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by Hijinks

Vultures circle my rotting corpse
Impending assault
Threatening to dive at any moment.

Sinister hordes of crows flying low
Imminent attack
Terrorizing with their talons bared.

Mountain lions stalk on jagged rocks
Inevitable slaughter
Menacing and impartial to absurd fear.

Spiteful shark gliding just beyond sight
Inexorable advance
Unrelenting and patiently pursuing their prey.

Deprecating spectators waiting hidden
Inescapable judgment
Unfeeling, apathetic to my distress.

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232 Reviews

Points: 2178
Reviews: 232

Tue Jun 23, 2020 11:43 pm
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LadyBug wrote a review...

Hi watcha, Jade here to leave you a quick review :)

The first stanza really launched me into this, made me do a double take. It flowed well and I have no critiques and the second one went hand-in-hand with it. The format is very flowy and these two went well together. The third one and the mention of fear really ties in the metaphor, and I liked it! The fourth one, though, feels a bit unrelated, as it's one in water. I know it's a weird critique and I know it's a metaphor, but the others felt like something of a savannah region, and this was a weird plunge. excuse my pun.
Lastly, I think it ended on such a relatable note and left me with a with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I really relate to this and you worded it so well, it was a pleasure to read and I have no big concerns.

Keep writing, this is amazing!


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36 Reviews

Points: 2943
Reviews: 36

Fri May 15, 2020 4:26 pm
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mememimer wrote a review...

This poem is amazing.

The first thing I like about this poem is the image you have created in the minds of the readers.

Second, the state of mind had been compared to the most dangerous and powerful animals, that top the food chain. And that's exactly what anxiety does to the human mind, it eats YOU up.

Third, a good amount of vocabulary used and I really love your writing style! (*insert heart-eyed emoji)

Keep writing!

Best wishes,

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25 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 25

Sun Apr 26, 2020 9:09 am
Knight731 wrote a review...

Hello! I wanted to say that I have never been able to visualize e poem more in my life. As someone to gets anxious about almost everything I do, I can say that I was able to follow along with every word as if I was experiencing the words myself.

Anxiety is such a hard thing to overcome, and depending on the situation it can be harder or easier, but for me everything makes me want to hurl. I wanted to applaud you on the amazing imagery the poem created, I fell in love with the word choices you made.

Keep up the great work and keep writing from the heart!

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Points: 257
Reviews: 1

Thu Apr 09, 2020 5:07 am
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gonegirl01 wrote a review...

Wow! Need I say anymore? I was reading your poem, and the words began to saturate into my brain. How you compared your anxiety to vultures on a rotting corpse, that was so very descriptive and creative. As someone who has a constant struggle with anxiety, I must say this is well written and sums up anxiety quite accurately. If you, or anyone reading this review, need some advice or someone to listen to your struggles, please feel free to PM me. I am always available and always ready and willing to lend a helping hand wherever and whenever I can. As usual, keep up the amazing work and continue writing. You have a way with words and should see where it leads you.
Hope you have an Awesome Day,

Hijinks says...

Thanks for the review gonegirl01! I'm glad you enjoyed my poem. And thank you for the PM offer :]

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158 Reviews

Points: 6210
Reviews: 158

Wed Apr 08, 2020 12:10 pm
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Hkumar wrote a review...

Hey there!
It was really an intense poem. I liked the structure of your poem especially that you chose to write just two words in the second line of every stanza that emphasised more on your message.

You have mentioned about different predators that happen to attack on us when we are at our lowest. A kind of lifeless feeling is what I am getting out of these lines. As if one has accepted his defeat in life.

The last stanza is very relatable. Getting judged by the people around you is probably one of the worst feeling we experience in our day to day lives. It makes us more apprehensive about our actions and that's what makes us more vulnerable. The words 'inescapable judgement' suited best in this case. We can't help ourselves escape from the eyes of the people around you who are ready to despise you for your every wrong action.

Overall it was a short and interesting poem with some powerful emotions. I enjoyed it!
Keep writing :)

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Tue Apr 07, 2020 10:20 pm
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Master Jallahl says...

The structure is quite basic if I am to say so. It is as if playing a song on repeat, but in every replay there be a new observation noted. It is good. That is all I can say.

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31 Reviews

Points: 2199
Reviews: 31

Tue Apr 07, 2020 12:15 am
Alfonso22 wrote a review...

Wow! That is exactly how I am feeling right now-the target of innumerable hostile forces some earthly and some unearthly all hell-bent on converging on me. Just too many coincidences to be mere chance.

The only part that I didn't identify with was with the rotting corpse. Aren't corpses supposed to be unaware of all that stuff that happens to them after death? I think that other readers will pause immediately when reading that. Do you really want that long reader pause at the start in an effort to make sense of the statement? The shark gliding is easy to visualize but the barrage part I can'r seem to reconcile.

The spectator part hit home hard since I am beginning to suspect that there is indeed a hidden audience somewhere enjoying my distress. Waiting for a weakening of resolve? For the victim to finally give in to anger and resort to violence? They will judge one way or the other-so that is inescapable? Cruel and uncaring to human suffering?

A sudden image of those extraterrestrials in the film Fire in the Sky, where one human is abducted and forcefully submitted to experimentation on board their ship, came to mind. The cruelty in those alien faces is unforgettable!

One question: How can a mountain lion view human fear of getting attacked by it as being absurd?

All in all I enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your work!

Hijinks says...

Thank you for the review and feedback!

As the notifications drift in I stop and wonder. Why do they take so long? Do they have adventures we don't know about? I bet they do. When they come I will ask myself. What amazing adventure has this straggling notification been on? How far did it travel, and why didn't it take me?
— TypoWithoutCoffee