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i.a.e.y.o.u.

by veeren


i hate the fact that
the goodbye lasted longer
than the hello did


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Fri May 05, 2017 7:59 pm
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RubyRed says...



Now I can tell myself likes don't define a work. LOL! XD




veeren says...


heh i have no idea if that's a compliment or not e.e



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Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:50 pm
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thehotinpsychotic wrote a review...



Hey, thehotinpsychotic here to review! I really like the idea of this poem, but I don't think it's fitting for a haiku. I think something as small as a line or more extra would do the phrase better justice. I realize that poetry can have a more abstract punctuation, but I would suggest that you capitalize the first word to every line, especially 'I'. I think you could do without the capitalization on the second two lines, but when 'I' isn't capitalized, it makes it look like a typo and almost turned me off from reading the story. This was good, but I feel like you should add to it if you want it to be even better.




veeren says...


thanks for the review xp



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Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:13 pm
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Arcticus says...



Okay this is nice but maybe a little too short for reviewing xD




veeren says...


indeed xp



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Thu Mar 13, 2014 3:49 pm
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Niraco wrote a review...



Ah, haikus, how I love them so. This one was no different.

I actually came across this poem back when it was in the greenroom (should have taken up those lovely points when I had the chance :L). I wanted to review it then but things got in the way and now here we are. Also nice job on having it on the spotlight.

I really like the feeling behind this poem.

the goodbye lasted longer
than the hello did


I found that these were the best lines. I find that it is something almost anyone can relate to.

Like many other people have said there is the issue of grammar but like many have said again poetry has the power to kick grammar out. Personally I think this would have just looked a bit nicer with punctuation.

All in all a really nice short and sweet poem which I really enjoyed!




veeren says...


well im glad you can relate and that you enjoyed it xp
thanks for the review xp



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Wed Mar 12, 2014 11:33 pm
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RoseAndThorn says...



Those three lines... basically narrate the story of my life.
Wow.




veeren says...


glad you could relate xp



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Wed Mar 12, 2014 4:12 pm
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Monsters wrote a review...



Sorry if this seems close minded of me as I actually do see the value in the haiku. This in particular has no image but it has a story (i.e. just abstraction). I don't know if I like it and like usual there is many people who disagree with me. (This time almost everyone). It speaks to me but at the same time it is numb and numb is actually the absence of the feeling or so distant that it is weak. I use to like distant emotion but I've seen it over and over again and am starting to realize just how dull and boring it is to do. So what really makes this poem deserve so much 'awe' I don't think I know. It is not vivid and sense it is a haiku there is not much there.

I wanted something more from you and right now this simply doesn't express to me any concept that is new and refreshing. All it does do effectively is relate to all audiences because the primary concept is cliché and we have all been through it before, for the most part.

Also, I do know your philosophy is you needn't go into detail but at the same time details can be beautiful and paint the pictures making it vivid. The reason haiku's are so hard is not because there is less, not because you are sacrificing things in the poem but because it takes a really talented, well-verse writer to say everything in the three lines. This does say everything but it scarifies the images and it doesn't quite roll off my tongue.

Just my take on this poem. It is still good but in three lines I think it should be better.




veeren says...


ill take your opinions into accou t next time I write xp
thanks for reading :D



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Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:28 am
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EscapeToNeverland wrote a review...



Hey Veer! It's me T.J here to review.

Anyway, as I said before this is beautiful. I dont like goodbyes, they make me sad, something about them, maybe the fact that you may never see that person again.

Though I must say Veeren even though this is beautiful, the concept, the words themselves I need to point something out. GRAMMA!!!
You must use a capital letter when needed. I thought you would no better. Tsk, tsk tsk. *Shakes head in dissapointment*

Doesn't matter I guess. Now I'm hoping that this is just figrative and not symbolising something. But hey either way it makes a lovely piece.
Good job, Veer.
I look foward to reading more of your work.
~Neverland. xx




veeren says...


hey now missy capitalization is a matter of preference when it comes to poetry xp
thanks again ;)





Not really. It's common gramma!
And you're welcome again. Though I have to ask. Why did you call it 'i.a.e.y.o.u.'?



veeren says...


no no no, that's a freedom you have in poetry missy
and look at the first comment xp





That makes more sense now, Veer!

I still think you should use proper gramma! You're 18!! I'm younger then you and I still have better gramma!





That makes more sense now, Veer!

I still think you should use proper gramma! You're 18!! I'm younger then you and I still have better gramma!



veeren says...


dont you geeeeeet it. its a stylistic choice whether you want to follow the rules of grammar or not when it comes to poetry xp like as said below, ee cummings was a fan of all lower case works.

oh and how does that make it make sense again xp





Nevermind your mind is obviously to small to comprehend the words that I say.



veeren says...


kids these days





Old people these days. *Raises eyebrow*



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Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:21 am
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GreenLight24 says...



What's with the short poems on this site? They're always the best ones lol.

#weirdcoincidences




veeren says...


if you learn anything when it comes to writing, let it be that drawing things out longer than they should be often leads to a metaphorical bullet through the foot. xp



GreenLight24 says...


I have experienced that first hand hahaha. Trust me. :P



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Wed Mar 12, 2014 1:54 am
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CowLogic says...



Hi!

Well, now that that's done, it is time to bid my farewell, fine Veer. It was very nice knowing you in this context, and I believe this visit to your poem was very gratifying. However, all good things must come to an end my old chap. Goodbye, farewell, mi ami, my brohaha, I'll see ya round. Auf Wiedersehen! Tschuss! Ciao!




veeren says...


i see what you did there you sly farm creature you



fortis says...


lol cow



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Wed Mar 12, 2014 12:09 am
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Bellator wrote a review...



I thoroughly enjoyed this. It packed a punch, which is especially nice in such a short work. It reminds me of a snippet of a private thought, one that many can relate to. I like that it has a plain, open meaning. I hate having to go scuba-diving into a text just to understand what I'm reading. My only complaint would probably be the title. I didn't really understand what it meant. Did anyone else have that problem, or am I just slow? But really, a fantastic piece. Keep writing!
-Bellator




veeren says...


ive heard other complaints about the title xp
but im glad you liked it :D



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Tue Mar 11, 2014 4:41 pm
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ShadowVyper wrote a review...



Veersies!

You wrote a poem... And it's actually a serious poem. Wut?

Anyway, it's a good poem. I like it... though, as you know, I am poetry-inept, so, like, serious poetry I don't really have much to say about. That's my heartless pit coming out, I guess. Oh well. I struggle to find any LLL references to this, and I'm afraid that I might be stretching it a tad bit too far when I find WR references in this. Oh well. Reading into text is fun sometimes. >8D

So, I couldn't help but think that this haiku has something to do with Lordie's and Yamani's relationship. I mean, with the hello Lordie just turned on his sovereign queen-- but with the goodbye... man, that has lasted for years now. Strategic blows. Crumbling statues. Little matches. Good times, good times.

Or maybe! Maybe this is a preview of what's to come. Is this to your way of telling us that you plan of breaking up with Reggy? I mean, the goodbye with Yamani has lasted for years... but Reggy hasn't been around all that long. Is this you telling us that she's about to go? I think I like this plan... Mwahaha. Maybe Reggy is about to learn the beauty of coming over to the light:

Wild hearts can't be broken~

-Shady 8)




ShadowVyper says...


@AriaAdams



veeren says...


that actually makes much more sense than it should >.>
I officially make that theMeaning behind this poem xp



ShadowVyper says...


Haha! Victoire! c:



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Tue Mar 11, 2014 12:54 pm
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YourLowness says...



This was short

but really packed a punch.

I love this work.

It's like a little thought excerpt.
Although it isn't exactly merry, it is honest and I love the honesty in this work. :)

It is really sad actually, the more I think about it.

But I can't stop re-reading it, which means it is gooooooooooood. :D




veeren says...


im glad you liked it xp



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Tue Mar 11, 2014 7:52 am
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Venonymous wrote a review...



I like these types of poems the most. Short but meaningful. And yours were both short and meaningful. It's like getting a full-house on poker. Or is this a haiku? Well I just couldn't tell the difference.

The title made me curious, and the poem didn't let me down. It filled me with emotion and made me imagine a relationship, friends or lovers or family, it could be anything. But somehow I imagined about a departure at an old railway station and the train slowly moved away as they waved goodbye for the last time.

And you used all lowercase letters, are you inspired by e.e cummings?

Importantly, I enjoyed reading this.




veeren says...


the lower case was mainly because im lazy ;)
but thanks, im glad you liked it :D



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Tue Mar 11, 2014 3:32 am
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WindSailor says...



That was deep. I actually found this quite a good haiku.




veeren says...


why thank you :D



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Tue Mar 11, 2014 2:50 am
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indieeloise wrote a review...



VEERY WROTE A POEM WUHT
Yay this excites me :D

So I have to admit I am very curious about the meaning behind the deep, ambiguous title.. I don't feel like it's doing much for the poem because of that. The titles of haikus/short short poems are especially fun because oftentimes they are longer than the poem itself. This poem seems to capture one moment that includes a brief flashback (3rd line) - so maybe for the title you could delve into the setting/character or something. Give us a mental image or a reason to root for the speaker. Just a suggestion.

The core behind the brevity of this is really intriguing. Personally, I could see where someone would want the goodbye to last longer because it would be like their last moments with that person. But your POV is original and zesty and makes me think of orange peels.

Keep it up, friend!
Indie




veeren says...


but a longer goodbye can also mean there wasn't much if a hello to remember xp
and orange peels are exactly what I was going for.
thaaanks though indie deeaarr xp



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Tue Mar 11, 2014 2:30 am
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fortis says...



:'(




veeren says...


xp



fortis says...


Wait. I don't get the title. And that's like, a fifth of the poem.
Is it like, vowels, (a.e.i.o.y.o.u.) but then the letters wouldn't be in that order...
Or like almost I hate you, except that's not it either.
Maybe it just stands for something that I don't know... xp



veeren says...


you actually got it but I wont tell you how xp



Alpha says...


iou? -bums in-



veeren says...


What now



CamorynAnn says...


i believe it's meant to be the vowels/"y" from "I hate you", yes?



veeren says...


correct you are xp




A good artist should be isolated. If he isn't isolated, something is wrong.
— Orson Welles