Young Writers Society

Hi veer! I wanted to bestow upon you another ramble of my thoughts in the shape of a review (partially for the RevMo checklist challenge, but also because I love your music).

First point: I love your music. I love that you've included your own singing (fantastic) and composition (phenomenal) to this song, because it clearly demonstrates that you have an intentional flow and feel to the song, backed up by the fact that you have, in fact, sung it. But even if you didn't include your own recording, these stanzas encapsulate the flow very well within themselves. Just reading them without the music, I still get the beat and flow, the give and take of each line. It's really well done!

Also, even with these three short stanzas, you evoke a lot of feeling through your imagery. I get a sense of longing folded between the lines about love. The first stanza almost paints the narrator as sick of love, that it bothers them throughout their life, like they can't move on with the rest of life happening around them, but they're still so enamored by it that they imagine what the world would be like if love was the only thing. It sounds vaguely sad to me, like the narrator is almost mourning for something else outside this relationship. Or maybe they're not entirely happy in it but feel stuck? Maybe this thought ramble helps you see the song from a different perspective?

I would agree with the other reviewers that this doesn't feel like it has resolution. (And you also acknowledged that the end wasn't well planned out haha). The last line is a bit vague, and I think you can pivot it to shed more light on the narrator. Do they feel disconnected from their partner and thinks their partner doesn't want the same thing? Or does the narrator feel stuck because of this particular partner? If you ever decided to revisit this piece, even just another stanza to shed more light on what the "me and you" of the song look like (happy together? not? pretending their fine by shoving problems under the rug? or stuck in unfortunate circumstances?) would really boost the meaning.

But the tl;dr of this review is you are so good at writing lyrics and songs. Please share more ^^

Happy writing!
~ Wolfe

Alright! Wow! Music-related things out of the way first.

1) Can I cover this? I sing a bit and play the piano, and this is such a gorgeous tune.
2) Your voice is so fluid and amazing! It's like warm coffee on a rainy day.
3) The minimalistic instrumentals with the guitar were so terribly effective, and they really helped set a chord progression that could easily be followed. This belongs on those "you're the main character in a romcom movie" playlists - all the feels, you know?

Now regarding the lyrics, the picture they paint is pretty clear! Someone reminiscing a love, now lost, like little murmurs of the conscience. They are tender and bittersweet, but I can't help and imagine how the title really connects to the lyrics. Maybe, that's for you to know, but maybe, it's part of the magic you described. There's a vague element in them as well, especially in the second stanza. It's a little contrast from the first and third, so maybe for consistency you could define the "it", which I assume is love. But that's a really stylistic choice and the song can benefit either way.

I have the same concerns as niteowl does about the last line, where the meaning isn't terribly clear in how it links to the line before. Is the world stopping for the "you" as well? Has the narrator's world stopped already and can't move on, unlike the "you"?

Other than that, I have no other comments, other than this was such a sweet song. I'm so happy to find more singer-songwriters on this site. Keep singing, and keep writing!
-Manilla

Hi there veeren! Niteowl here to drop a quick review.

First off, I love your voice and the music for this. I write lyrics but am really bad at the music part so I'm jealous, haha.

That said, I'm unsure about the ending line and I also feel like this could be developed a little more. "but not you too" is a little abrupt and grammatically a little weird. I think it might be better as "but not for you", like the other person is moving on while the narrator is stuck. Other alternatives are a little longer, like "but did it stop for you?"

On potential expansion, there's a couple possibilities

1) Getting into more detail of the past and the memories, perhaps tying in the title (not that every song has to have the title in it, but it's interesting and makes me want to know more).

2) Adding in the other person's perspective...is it true that they've moved on? Could make an interesting duet, kind of like "If the World Was Ending" by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels. Or it could stay in the current perspective, imagining all the things the other person is doing without the narrator.

Overall, it's a great little song, though if you wanted to expand it that has some potential. Keep writing!

BRO ;-;;;;;; I HAD A HUNCH YOU ALSO DID MUSIC STUFF and i love this <333 :'')) ahh it's really cool to have another moosic bud on yws!!! ;w;

The guitar is recorded so clearly and i love the effects on your voice and the obscure vocals towards the end ~~~

i also LOVE the title of the song, and love the third stanza lyrics with the idea of the traffic - definitely enjoyed listening c:

This is really good. My only advice is make the last line less ambiguous, maybe “‘cause I still love you” or “do you want it too?”
I especially like the third stanza, the world stopping for them cause they’re stuck in traffic. That's cool.
Where did you publish it? I’d give it a listen.