She first starved herself when she was ten.
Told herself it was an experiment,
Said it was just to test her strength.
How long could she ignore that
Grumbly
Tumbly
Feeling
In her stomach?
She convinced herself that it had nothing to do
With the things they called her at school.
Thick-thighs Theodora,
Big-belly Bertha, and
Fat-and-ugly Fannie.
She made it through the first hour without breakfast.
No scrambled eggs,
No cereal.
No fresh-baked croissants from the corner bakery
Her mother had picked up
Just
For
Her.
Lunch was a bit harder.
Her stomach protested, with its
Whines
And
Rumbles
Like an earthquake,
But she didn't eat a single bite.
Dinner was the worst.
She said she wasn't hungry
Lying through her teeth.
Said she had a big lunch
That Mrs. Aaronson had given her a brownie after school.
They seemed to believe her.
She checked herself in the mirror that night.
Pinched, and
Prodded, and
Poked.
She hadn't gotten out the measuring tape yet, but
She was tempted.
As she clambered into bed,
Wearing PJs that fit her just right
Her round cheeks flushed with the onset of sleep,
She told herself it was a test.
Said she just needed practice
And it would just get easier,
And easier
And easier.
And maybe
One day
The PJs would be loose.
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138,375 Literary Works • 672,110 Reviews
Hi there Plume! I see this poem has been in the green room for a while, so I'm here to nudge it out :)
First I want to look at the opening line, as already in these eight words you've established a lot of expectations for this poem - of the subject, of the tone, of the "main character", and of the stylistic choices. I want to go over those quickly so that you can understand everything else I say about this poem as being based on those assumptions.
So here's what I got from that line:
Subject -> body image and restrictive eating
Tone -> it's about a ten-year-old, so I'm expecting a fairly young tone
Main character -> a girl who was ten (and is probably now older; perhaps this poem is a reflection of the narrator)
Stylistic choices -> You capitalize the first letter of the sentence and end it with a period, which means you're probably going to be using conventional grammar rules throughout the rest of the poem.
Alright, with that out of the way, let's continue on to some general impressions, comments, and suggestions!
Like @FireEyes said, you do a really good of depicting restrictive eating. In the second stanza you illustrate how someone will likely try to convince themself it isn't because of what people are saying, it's just something they want to do for themself. I think it's especially impactful how you show her checking her stomach after just one day of not eating. She wants so badly to see instant "improvement" to justify her actions. One thing you could consider adding, subject-wise, would be the effects that not eating has throughout the day (besides just being hungry) - for example, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, and all that not-so-fun stuff that comes from low blood sugar. I think it'd be good to show that restrictive eating isn't just bad because it makes you hungry, it also has a lot of other adverse effects.
For tone, I think you do a fantastic job of portraying a younger girl. Especially when you use phrases like:
&
&
That sort of wording helps to convey a certain feeling of innocence or naivety, which (in my opinion) makes the poem 1) more unique and 2) more impactful than if it were written from an older, more cynical viewpoint.
For stylistic choices, I appreciate that you're really consistent with capitalization and punctuation - that always makes a poem feel more polished! However, I'd like to suggest you try experimenting with these things a bit to see how they change the effect of the poem. This article on punctuation in poetry and this article on capitalization in poetry go into a lot of detail and I definitely recommend checking them out! But as a rule of thumb, no capitalization/punctuation seems more intimate, familiar, and informal, while capitalization+punctuation comes across as more formal and "stiff". (Also, good to note - you can choose to use no capitalization with punctuation, or capitalize every line without punctuation, or any combination, really!) If you like the poem how it currently is (capitalization + punctuation), that's totally up to you - but it never hurts to play around!
And finally, I'd personally like it if there was more figurative language and imagery in this poem. As far as I can tell, there's only one instance of "non-literal" language in this poem, a simile:
And one (quite pretty, if I may say so) noticeable instance of imagery:
The rest of the time, this poem is written in fairly matter-of-fact language. That is a stylistic choice you get to make as the poet, but I do think adding a bit more imagery would strengthen the poem even further.
All in all, this is a well-written and heartwrenching poem. I hope this review proves useful to you, and if you have any questions about it, feel free to ask!
Keep writing <3
whatcha
Thank you so much for your thoughts! I really appreciate this review. You've brought up so many good points.
Wow, just wow. You described the motions of an eating disorder almost perfectly. Convincing yourself its what you want is the biggest trap. It shows just how much a person's hurtful words can affect someone. It gets hard to see what's rational and what's not. And lying about being fine is the worst. You just had to ignore it to make yourself "happy". It is a whole cycle of pain, happiness, questioning it, and continuing. The temptation of food became something of a helping hand but it looked like an evil temptation. Sometimes a person doesn't realize it's happening until they really look at themselves in the mirror. It happens slowly so its hard to pick up on. Inside and outside the person starving. Mirror checking would be the highlight of the day. You see your "progress" away from everyone else. You feel good about having nothing in your stomach. But you still suck it in. Sucking in became second nature and letting it out makes you feel fat. And everything came down to numbers. Wake up on zero calories and make sure it stays at zero. And clothing was an enemy. Needing to wear loose clothing was a necessity to hide from others. And just hoping that things would go your way becomes a false sense of security. But the worst part of it all, is that it gets easier the more you do it. you tell yourself, "I can stop when I want," But you can't. You tell yourself you want out one day, but it has become a routine you cannot stop. You are scared to let go. But then your fears become a matter of life or death. Beautiful poem. I have nothing else to say but thank you for your work of art.
I'm so glad you were able to take so much from it. Thank you so much for this heartfelt review.
I love it ;-; it's so good
thank youuuu!!