Young Writers Society

This took a deeper spin and dive into eating disorders. And how people may feel when they're struggling. I'm not struggling with an eating disorder, but sometimes I feel like the ends of a loaf of bread...no one hardly ever eat that part of the bread. This is really good and it's a work of art.

Wow, this imagery is fantastic. This feeling is captured so well - the feeling of just feeling so disgusting that you want to hide from your own reflection. I really like the detail of "not enough hair", as hair loss can be a symptom of eating disorders that is often overlooked. This detail along with talking about cracked lips and other health issues is also really nice as it makes a point of not romanticizing mental/physical illness, which is something it is so common when people attempt to write about tough issues like this. Continuing to add references to food is also so powerful since a relationship with food is one of the most taxing and defining parts of an eating disorder.
This is such a powerful poem - very well captured without using rose-colored glasses. Well done!

Frick. This is heartbreaking. I too am pasty dough, even though ima quarter Mexican. The imagery is spot on I love how you manipulate the same subject to create 20 different metaphors, that’s the epitome of good poetry. Wait, no scratch that, the epitome is emotional rawness. You win 💯💯💯

If it’s any comfort, I’m a good looking guy (you couldn’t tell from my profile pic) who’s always preferred flat chested females with low voices. There you go.
Even though I just said I’m good looking, it’s because I’m lucky enough to have heard it once or twice. I constantly suffer when I see the bags under my eyes and the ribs poking out.

I love you just for the expressions you wrote here. I love you for connecting with me even though I’m really different from you.

Thanks, and much love,
Porter

As someone who has struggled with restrictive eating, this really hit home. I had spent hours upon hours counting up calories and restricting foods, and it all comes down to the "final boss" of all; sugar. This poem perfectly encapsulates the anxiety that surrounds indulging in anything sweet, and what it means to rationalize those sorts of feelings. Your language is simple, yet complex concerning the subject matter. I know what it feels to feel, you know, shame about even thinking about eating a sweet.

I don't know if you are writing from personal experience, but if you are. I hope you get better and learn you are worth everything <3

-mintyleaf

Hi whatcha, merry christmas in case I can't tell you when the time comes hehe. I am Buranko, here with the intention to review your work. It caught my eye being that liked but without any reviews so I came to change that fact heh. Here we go:

Firstly in terms of structure I find your idea of presenting this poem mindblowing. You do use the mirror motif so you created your poem based on that theme/motif. That explains why your poem is presented in the way you did it. I like giving my poems a theme, a world for them to grow in however I am too lazy to get that detailed. So that may explain my childish excitement when seeing stuff like that. Congrats!

In the first part of the poem we as readers are introduced into the mind of the persona. I can see someone watching him/herself in the mirror with an anxious, despaired, depressed look. I can see why you used the idea of dough to express the idea of being fat. It does look like fresh dough. I don't think this idea is original, seen it in so many other things, but I don't mind it.

The persona talks about dirty hands leaving imprints on the dough. The dirty hands may represent a society that tries making people as uniform as possible, no one standing out. These fingers leave the dough scarred, soft, uniform but in pain. I hope you understand my point here.

From making the dough, to baking it we reach the stage of icing it. Here another problem rises: quantity, further emphasizing the idea that people choose what's bad instead of what matters. Imagewise you create the idea of a madman mumbling to himself things only he understands. Try to get a glimpse into what made him like that and you may be harmed as well. And like that after pain and suffering the product is complete. Now doubt slithers into the mind of the persona as he/she starts questioning whether they did the right choice, if people would accept this side of them or just consider them as ugly and bad as before.

This is a strong message conveyed in a beautiful way. One thing I want to mention is that I didn't like the first 8 or so lines when talking about structure. They feel chopped, incomplete compared to what follows in this poem. Try mixing them or making them longer, it would help surely

For now, I just wanna say that I really admire the vulnerability of this poem. It's spectacular work, as usual, and I hope to be back with a proper review soon <3

Really beautiful! The only critic I have is that "crescents of soil" doesn't match the baked goods theme. Maybe burnt croissants? Sorry if that's a dumb suggestion. This is a really beautiful, raw poem. Good on you for writing it and having the courage to post it, I know that can be really hard with vulnerable poems. You're amazing! <3

Wow. That's all I can say. <3