TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of suicide and heartbreak, if any of these trigger you, I'd suggest you click off this poem :)
10 reasons why
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The first time you'll see me, I'll be all smiles and care
I'll be the best thing in the world, I'll always be there
The second time you'll meet me, I'll defend my opinions with a full heart
My wit will be my weapon and I'll parry with my thoughts.
The third time you'll know me, I'll let you in my mind
But never in my heart
For it is a dark place.
The fourth time you chanced upon me, I had this weariness in my heart
Like something had just died in me, like I wasn't good enough;
And the fifth time you knew me, I spilled the shards of my broken heart
Like you were to blame, like you could help me get through
And the sixth time you knew me, you figured I just wasn't for you
That you didn't want to care about what I had gone through
That you were in for some fun- I'm sorry I couldn't give that to you
And the seventh time I stumbled upon you, you had wormed your way in my heart
Before scattering right out, leaving your holes and scars behind in me
And you accused me for hiding my true self, hiding the ugliness somewhere you couldn't see
And for that I am sorry.
Sorry, sorry
For bearing a weight you just couldn't carry
And the eighth time you knew me, the broken pieces became sharp by the pain
And I shredded your heart with my words, just too afraid the pain would remain
And the ninth time you'll see me, you'll come at me full or reproach
Full of hatred in your eyes, and yet I can see the shame in your eyes approach
And the tenth time you'll see me, you'll barely look up
Without knowing that was the last time you'll ever see me
And so, incessantly, I'll repeat I am sorry
For it never needed to end by one of us taking the jump.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hiya Ashlyn here for a review!! Before I dive into it though please know that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad.
Just one quick thing: Are you sure your DID just didn't go into remission? I don't have DID (and or DDNOS) myself, but I do have what's called ASD so I know that psychological disorders don't disappear overnight, even with drugs/and or therapy, and this is just a thought, but wouldn't claiming that 'I had a disorder and it went away practically overnight' be spreading harmful misconceptions? ^^
Your experiences and feelings are still valid, I just thought I'd mention it because I some people might be hurt by that falsehood <33
You really struck a chord with me there, and got me thinking about modern day society. People these days are quick to defend and parry with angry beliefs but never let anyone in to their heart, or mind.
Everything is a battle when it comes to opinions now days.
My rabbit-holing aside, I can really see the brokenness your trying to convey and the differences between your personalities and overall I think you did a good job here <33
Maybe there's a better word you could use besides 'spilled'? The word spilled a bit...dull? Anti-climatic? It feels like you could have used a stronger word
Ahhh yess, the words of agony. Love that line <333
Hmmmm...so whose the narrator talking to? It feels like she's speaking to a lover, or close friend. It could be a causal acquaintance I guess, but then, if the narrator is feeling this much hurt then it has to be someone close to her. It's usually the people we love and trust the most that bring out the strongest pain in us.
I have a soft spot for poems that end on an unhappy note <3333
That concludes this review. I hope you found it helpful <33
-Ashlyn
Hi there
Yes I actually had DID, had. It took a few years to get somewhat rid of it, and this was written at the beginning of the year during one of my crisis's. I just corrected it, added a few things and polished it before publishing it.
I'm not sure where you got the idea that it "disappeared overnight", but it's really not what happened
ahhhh thank you so much, you are too kind <33333
Your welcome <3333
As for where I got the 'disappeared overnight' thing from...ehhh maybe it was the way you described it in your explanation. My brain does tend to do things like that to me.
Hello there!
First things first, I am a part of a diagnosed traumagenic programmed DDNOS system, so I recognize the issues that come along with that. If you ever want to discuss some things about mental health, just send me a PM! <3
Ooh rhyming is always fun! I think that being mixed in with the more serious topic at play here, it helps even everything out slightly. I view rhyming as an up-beat kind of thing, but it's actually a really interesting way to show emotions, I think.
I'm also slightly confused about describing a person as "the best thing in the world" because the usage of thing referring to a person can be seen as dehumanizing.
I've usually seen this description the other way around with the mind being a dark place and the heart being welcoming; it's good to see another side of that kind of language in my opinion though, because some images get old quicker than others.
I typically don't like repetition of words because I like change in poetry, but I think that the somberness of the word "sorry" works for the atmosphere here. The narrator deeply regrets something and it shows through their words here, which is another element I tend to like in poetry because it mirrors my own style at times.
I am curious who the narrator is talking about to - if it's someone they're related to, someone they're in love with, or just someone they know by chance, and all of those can result in widely different emotions during and afterwards.
Great ending! I think it wraps the poem up nicely.
Cheers!
hi there
I'm so sorry you have to go through something similar, if you ever wanna talk about it I'm here too ^^
For "the best thing in the world", it is meant to be dehumanising. It's as if she was trying to be something that'll simply please him, not be herself.
the narrator actually switches a lot, since I tried giving the context about each personality. But basically, it's always someone that I thought was my friend, but when I started opening up about my feelings, they felt uncomfortable and inevitably left.
Thank you so much for this kind review, I'll definitely take in account certain points you talked about ^^
that's so sad.. I hope you're feeling better now