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Theatre [edited]

by Hijinks


Anticipation cracks through the air like
the taut silence before fireworks --
broken by the hesitant song of the crickets,
the quiet murmuring of the crowd.
   
Our tense bodies with hearts drumming an uneven rhythm
and lungs pumping shallow breaths, are the fuses that
lie with unassuming stillness. We wait for a single match, the
opening note. It will quiet the droning bugs and still the waves
that softly lap against the dock, an audience
inevitably drawn towards the stage.
   
There is harmony to our anxiety and excitement --
we are scared by the falling ashes of the Roman
candles but allured by the flashing blinding colours that
will splash an awe-inspiring story against the black
canvas of heavy velvet curtains.
   
Then finally, the show is lit by a simple chord progression
and an arpeggio spills forth, filling the theatre with the quiet
pops of Bees soon amplified into roaring Lady Fingers with 
7th chords and glorious crescendos as
we combust into choreography, graceful like the waves and
mighty like the M-80s and unpretentious and glorious and beautiful --
    
Emotions lap the edges of the stage, ebbing and
flowing and surging until the waves are a reflection of
the booming sky, and they flood the audience
with water and singe them with bright sparks of colour.
    
Dancing explosions draw a story
against the dark heavens, illuminated by the moon,
spotlights that trace the swirls of light.
We are all consumed by colours, the music;
lost in this deafening echo of life. 
   
One last cherry bomb erupts, then the fireworks die,
the lights go down, the curtains fall -- our masks crumble
to our feet like confetti, and hidden by midnight curtains
from the crickets that have resumed their chirping,
we blaze into sparklers, our own private show;
fueled by flames of adrenaline and joy, clutching at limbs,
sending cheers into the empty night sky.
  
Colourful light cast by the fireworks that spun across the
stage, is just as illuminating as the stars in the sky, only
heightened by drama. Yet nothing is more palpable
than the lightning that flickers between castmates 
when we know that the musical erupted with more than just
complementary colours, but every tone in the rainbow. 


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417 Reviews

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Mon Jul 26, 2021 3:27 am
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Willard says...



Revisiting your work, and although this is very much a step up from the original, your writing has progressed in such a lovely & captivating way one year since.

My opinion shouldn't matter. I just really enjoy reading your poetry.

Bless.




Hijinks says...


Ah thank you Willard! That's very nice to hear :)



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Thu Jun 18, 2020 1:56 am
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LadyBug wrote a review...



Hi, watcha! Today I'm going to be leaving a brief review of your poem!

I love the imagery you portray, along with the flow. The detail is very well done and apart from a few lines that feel rather lacklustre, this is pretty well done!

The first thing I would like to mention is the amount of times you mention fireworks, I mean, it is a very good metaphor but maybe switching it out for some other colorful things. There are also a lot of double hyphens, no consistency to them and it makes the poem feel a tad bit scattered. :)

One thing I feel could be better is the ending, it leaves me on a rather hollow note, it doesn't feel like the strings have all been tied up.

But I really enjoy your style and love your work, it is very well done! Keep writing!

Jade




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Wed Jun 17, 2020 4:32 pm
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey, whatcha! I don't recall having reviewed your work before, so here I am!
I'm going to save the positive feedback for the end, alright? Before I begin, I am sorry if my review seems too critical. Just trying to write you a good review!

On with it, then.

In the very first stanza, there was a clash between the images/feelings. One feels like the silence tense with anticipation, but the other feels like a comfortable silence broken by soft sounds. I don't know how to explain it better than that, but to me it felt contradictory.

and lung pumping shallow breaths

*lungs

are the fuses that
lay with unassuming stillness.

*lie

It will quiet the droning bugs and still the waves
that softly lap against the dock, an audience
inevitably drawn towards the stage.

Hmm. For some reason, this image doesn't seem to work. At least, the last part about the audience doesn't go well with the rest of the lines. Maybe you could write it like this: "inevitably drawing the audience towards the stage". It connects the two parts a little better.

our masks crumble
to our feet like confetti

Maybe "tumble" could replace "crumble"? It would add a little alliteration and beat to these lines.

clutching at limbs,

This line felt out of place. Perhaps "clutching at each other" would convey what you mean in a clearer manner.

In the last stanza, there were a few commas lacking near the end.


Well, that's it.

*takes a deep breath*

This poem was AWESOME! It was full of emotion and imagery! You have done a GREAT job on this. For a moment, I experienced your euphoria and excitement, I could see the music lap out like waves, and was a part of the entranced audience. I read your first draft, and this is much better. It's absolutely brilliant! I could go on and on.

Dancing explosions draw a story
against the dark heavens, illuminated by the moon,
spotlights that trace the swirls of light.
We are all consumed by colours, the music;
lost in this deafening echo of life.

This was my favourite stanza. In fact, I felt so full of the music that I wondered why you would use the word "echo"; it doesn't seem to do justice to the sheer magnificence of this performance!
The imagery, like I said... Wow. There was a synaesthetic sense to this whole poem (how I could "see" the music) and I am truly awed by your skill. Well done! I would really love to see more work of this calibre! Keep writing, and keep impressing!

- An overwhelmed Lee who wants to listen to music right away




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Tue Jun 16, 2020 11:23 am
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hey, @whatchamacallit Flames here with a review! Before we start I think I should let you know I haven't reviewed in a while so if this isn't so good I'm sorry ahead of time. Lol Anyway I'll try and do my best!

Okay let jump right into it shall we?

So as I read through the poem I could only find one thing that seemed a little out, I could just be me but I thought I might as well mention it.

we are scared by the falling ashes of the Roman
candles but allured by the flashing blinding colours that
will splash an awe-inspiring story against the black
canvas of heavy velvet curtains.
.

There isn't anything wrong with what you've said here it all seems very well laid out, but as I read it was a bit of a mouth full having know commas in there, it just seems if you compare it to all the other sentences before it their short and you've got me into a rhythm as I read then when I got to this one it knocked me out a little. So if there is a chance you can add a comma in some where then that would help, but if not don't worry about. :D Remember this isn't a big thing and it could just be me.

Anyway other than that small thing I just loved this poem, I even when and read your old one before reviewing this so I could see how more you've improves and gosh I'm really amazed! You've gotten really good and should be proud!
Also I loved how you painted such a wonderful picture as you wrote this poem, as i was reading I couldn't help but get this images. And it helped bring more meaning into the poem! Your very skilled and I look forward to seeing more of your works!

I hope this review helped, and you will keep writing! I'll be looking out for more of your work in the green room! I hope you will never stop writing and post soon! Have a great day or night!

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix! <33

Reviewing with a fiery passion!





“I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”
— L.M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables