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What Am I?

by Plume


I am

what the kids call

a chaotic mess.

     

Racing around

trying to find some semblance

of steadiness within my being.

     

I am

what the Puritans call

a witch.

      

I call my cat a name,

put too much trust in false gods, 

and fraternize with dark figures.

    

I am

what the internet calls

a fangirl.

      

I spend too much time

and glean too much happiness

stalking relationships that are neither real, nor my own.

       

I am

what my friends call

a good child.

       

I have never broken

a vase or a law,

and I would never dream of talking back to an adult.

      

I am 

what I call

me.

     

I enjoy the finer things in life,

I am always ready to listen,

and I absolutely detest labels.

     


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Thu Jul 02, 2020 6:24 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...



Hey there!
I love the topic of this poem. It's very consistent and flows nicely. I like the way you elaborated on the first line of each stanza. I particularly liked this stanza

I call my cat a name,

put too much trust in false gods,

and fraternize with dark figures.


and the line "stalking relationships that are neither real, nor my own." It's interesting how you referred to those relationships as not being real. I only have a few things to point out; these are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen to them if you don't want to!

Each stanza sets the subject for the following stanza. You put a period at the end of each stanza, but I would personally put a semicolon or a dash on the first, third, fifth, seventh, and ninth stanza, since the stanza following each of those is a continuation of it. For example, this is how I'd punctuate the first two stanzas:

I am

what the kids call

a chaotic mess; (or you can put a dash)



Racing around

trying to find some semblance

of steadiness within my being.


This makes more sense to me, but of course, this is just a suggestion!

This line sounds a bit awkward to me

I call my cat a name,


Perhaps you can say "I call my cat by his/her name" or "I give my cat a name" or something along those lines. Right now, it reads a bit weirdly to me.

I am

what I call

me.


I like this stanza! It's simple but gets the point across and closes the poem nicely.

Overall, I really liked this poem! It was an enjoyable and simple read, and I hope this. helped! :)




Plume says...


Thank you for your review!



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Sat Jun 27, 2020 9:22 am
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hashes wrote a review...



Hello! This is my first review on YWS. I hope you find something helpful in here.

This is a poem that explores the topic of identity. I really like the way the poem is written; as I read it, it flows very easily and naturally off my tongue. 'Identity' can be a highly complex and philosophical topic - so the fact that you have written your poem so simplistically strikes me as particularly unique and interesting.

I get the impression that through your poem, you try to describe as genuinely and accurately as possible, how you might be viewed in other people's eyes and that you are ultimately trying to convey the message that those perceptions are both right and wrong at the same time. Right because all perceptions are true within their confines and under their own lights. Wrong because no single perception can completely define someone. Reminds me of a quote by someone (Alan Watts?) where he draws an analogy between the peels of an onion and the different layers of self.

At least that's my interpretation. I feel that your poem can have several plausible interpretations, especially because it is an accessible poem that deals with a complex topic (which is a good thing!). In one line - it is a poem that makes you ponder.

I have no real negatives to point out. Maybe you could add a few more stanzas as right now, it is a poem that can be read rather quickly. But this is entirely up to you and refrain from doing so unless you really have something substantial to add. It is a jolly fine poem as it is.

Ashwin




Plume says...


Hi and welcome! Thank you for your feedback. And when you mentioned the comparison between onions and self, my mind immediately went to Shrek :D. Your interpretation was very well done, so thank you.



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Sat Jun 27, 2020 12:41 am
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Cow wrote a review...



Hello, hello! I am here to review.

So, I get this, much of this anyways. I can't stand labels either, unless they help me to process something about myself or another person but otherwise they are just a bother, a way to beat another person down about something they like or have.

I like the stanza, how each is its own thing. They describe well and are simplistic in nature. It's a nice, short read and is easy to understand, much of it relatable to me and hopefully others that have read it!

Otherwise, to be honest, I don't have much to say! Good work.

- Cow




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Thu Jun 25, 2020 5:44 pm
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mythh wrote a review...



Hey Quill, I'm Myth and I'll be dropping a small review for you.

"I" is something that's always there. It just exists. The very idea of "self" is just too deep a root to understand. Which is why I chose to review this poem. From everything I read, I saw simplicity. I saw a simple view. I saw eyes looking straight, and not sideways. I saw a point.

It's very difficult to find something that's right in front of you, all the time. You've managed to do that through this. It's simple and impressive. I liked that. I don't have much to say. I just want to say that this is pretty impactful.

Keep writing.

Yours sincerely,
Myth




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Thu Jun 25, 2020 4:08 pm
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Cici wrote a review...



Hi, silverquill!

What an impactful poem! I absolutely loved reading this because I deeply identified with it in some way (fellow mess and fangirl). Conversely, I liked reading it because it was also purely personal to you (?), I'm assuming. So the thing is, I'm not well informed with poetry and probably not very trustworthy with anything that I say regarding it. Just take whatever you want from this review with the knowledge that I don't really know what I'm doing.

I am

what the kids call

a chaotic mess.


So, I have mixed feelings about the format. I really do like it; it gets your point across. Although, maybe consider reformatting it. I tried rearranging it in my head to this:

I am what the kids call
a chaotic mess.


But honestly, this is your poem so you don't have to change it, and I do like it your way where it's steady and consistent. It was only a suggestion because it felt a bit choppy at times.

I have never broken

a vase or a law,

and I would never dream of talking back to an adult.


Consider omitting the "and." Although, it's perfectly fine with it. Some part of me feels like the last line of this stanza is too long (?). I tried rearranging it like this:

I have never broken

a vase or a law,

and I would never dream

of talking back to an adult.


Besides those suggestions, I don't really have anything else to say about this poem except that I loved the different perspectives and examples. I just really appreciate how it is so individual and personal.

Final notes: Don't change anything if you don't want to, but if you haven't, you can always try rearranging the lines. Another comment, you can consider adding more perspectives if any come up. Maybe try like objects. For example, a pillow or a bag. Anyways, I don't know what I'm doing but I loved the honesty of the poem. It was just so real and I don't want anything that I suggested to take away from that.

Have a great day/night! I really enjoyed reading this because it captured so many aspects.

Cici





“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451