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The Mirror

by Plume


There is blood
on her mirror
in her bathroom 
where the left light always flickers.

There is blood.
(not her blood)
but it is on her mirror
and in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.

There is blood
On her mirror.
It does not know how it got there.
And neither does she.

There is blood
but she knows that already.
She can see herself in it
(despite it not being hers)

She sees her own face
tinted a sanguine scarlet.
Sticky.

She sees the flickering light;
A bloody disco
on the left.

She sees her dripping forearms--

Oh.

There is blood
on the mirror
but also on her.

The blood
(on her mirror
in her bathroom)
is no longer a mystery.


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Mon Oct 19, 2020 7:10 am
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Euphoria8 wrote a review...



This has thoroughly terrified me. The repetition, the cold demeanor, the descriptions woah (shivers) really got me scared.

It's also clear that the character, despite noticing blood and everything, sounds oddly uninterested, detached from her reality. Even during the moment she realizes, all she says is an "oh" before continuing the same, haunting words.

And the way she sees the world, the things she notices: the flickering left light, she repetitively says at first before thinking of it as a bloody disco, then the way she describes the blood on her face...it's like I'm looking through her mind and her mind is NOT IN A HEALTHY STATE. And you really showed that perfectly in this.

Thanks for sharing and for scaring and keep growing <3




Plume says...


Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed!



Euphoria8 says...


You're welcome <3



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Sun Oct 18, 2020 4:37 am
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niteowl wrote a review...



Hi there Plume! Niteowl here to leave a quick review.

I'll start by trying to analyze this, then talk about what I think works and what could be improved. We start with a pretty strong denial-there is blood, but it's not hers, so where did it come from? Then we morph into an examination of the scene, and finally an epiphany-she looks at her forearms and can no longer deny that it is her blood. The end seems weirdly satisfied with this conclusion, but it leaves a lot of things unsaid-why is she bleeding so profusely? Did she do this to herself, or did someone/something else do this (this is where I thought you were going by the spooky season description)? Or am I off base, and this is someone else's blood-is she a killer?

Perhaps some mystery is warranted, but maybe there's a way to use the narrative structure to paint a little more of the picture. Maybe you can go back to "There was blood..." to show what happened before this bloody self-examination in a bathroom.

The repetition in the first few stanzas works at first, but it feels a little overdone by the fourth stanza. I might cut it, because I don't feel like it adds anything. I would also tweak the first stanza to read "the mirror/the bathroom", so then there's a more interesting transition to "her mirror/her bathroom" .

I also like the imagery of the light becoming a bloody disco. There's also some nice alliteration and sensory description in "tinted a sanguine scarlet. Sticky."

One thing I think is odd, but in a good way, is how detached the speaker is about the blood. It's there, but it's just something to observe, the way I might skin my knee and go "oh yeah, it's bleeding, it's fine", but like with much larger quantities of blood. So there's a strong voice of detachment and apathy, which says something about the character's mental state and why she's struggling to cope with the reality of the blood.

Overall, I like the concept of this, but I would like for there to be a little more narrative. Keep writing! :D




Plume says...


Thank you!!



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Sat Oct 17, 2020 8:14 am
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RaziaR says...



Gripping work !!




Plume says...


Glad you enjoyed!



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Fri Oct 16, 2020 10:50 pm
writingbright wrote a review...



Hello, bright here for a quick review!
Feel free to ignore as much or as little of this as you like. :)

First off, I really like this poem. It is very spooky and sufficiently scared me. I especially like the interesting structure you’ve gone for - with repetition and parenthesis.

There is blood
on her mirror
in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.

A spooky start for a spooky poem. Brings me right into the action - I immediately know what is going on and am immediately frightened. It also has an interesting structure with each line giving a new piece of information. This also makes it easier to read.

There is blood.
(not her blood)
but it is on her mirror
and in her bathroom
where the left light always flickers.

I love the way you’ve repeated the first stanza again but added a new - incredibly uncanny - piece of information. Also, the emphasis on the two hers really creates a sense of confusion (why would there be blood that isn’t hers on her mirror).

There is blood
On her mirror.
It does not know how it got there.
And neither does she.

Personifying the blood - interesting, but vaguely confusing as the technique is not used again throughout the entirety of the poem: perhaps this would be more effective if you were to repeatedly personify the blood on the mirror?
However, I really like the change in structure here. Shows how her thoughts are beginning to break down as she can no longer form complete sentences, only fragments.

There is blood
but she knows that already.
She can see herself in it
(despite it not being hers)

Third repeat - but this time she is aware of the repetition in her mind, and it is also beginning to function as a mirror, as she can now see herself in it. We’re still all very confused at this point, and it is still sufficiently spooky.

She sees her own face
tinted a sanguine scarlet.
Sticky.

I love the alliteration you’ve used here - such a vivid description, too! The sensory language with ‘sticky’ is great, though that could have been expanded on more. We are now beginning to see what’s going on here.

She sees the flickering light;
A bloody disco
on the left.

This metaphor is excellent. Drawing in features from the creepy repetition earlier and then comparing it to a ‘bloody disco’. Brilliant, especially in that it is obviously bloody there but why the heck would she be describing it as a disco? This confusion considering the metaphor creates a whole new level of creepiness, so great job on that!

She sees her dripping forearms--
Oh.

The structure here is great. The moment of realisation for our character is one of enormity, and I feel that is captured really well here. It’s almost like she’s going to go on to another stanza, and then- realisation.

There is blood
on the mirror
but also on her.
The blood
(on her mirror
in her bathroom)
is no longer a mystery.

Continued moment of realisation, and then a brilliant ending, because it is still a mystery to the reader, and yet our character is claiming there is no mystery left! It leaves the reader feeling on edge and sincerely spooked, which I suppose was the aim with this poem!

So yeah, I generally really liked the spookiness of this, but there are a few things that could be clarified and expanded upon more.
I hope this was helpful, and I’m looking forward to reading/reviewing more of your work in the future!




Plume says...


Yeah, the confusion also kinda confused me, as the writer, which is probably a red flag. There was originally more stanzas at the end, but they kinda broke the poem's structure a bit, so I decided I didn't like them. I understand if that kinda hindered the comprehension. I'm glad you were still able to enjoy it's spookiness, though, in spite of the confusion!



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Fri Oct 16, 2020 9:44 pm
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LordMomo says...



Spooky! Nice job!




Plume says...


Thank you!!




We're all stories in the end.
— 11th Doctor