adding more punctuation. Commas, periods, and the like.

yet still [these] lies you've penned.