Young Writers Society

"Why go home
When home never meant much" I love this opening line...it is fantastic it lets me know home isn't safe for this person and I've felt the same. I also loved how you used literary devices describing what it's like there. I could see it in this line "Why go home when home is just A second hell a place of mourn." Overall a beautiful work that can be relatable to a lot of people.
GREAT JOB

Heyy, first off, I hope you are doing okay.
I also wanted to add that I couldn't relate more to this poem as someone who's been facing this all my life.
Your words radiate strong emotions- hurt, sorrow, anger- although the poem is a subtle attempt at portraying something extremely harsh.

The first line, "Why go home" is I think the strongest, which expresses reproach and numbness towards the one place that is supposed to be your place of safety and comfort.

Another line that touched me was "A blink a flash and disappear", when you're so broken, even death seems more appealing than having to go back there and deal with that stuff. It also reminds us of the chilling fact that it takes just a few seconds for everything to be over. That's scary.

Lastly, a line that shouted out to me the most, "When home never meant much", It's a little personal to share this- I've never called my "home" home, cuz it never was. I always refer to it as "house". I've always found my home in my chosen family- my best friends. But I believe that even when there's no one there, we should be able to feel like we're home, just within our own selves.

I'll always remember your poem and I acknowledge the resilience it takes to survive something so horrible. You are strong and amazing. Hoping to read more from you!

Just a small suggestion- I agree about using appropriate punctuation in the right places- it enhances your poem and helps with communicating your emotions in a better way and more powerfully.

I hope you know that you aren't alone and we're here for you! Please reach out to me anytime you want to!

Hello, hope all is well. Here for a review.

Wow. First let me say that this is an emotionally raw poem. You can feel the pain. You can feel the numbness. The emphasis you use helps propel those emotions.

"Why go home"

The way you space out your thoughts leaves perfect pauses for the reader to fully take in the next time.

"Why go home when I could reach out
To the silence"

This right here is my favorite line. The way you set apart those lines adds emphasis to the idea of silence. I love the way you structured that. Beautiful.

"A blink a flash and disappear"

Strong yet simple description of how short a moment is and how sudden death can be.

You poured yourself into this poem and I applaud you for that.

My favorite line is the last line to which you say "I'm finally going home".

The symbolism of your new found home. The silence. The foreshadowing of this with the rain described in the line before is very good.

I agree with previous reviewers that I hope you are not contemplating suicide yourself. Don't go through with it. Please continue to express yourself through your art. You are seen. You are heard. You are enough. Beautiful work. Keep up the good work

Hi @stygianmoon17 - I read below where you commented more on what this poem is about, and I am so sorry for your loss. That is absolutely heartbreaking - and my heart really goes out to anyone who has lost a friend or family member to suicide, or who experiences those sorts of feelings themselves. I hope this poem was able to maybe bring you some ability to process through some of that heaviness - and maybe helps readers to understand that darkness too.

Some thoughts on your poem -

You cover the theme of suicidal ideation very gently, in the beginning - where it is a bit ambiguous what the "home" might mean - whether the speaker is referring to a physical home or the after-life. "silence" is then used in the same way as a euphemism. In the end the speaker reflects on the weather and gains a sense of closure as they anticipate going to their final home. In the heartbreaking end, it appears that the speaker has chosen the "final home" rather than to continue with the difficult one they have in life.

A few suggestions -

I think this poem would benefit from some commas for clarity of message.

"A second hell a place of mourn" <- how it's written I had to read it three times to understand because at first I thought you meant "a hell of a place" rather than "a hell, ... a place" -> would add clarity to just write "A second hell, a place of mourn" -> would also suggest maybe changing "mourn" to "mourning" to avoid confusion with it being short for "morning" and to flow a bit better.

"A blink a flash and disappear" -> would also benefit from commas. "A blink, a flash, and disappear".

The other two lines I'm a bit on the fence with are "kick the bucket" seems like such a cold way to phrase death in this case, and just doesn't feel like it fits the tone of the rest of the piece. Maybe "cross the bridge" or a different softer euphemism would fit a bit better.

I also similarly thought "the sky was crying" felt a tad cliche for this context, I wonder if there is a gentler or more inventive way that could be described. There's a few images in poetry that are just done so much they are really hard not to sound a bit cliche -> "tears = rain" and "heartbreak = broken glass" are two that are especially difficult.

I thought your final line was a good connection back to the beginning of the poem and added a sense of continuity and conclusion, though it was a heartbreaking and sad ending.

I think the poem overall is a good length for what you are working to get across here. I think some of the ambiguity towards the beginning of the poem runs the risk of not being understood as you move into the second half - but I also don't think that is necessarally a bad thing - it reminds me a tad of "stopping by the woods on a snowy evening" by Robert Frost which has some of that same ambiguity.

Finally I'm going to leave a link to this Crisis and Safety Resource List that I helped put together that has some links for online crisis network and grief resources for teens in case either of those are helpful for any readers.

all the best,

alliyah

Your poem is short, but full of emotion. All the years of that you had to endure in your own home was summarized in a gut-wrenching, emotion-spilling, and wounded poem. I really hope that you'll find a place that you will be proud of to call home.

Why go home

When home never meant much

It’s a noisy place of shouting and crying

Why go home when home is just

A second hell a place of mourn

Why go home when I could reach out

To the silence

On the other side of the road

Why go home when it would be so easy

To cross the line kick the bucket

A blink a flash and disappear

Today it was snowing

It all went so fast

Today the sky was crying

I’m finally going home

Hello Stygian! I hope you're having a lovely day, so let's get on with the review!

First off the bat, I loved the drama of the poem. It's very dark and sad, and it gets the tone of suicide very well.

Today the sky was crying

A blink a flash and disappear

Hi there! This is Ina aka loveissourgrape and I am here to give you a review/comment for your lovely poem. This is very sad though, if it happens to you in real life. I hope you're okay.

When I saw the title, I thought it would be a soft poem. Like why go home if you're wasting your time with a loved one. But it was about not wanting to go home because people in your broken home are always screaming and nagging. This actually reminds me of my mom's childhood. She wakes up and she hears her mother and father arguing, and her and her sisters make it fast to go to school right away, so they don't hear their parents verbally and physically hurting each other.

Then she gets bullied in school, then goes to detention for it because the bullies blame her. She would spend her time alone and she had her first job when she was like as old as me. Since she likes being alone because people always hurt her physically and mostly emotionally, she would stay there for hours until the sun goes down. She tells the teacher that she doesn't wanna go home. And for your information, she was like seven or something when this happened. She was a pre schooler. Thanks to my father, my siblings and me, she overcome and cut off her horrible family.

I hope you get to do the same when you get older, if this is not fictional. I really hope you are okay. Please surround yourself around people you trust and that care about you. Overall, the poem is okay but what is important is that you, a human being that shouldn't be treated like this, is okay. Have a blessed day/night. c: