Young Writers Society

Hello Plume,

Mailice here with a short review!

In my long search for a horror/ mystery poem, I came across yours here. The name gave me some interesting theories ready before I read it, which all vanished into thin air when I read the poem

My first impression is very positive.I like how the whole poem feels like a song you would sing in the playground when you are playing skipping rope. I think that thought gives me that creepy vibe with the writing.

I like your repetition and how it changes from stanza to stanza, so slowly enlightenment comes. Like the mirror that gets fogged up after a hot shower and only becomes visible again after a while, your poem develops into a gruesome find as you wait to find out what's hiding behind it.
I like the way you build up the poem, and you put a little focus on the "her", which gives a certain depth when you read it.

There is blood
On her mirror.
It does not know how it got there.
And neither does she.

She sees her own face
tinted a sanguine scarlet.

Sticky.
She sees the flickering light;
A bloody disco
on the left.

Oh.

This has thoroughly terrified me. The repetition, the cold demeanor, the descriptions woah (shivers) really got me scared.

It's also clear that the character, despite noticing blood and everything, sounds oddly uninterested, detached from her reality. Even during the moment she realizes, all she says is an "oh" before continuing the same, haunting words.

And the way she sees the world, the things she notices: the flickering left light, she repetitively says at first before thinking of it as a bloody disco, then the way she describes the blood on her face...it's like I'm looking through her mind and her mind is NOT IN A HEALTHY STATE. And you really showed that perfectly in this.

Thanks for sharing and for scaring and keep growing <3

Hi there Plume! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I'll start by trying to analyze this, then talk about what I think works and what could be improved. We start with a pretty strong denial-there is blood, but it's not hers, so where did it come from? Then we morph into an examination of the scene, and finally an epiphany-she looks at her forearms and can no longer deny that it is her blood. The end seems weirdly satisfied with this conclusion, but it leaves a lot of things unsaid-why is she bleeding so profusely? Did she do this to herself, or did someone/something else do this (this is where I thought you were going by the spooky season description)? Or am I off base, and this is someone else's blood-is she a killer?

Perhaps some mystery is warranted, but maybe there's a way to use the narrative structure to paint a little more of the picture. Maybe you can go back to "There was blood..." to show what happened before this bloody self-examination in a bathroom.

The repetition in the first few stanzas works at first, but it feels a little overdone by the fourth stanza. I might cut it, because I don't feel like it adds anything. I would also tweak the first stanza to read "the mirror/the bathroom", so then there's a more interesting transition to "her mirror/her bathroom" .

I also like the imagery of the light becoming a bloody disco. There's also some nice alliteration and sensory description in "tinted a sanguine scarlet. Sticky."

One thing I think is odd, but in a good way, is how detached the speaker is about the blood. It's there, but it's just something to observe, the way I might skin my knee and go "oh yeah, it's bleeding, it's fine", but like with much larger quantities of blood. So there's a strong voice of detachment and apathy, which says something about the character's mental state and why she's struggling to cope with the reality of the blood.

Overall, I like the concept of this, but I would like for there to be a little more narrative. Keep writing!

Gripping work !!

Hello, bright here for a quick review!
Feel free to ignore as much or as little of this as you like.

First off, I really like this poem. It is very spooky and sufficiently scared me. I especially like the interesting structure you’ve gone for - with repetition and parenthesis.

There is blood
on her mirror
in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.

There is blood.
(not her blood)
but it is on her mirror
and in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.

There is blood
On her mirror.
It does not know how it got there.
And neither does she.

There is blood
but she knows that already.
She can see herself in it
(despite it not being hers)

She sees her own face
tinted a sanguine scarlet.
Sticky.

She sees the flickering light;
A bloody disco
on the left.

She sees her dripping forearms--
Oh.

There is blood
on the mirror
but also on her.
The blood
(on her mirror
in her bathroom)
is no longer a mystery.

Spooky! Nice job!