Young Writers Society

Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! Before I dive into it though please know that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad.
Just one quick thing: Are you sure your DID just didn't go into remission? I don't have DID (and or DDNOS) myself, but I do have what's called ASD so I know that psychological disorders don't disappear overnight, even with drugs/and or therapy, and this is just a thought, but wouldn't claiming that 'I had a disorder and it went away practically overnight' be spreading harmful misconceptions? ^^
Your experiences and feelings are still valid, I just thought I'd mention it because I some people might be hurt by that falsehood <33

The second time you'll meet me, I'll defend my opinions with a full heart

My wit will be my weapon and I'll parry with my thoughts.

The third time you'll know me, I'll let you in my mind

But never in my heart

You really struck a chord with me there, and got me thinking about modern day society. People these days are quick to defend and parry with angry beliefs but never let anyone in to their heart, or mind.
Everything is a battle when it comes to opinions now days.
My rabbit-holing aside, I can really see the brokenness your trying to convey and the differences between your personalities and overall I think you did a good job here <33

And the fifth time you knew me, I spilled the shards of my broken heart

Maybe there's a better word you could use besides 'spilled'? The word spilled a bit...dull? Anti-climatic? It feels like you could have used a stronger word

That you didn't want to care about what I had gone through

Ahhh yess, the words of agony. Love that line <333

And the seventh time I stumbled upon you, you had wormed your way in my heart

Before scattering right out, leaving your holes and scars behind in me

Hmmmm...so whose the narrator talking to? It feels like she's speaking to a lover, or close friend. It could be a causal acquaintance I guess, but then, if the narrator is feeling this much hurt then it has to be someone close to her. It's usually the people we love and trust the most that bring out the strongest pain in us.

And the tenth time you'll see me, you'll barely look up

Without knowing that was the last time you'll ever see me

And so, incessantly, I'll repeat I am sorry

For it never needed to end by one of us taking the jump.

I have a soft spot for poems that end on an unhappy note <3333
That concludes this review. I hope you found it helpful <33
-Ashlyn

Hello there!

First things first, I am a part of a diagnosed traumagenic programmed DDNOS system, so I recognize the issues that come along with that. If you ever want to discuss some things about mental health, just send me a PM! <3

The first time you'll see me, I'll be all smiles and care

I'll be the best thing in the world, I'll always be there

Ooh rhyming is always fun! I think that being mixed in with the more serious topic at play here, it helps even everything out slightly. I view rhyming as an up-beat kind of thing, but it's actually a really interesting way to show emotions, I think.

I'm also slightly confused about describing a person as "the best thing in the world" because the usage of thing referring to a person can be seen as dehumanizing.

The third time you'll know me, I'll let you in my mind

But never in my heart

For it is a dark place.

I've usually seen this description the other way around with the mind being a dark place and the heart being welcoming; it's good to see another side of that kind of language in my opinion though, because some images get old quicker than others.

And for that I am sorry.

Sorry, sorry

For bearing a weight you just couldn't carry

I typically don't like repetition of words because I like change in poetry, but I think that the somberness of the word "sorry" works for the atmosphere here. The narrator deeply regrets something and it shows through their words here, which is another element I tend to like in poetry because it mirrors my own style at times.

I am curious who the narrator is talking about to - if it's someone they're related to, someone they're in love with, or just someone they know by chance, and all of those can result in widely different emotions during and afterwards.

And so, incessantly, I'll repeat I am sorry

For it never needed to end by one of us taking the jump.

Great ending! I think it wraps the poem up nicely.

Cheers!