Hey, this is Myth reviewing your work. Time for some critical comments! ^^'
Spoiler! :
Alright. One thing I've got to say is that this poem - although it seems pretty clear and positive - appears to be subtly shifting from light to a dark theme and back or rather, it has opposing themes that aren't very easily distinguished. This "darkness" has different forms. Let me give you some examples to explain what I mean by "different forms".
The transition from "tranquil sheet of glass" to "the serenity is shattered", which is the next line. It is pretty clear that the feeling or tone shifts just a little, but it's not something that can be distinguished just by a fast read.
The rest of the poem has opposing elements but they can't really be explained with an example. It's all about the tone, which - I have to say - is greatly felt and is just natural.
Another great thing about the poem is the imagery.
These were my favourite images:
1.
The lake is frozen by the still night air
A tranquil sheet of glass.
I toss a pebble, the serenity is shattered.
Ripples float across the silent water.
2.
The sand is cooled by the light of the moon
And sinks between my toes.
I reach the shoreline, dipping my feet
Into the mysterious mercury.
3.
My body shivers as the sensation of silence
Flows from my pearly toenails
To the tip of my scalp. I lean down,
And stir the secretive water with my fingers.
4.
The water tingles my skin as I scoop the
Murky liquid into my palms. I lift
It up, and try to understand the sparkling dullness.
But it trickles from my hands, elusive.
Yeah, I did just quote the entire poem, because it was full of such scrumptious imagery! (
I think that's about all I've got to say. Lovely poem!
KEEP WRITING!!!!
Yours sincerely,
Mythy
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