Young Writers Society

Hullo there from Dixie! This is VP with a review!

Oh. My. Lord.

That was amazing, in my not-so-humble opinion. Maybe I'm finally cracking, like most writers do at some point or another, but I could've sworn I heard hooves tapping against a floor halfway through. There are few poems that allow me to see an image so clear, so refined... and yet, a blur all the while.

I do believe that this Narrator could have been someone younger, maybe reckless, reckless enough that it cost her the life she had. This girl, I think, is dead, and her death has allowed her to be "entranced with the winners".

You're style of poetic writing is unique. Rereading it a... third time, I think... I am comparing what I believe Heaven and Hell to be-- I'm seeing pretty, elegant words where simpler ones could be used just as greater, more powerful people normally do not have the humility and humbleness required to be godly. It has a certain... je ne sais quoi, really.

I hope to have the chance to read and review more of your work soon!

-VP

hey there silverquill! i hope you’re having a wonderful day. i’m harper, and i’m here to review your poetry. to start off the title. it’s quite eye catching! that’s definitely a good element to have, making your readers already attracted to the work. i loved this poem very much, and it had a great flow. your rhymes sounded great, and flowed nicely without sounding too, hmmm, how do i put this, elementary? yeah i think that’s the word. anyways, as for some of the lines, the only thing i find a bit out of place was the “disco in hell” part, as the other reviewers here said. besides that, i think you made hell sound very glamorous!

i don’t know if this was on purpose, but for me it made it seem like satan represents someone who hurt you maybe? i don’t know haha. anyways, i hope you enjoyed reading this! oh, one more thing, i like the formatting! but have a wonderful week, and keep writing!

with all my well wishes, harper

Hi silverquill!

This is a really cool poem you have, I love its flow and development! Just a few suggestions I might make.

I really dig your rhyme scheme. However, it seems as if you're trying to follow a set rhythm that you don't quite follow through with. Most of the stanzas look very similar to 8-8-10-8, but they all vary from it. I think it might enhance your flow if you could make it all even? I know that can sometimes mess with the way you have your words laid out, and you don't want to change the meaning of the lines, but I think it's worth playing with to see if you can get even syllables in a set format.

Invited to disco in hell.

I pranced with the sinners, entranced with the winners.

I pitied the girls come before.

No matter what my demons said.

The music died down to a thrum.

But I’ll never forget our little musette.

Some days I can still hear the hum.

Hey,
This is one awesome piece. Not to mention but if "Invited to disco in hell." was "Invited to duet in hell". It would have kept the spirit of the devilry alive throughout.
Thanks.

Ok for the poem, it was so great for me! yet it's dark but lovely well, nothing beats love I guess even you fell for an angel or devil. great piece!!! continue doing that!

Oh my goodness! @silverquill12 You really fell for the devil. Didn't you?
Well a nice piece of work. A unique theme, exclusive characters and a beautiful presentation! All that I have to say about this work is *wonderful*!
Don't you think so?
What actually compelled me to read this poem was its title
'A dance with the devil' .
And then the idea of 'disco in the hell' was something quite new for me. But it sounded quite interesting. The way you've presented the idea of Satan being good is something very different.
It is completely different from the spiritual content we read daily .
Altogether a really good thing. Well done and keep writing!

Best wishes
Mahira