the sun meets the horizongently flirts as it sets.the sky cries for a colorjust before it has leftthrough chaos til composure,what a beautiful mess.the stars glow like an angeljust as you do, no less
Hey veersies, Shady here with a quick review for you this fine evening <3 Let me start by saying that this is an absolutely beautiful poem! It's short, but packs so much beautiful imagery into it in two short stanzas, and is really just an enjoyable read from start to end. The one critique I have is:
the sky cries for a colorjust before it has left
through chaos til composure,what a beautiful mess.
Hey dear, this one is beautiful.....
Hi there! This is such a beautiful poem, though very simple. As someone who struggles ab it with written poetry, I really appreciate the simplicity of poems like this, that you can really see as a conversation. I have always appreciated poetry more in the spoken format as I feel that the emotions translate better, but this poem doesn't need that. You can feel every emotion in the words that you've written here, which is quite a feat. The title is also beautiful, and I love poems that are tied together by their titles. A slight title change could give this poem a completely different meaning, and I love the one that you've settled on. It's such a raw thing to say and it has so much love in it. I also really, really appreciate the subtle but still fitting rhyme scheme you've used here. It doesn't feel forced at all, and it flows right off the tongue and is so melodious. I love this poem so much! Great work!
Hello! My name is Via and I'm here for a review. So let's get started!This right here is just lovely. I can tell that you edited and revised this well, because I don't find any lines that I can deem unnecessary, which is a good skills, especially for poetry. It's very simple, clear, and concise, something I always admire in good poetry. The two stanzas fit together and sing together in harmony which is just wonderful. The language you chose, does great justice to the themes and emotions you are trying to put behind it. I didn't see a set structure at first, but then when I looked more into the rhythm, I saw, like @whatchamacallit, a 7-6-7-6 syllable scale, which works very well and is consistent. Thank you as well for a consistent ABCB rhyme scale. The rhyming and rhythm adds a more whimsical feel to the poem, which is just perfect for the choice of images and diction. Sometimes the inconsistency adds emotional layers to the poem, here that would take away from the feeling. The use of alliteration with consonance is something I highly admire in the following lines;
through chaos til composure
the sky cries for a color
just as you do, no less
just before it has left
Dang oof This is beautiful.The title is good enough, but the poem, I might have to post on my wall (irl that is)Idk I want review points so I’m going to point out how the whole time your descriptors can flip romantically but you only define the metaphor in the last phrase. How you watch the sun set and stars rise in chronological order. How the actual poetic lines are so perfect for love. How the rhythm is flawless and rhyme scheme simply perfect, and one line physically drops into the next. I could try to turn this into a song lol.In closing, wow.
Hi there veeren! I saw this sweet little poem hanging around and thought I'd stop by with a quick review for you ^^I really love how simple and clean this poem is. You say exactly the right amount, not any more or any less - the two stanzas fit together so nicely and the poem feels like it finishes at just the right spot. The imagery, too, is short and sweet and altogether quite effective. My favourite description has to be in the opening stanza when you describe the sun "flirting with the horizon" -> that sort of language helps to set up a romantic mood while also painting a lovely image. The flow and rhyming scheme also help to give the poem a kind of gentler feel, if that makes sense. It looks like you're using a 7-6-7-6 syllable count? The consistency in line length and syllable count definitely strengthens the flow and rhythm of the poem! There are just a couple of spots where I feel like you sacrificing the feel of the poem for the flow + rhyming scheme. The first is at the start:
the sun meets the horizongently flirts as it sets.
just before it has left
I really liked reading this! The way you rhymed made it feel very melodic, almost like a lullaby. It's very lyrical and pretty. I could visualize the entire scene very easily because of your wonderful word choices. To me, it feels like it's telling someone that no matter their flaws, their "chaos" you still think they are amazing. I love this AHHHH!! I wish some one could read me this.
Hello! This is so very lovely and Romantic! You are able to capture a scene perfectly in two stanzas while also making me wish someone was reading this to me! I don't think you should change anything! This is so beautiful. "Through chaos til composure, what a beautiful mess" is such an amazing and raw line!
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