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white lies and campfires

by veeren

listen to the song here <3

this is an old song i wrote and sang but wanted to officially publish to give myself inspiration for NaPo. i hope you all enjoy <333

~  ~  LYRICS  ~  ~

say there's nothing left but memories
keeping me awake when i try to sleep
every thought i have it's you and me
help me get my head out of these sheets

don't want if i can't have it
but i still want that magic
but what does that even mean to you

i sit here and imagine
if we were stuck in traffic
pretend the world just stopped for me and you

but not you too~

Is this a review?



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767 Reviews

Points: 26330
Reviews: 767

Tue Sep 14, 2021 5:03 pm
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...

Hi veer! I wanted to bestow upon you another ramble of my thoughts in the shape of a review (partially for the RevMo checklist challenge, but also because I love your music).

First point: I love your music. I love that you've included your own singing (fantastic) and composition (phenomenal) to this song, because it clearly demonstrates that you have an intentional flow and feel to the song, backed up by the fact that you have, in fact, sung it. But even if you didn't include your own recording, these stanzas encapsulate the flow very well within themselves. Just reading them without the music, I still get the beat and flow, the give and take of each line. It's really well done!

Also, even with these three short stanzas, you evoke a lot of feeling through your imagery. I get a sense of longing folded between the lines about love. The first stanza almost paints the narrator as sick of love, that it bothers them throughout their life, like they can't move on with the rest of life happening around them, but they're still so enamored by it that they imagine what the world would be like if love was the only thing. It sounds vaguely sad to me, like the narrator is almost mourning for something else outside this relationship. Or maybe they're not entirely happy in it but feel stuck? Maybe this thought ramble helps you see the song from a different perspective?

I would agree with the other reviewers that this doesn't feel like it has resolution. (And you also acknowledged that the end wasn't well planned out haha). The last line is a bit vague, and I think you can pivot it to shed more light on the narrator. Do they feel disconnected from their partner and thinks their partner doesn't want the same thing? Or does the narrator feel stuck because of this particular partner? If you ever decided to revisit this piece, even just another stanza to shed more light on what the "me and you" of the song look like (happy together? not? pretending their fine by shoving problems under the rug? or stuck in unfortunate circumstances?) would really boost the meaning.

But the tl;dr of this review is you are so good at writing lyrics and songs. Please share more ^^

Happy writing!
~ Wolfe

veeren says...


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121 Reviews

Points: 110
Reviews: 121

Wed Mar 24, 2021 4:13 pm
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manilla wrote a review...

Alright! Wow! Music-related things out of the way first.

1) Can I cover this? I sing a bit and play the piano, and this is such a gorgeous tune.
2) Your voice is so fluid and amazing! It's like warm coffee on a rainy day.
3) The minimalistic instrumentals with the guitar were so terribly effective, and they really helped set a chord progression that could easily be followed. This belongs on those "you're the main character in a romcom movie" playlists - all the feels, you know?

Now regarding the lyrics, the picture they paint is pretty clear! Someone reminiscing a love, now lost, like little murmurs of the conscience. They are tender and bittersweet, but I can't help and imagine how the title really connects to the lyrics. Maybe, that's for you to know, but maybe, it's part of the magic you described. There's a vague element in them as well, especially in the second stanza. It's a little contrast from the first and third, so maybe for consistency you could define the "it", which I assume is love. But that's a really stylistic choice and the song can benefit either way.

I have the same concerns as niteowl does about the last line, where the meaning isn't terribly clear in how it links to the line before. Is the world stopping for the "you" as well? Has the narrator's world stopped already and can't move on, unlike the "you"?

Other than that, I have no other comments, other than this was such a sweet song. I'm so happy to find more singer-songwriters on this site. Keep singing, and keep writing!

veeren says...

first of all I would ABSOLUTELY LOVE IF YOU WERE TO COVER THIS just let me know if u need the instrumental :,,))

and also thank you so much for the compliments and critiques, you're definitely right that it comes off as vague, and in some parts it is not intentional just lay z LOL

but ahhh thank you again for reading and listening <3

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1274 Reviews

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Reviews: 1274

Tue Mar 23, 2021 2:36 am
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niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there veeren! Niteowl here to drop a quick review.

First off, I love your voice and the music for this. I write lyrics but am really bad at the music part so I'm jealous, haha.

That said, I'm unsure about the ending line and I also feel like this could be developed a little more. "but not you too" is a little abrupt and grammatically a little weird. I think it might be better as "but not for you", like the other person is moving on while the narrator is stuck. Other alternatives are a little longer, like "but did it stop for you?"

On potential expansion, there's a couple possibilities

1) Getting into more detail of the past and the memories, perhaps tying in the title (not that every song has to have the title in it, but it's interesting and makes me want to know more).

2) Adding in the other person's perspective...is it true that they've moved on? Could make an interesting duet, kind of like "If the World Was Ending" by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels. Or it could stay in the current perspective, imagining all the things the other person is doing without the narrator.

Overall, it's a great little song, though if you wanted to expand it that has some potential. Keep writing! :D

veeren says...

thank you for the review :,,)) I love the ideas and I will admit the ending was more of me being lazy than anything so there definitely took for improvement.

also another perspective?? that would be AMAZING so thank you for that suggestion.

I'm glad you took the time to listen <3

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92 Reviews

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Reviews: 92

Mon Mar 22, 2021 11:55 am
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AvantCoffee says...

BRO ;-;;;;;; I HAD A HUNCH YOU ALSO DID MUSIC STUFF and i love this <333 :'')) ahh it's really cool to have another moosic bud on yws!!! ;w;

The guitar is recorded so clearly and i love the effects on your voice and the obscure vocals towards the end ~~~

i also LOVE the title of the song, and love the third stanza lyrics with the idea of the traffic - definitely enjoyed listening c:

veeren says...


also to be fair im MUCH more into music production and audio engineering so I must be transparent and say that is not me playing the guitar LOL

but ahhhh im so happy you liked it and took the time to listen :,,( <3

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48 Reviews

Points: 303
Reviews: 48

Sun Mar 21, 2021 9:55 pm
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LilPWilly says...

This is really good. My only advice is make the last line less ambiguous, maybe “‘cause I still love you” or “do you want it too?”
I especially like the third stanza, the world stopping for them cause they’re stuck in traffic. That's cool.
Where did you publish it? I’d give it a listen.

veeren says...

I left a link to the soundcloud audio at the top of the work if you wanna hear it. I appreciate you reading and commenting though <3

LilPWilly says...

Ofc. it%u2019s a really good song, and your voice sounds cool, and somehow just how I imagined it loll. I love sad slowish guitar songs like this, and your melodies are really good as well. Srsly, wanna collab?

veeren says...

collab you say?? do you make music?? %uD83D%uDC40

LilPWilly says...

Yes lol I write music, and just use garage band for the rest. I followed you on SoundCloud. I took down my music too, cause in the takes i was pretty pitchy and it came out wrong, but I have a few songs in the works, maybe I%u2019ll share them with you later.
Yes please collab. I am not a guitarist, so I would pay good money for a guitar loop like the one in this song. And your voice is priceless.
Oh, and your lyrics are good too lol

veeren says...

im actually more into music production and audio engineering so if you do wanna collab im always down to work

just PM me and we can work out the details id love to hear your work too

if ya mention chickens, i have to show up, that is the law.
— alliyah