Give me love, give me protection- you asked
You made me love you so your ennemies, in the dark I cast
I have loved you in all ways and with all my heart
But inside your holographic ways, I'm falling apart
I'd soar through skies, and kill others connected,
Though that never haunted me or made me prone to the weak hearted
I saw you falter a year or two, but I kept faith
And once you reappeared, I opened back up my gate
I thought I was yours, and you were mine
Soulmates forever, for me- that was quite fine
Then on some faceless day and nameless afternoon
I wanted you closer, but you said: "Moon-
Who are you ? How come you're my friend ?
I don't know you from this game."
They were simple words, but they stuck me the same
Our holographic love, twisted the way in which I grew
I was nothing to you, though I loved you and your fake name.
You broke my heart and cast fire into ashes
Yet I still love you, with all the pieces.
*a few years later, nothing has changed*
My pain is something you no longer host
Me, you, we were everything, we are ghosts
You
Can't see me
I
disappear
I was foolish to think we could love each other in our smears
You- fade away
When I
dissolve
A sway- of nightmares
In a heart
of gold
I was
wrong
From the very beginning
but still
is shattered
the fragile pieces of my being.
I
collapse
But never could I in your arms
Your face
is clogged
In blacks and greys of empty
flaws
My mind
still loves you
But my heart
has moved on
By that I mean I'm heartless
now that
you're gone
I hope
you're happy
I hope
you're loved
Maybe I was too big a thing for you to love
I hope you're happy
Now that
I'm gone
I'm terribly sorry
You had to suffer
My love.
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
The saddest thing about this is that it has happened, is happening, or will happen to everyone eventually. It’s a heartbreak. But worst. Since you never get to say goodbye.
Liked
I really like how you explored beautifully the effects of heartbreak and how even though time moves on we still fear that pain at least in some way. Your switch to the short stanzas is really interesting, it made the poem easier to read and it flowed better. My only criticism is perhaps some of the lines in the beginning of the poem feel a bit too wordy.
'You made me love you so your ennemies, in the dark I cast
I have loved you in all ways and with all my heart'
Other than that though I really enjoyed the poem and I think it is very emotional and feels very personal.
I loved the way you changed the format of the poem at the end in a way that was totally, refreshingly unexpected- but totally appropriate for the poem. I do wish this poem had included more details as to how, exactly, you fell in with this person, and cautionary advice for how to avoid a similar situation, as I have gone through something very similar, as have many others, and not to use your platform to help others seems like something of a wasted opportunity. But maybe you simply have no answers yet, and that's okay, too. You have shared something of your experience in such a way that I feel as though you were sharing MY common experience, and I feel the shadow over my heart has lightened somewhat. Thank you so much.
Hey there, thanks for the review
Even though this has happened to me years ago, I barely even remember what we talked about or even did together- It%u2019s still something that really wears on me. I would%u2019ve written how to avoid this, but really, there%u2019s no true way to avoid this. It%u2019s the internet. Things happen. People come and go. I%u2019m sorry you had to go through the same thing as me, it%u2019s nice to know I%u2019m not the only one who went through this ^^
This is a great poem, it felt like it came from within you and it was real. This is very relatable to the world today and MANY people have probably had an experience similar to this. The vocab is used in a way that you haven't used very complex words but you used them in a way that makes them flow and bring out emotion. The ending seems to use a lot of lines but they are quite good at making the reader pause and think about each word and really feel them. But who am I to say? I am still quite the beginner writer and not much of a poet at all! So all I know is how it made me feel, which was good.
Keep it up!
Oh wow, what a nice poem. It was very emotional (you could also take it in other ways besides online friends but anyways.) It was very well written and I liked how it captured a lot of emotion, props to you on that. This can also be very relatable to some people which adds even more emotion so congrats! (Especially in this modern era). One small thing you seem to put a lot of new lines, and sometimes it doesn't seem necessary. This might be your writing style so if it is I won't judge, but just wanted to say that you don't need to put a ton of new lines. Anyways great work!!!
Thanks
I guess I did put a lot of lines at the end, the last poem at least. Thing is, I wrote that right after she told me this. So really those were the words of my soul, maybe I should%u2019ve polished them a bit. But leaving the words untouched is more impactful since it%u2019s sincere and raw emotion and nothing more
No that's not what I meant lol. It's not the amount of lines, that part's fine, I meant like the new
lines like this. When you press ENTER
ohh yes
It's part of the style ^^
Oh OK, well than that's very unique and cool!!!