Young Writers Society

Omg, XDDDD
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Hey, veeren, I'm here to review this for you real quick XD I forgot about this XD

@ShadowVyper started this short, temporary trend, and I'm so glad Shadow did this-- I can now go back and enjoy these XD I thought I'd reviewed this before, but sadly I hadn't ;-;

Okay, so, first off, awesome job connecting Trump's perfect five syllable quote into a poetic form. Points for accuracy lol. No one knows what the hell he meant, but that's what we had to deal with XD

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!

XDD

Poetry if I ever saw it.

Mostly I have compliments and then a few comments!

Form Usage
It's great magic that Trump managed the beginning of a haiku in his debate "speech" so I'm glad you've taken advantage of it. And good counting syllables!

I even liked that you had to take out a grammatically necessary word to make the last line fit, because it added a little more personality and pointed out the nonsensicalness of the first statement.

Capitalization
Obviously I'm a fan of the no capitalization, but I think it fits well here because it further belittles the subjects of the debate in this context which I think is appropriate given the content. I think "China" could be capitalized I suppose or maybe even given Trump's signature pronunciation of "Chay-nuh" but lowercasing it highlights again the weirdness of the thing trump is saying.

Meaning
The meaning I took from this poem was. We want things to make sense and for people to make responsible decisions -> ie. "not eating cookies until you finish your meal" but unfortunately we are given literal nonsense and no way to make sense of it.

In a way the poem could be a playful nod to how nonsensical poetry sometimes is, where weird statements like "the dog cartwheeled its heart away" might be allowed even though it makes no sense logistically - > in the same way Trump's line is nonsensical so the only explanation is that it must be poetry.

Suggestion
The poem kind of has a 5 minute shelf-life because it's so tied to current events that it wouldn't hold much meaning next week unfortunately, to combat that you could add a little author's note saying our Commander and Chief said this in the presidential candidates debate, or some sort of other note. Including the names trump and biden does make the poem a little more accessible for people who may not have watched the debate, but the poem is still kind of a niche item. (which is really okay depending on your purpose, but hey I'm trying to give you a legitimate review here).

Overall
Overall, this was a funny little piece that made me laugh despite having watched that train-wreck. Thanks for the poem y'all!

Keep on writing!

(subnote: also I'd love to hear your process for writing this, because group poetry is hard, and group-haikus I imagine is even harder since you've only got like 10 words to work with !!)

all the best,

~alliyah

Last Minute RevMo Review

Veersies!

I feel GUILT that I encouraged this behavior and now we've got all these haikus in the Green Room so here I be to try to review this for you!

I really like that you are able to use such short words to convey the meaning so it flows really well. I know in my haiku I got caught up with multi-syllable words, and I like how your poem is almost exclusively made of single-syllable words so we can sort of get into a cadence.

I think you could make this haiku even stronger by being more intentional about your punctuation. I know in poetry it's a stylistic choice, along with capitalization, but I think you could really use some stronger punctuation to really drive home the flow of this poem.

All in all, good poem, +10/10

~Shady

This is prime entertainment (I did NOT watch the debates tonight bc if it was turned into a drinking game for when trump said anything stupid then I would DIE)

this is the most enlightening haiku i have ever read

beautiful. peak poetry. i have never been more proud of you in my entire life.