Young Writers Society

Hey silverquill12!

Happy RevMo! I hope you don't mind if I drop in today for a review!

I'm not well-versed with reviewing poetry, so please take my advice with a grain of salt!

People say I am lost

And I laugh and say

"I am not. You just haven't found me."

The flow of this sounds better to me if the "and" is removed? More of a personal critique, but as I read it out loud, it seems more interrupted without the "and".

Also? If I may suggest adding some sort of allusion to being lost/easily confused as to being lost, and that probably doesn't make sense but for example, if you described the author as saying something like "I laugh towards my wayward path and say", then it gives a little more imagery as well as giving a reason as to why the "people" may say they are lost (and I gave that more as an example than a suggestion, but I think it would strengthen the poetry here if you gave a quick reason as to why people tell the author they are "lost". Plus, if you do something that shows why people may think they're lost, it might add a playful tone to this bit? Like, if the author is aimless skipping along a path they don't know the end to, or something like that, it's a little more light-hearted, since this is in the humour section).

People say I am different.

I frown and say

"I am not. You are just similar."

I notice you put a period after "different", which you didn't do after "lost" (also for "mean" as I peek ahead), so I'm wondering if you meant to put one after "lost" or there was just a minor inconsistency. I don't have much of an opinion either way, I think it is more staggered/halted with the period as opposed to the first section, which was more open/freed without the punctuation.

Also, I think I understand what you're getting at here, but everyone is technically different. I think you're trying to suggest that people believe the author is weird/different in a bad way. Maybe something like "People say I am strange / I frown and say / "I am not. You are just plain." ? This line seems a little more accusatory, but I'm really not sure how to make it work either. I know it's not very helpful to just say "this part bugs me, but I'm not exactly sure why", but it's better than not saying anything at all. It could be because being weird/different is a positive thing to me, and though I'm not saying it's being looked at in a negative light (just taken negatively by the other people referenced), it could be just that?

I will leave you with that, because I'm not sure what else to say there, but hopefully it made sense

(also suggest, as I did with the first one, that you add something to allude to why people say the author is "different", and same with the next one)

People say I am mean.

I smirk and say

"I am not. You just can't take a joke."

I think one of the things about the two middle sections that sort of puts me off is that the first one had a stronger sense of wanderlust/being content with the author's place in the world, whereas these two feel... more straightforward? If that makes sense. There isn't as much feeling in these two parts, in my opinion, though this one I've just quoted certainly feels more headstrong/defensive.

I think instead of "mean" I might use a stronger synonym that fits the "you can't take a joke" theme, since I usually see being mean as an intentional, angry behaviour? This seems to me to fit more in with "abrasive" or "insensitive", since "not taking a joke" might mean the author is making an insensitive joke or one that is abrasive to someone else. If you were to change the idea of being mean/rude/abrasive/etc because of bad joke, I would suggest something else? But as it stands, that's my thoughts on the wording of the poem right now.

People say that I shouldn't pin all my problems on others.



...they have a point there.

I want to say this feels like an abrupt end to the poem, but you did categorise this as humour, so I really can't because the humour comes with how abruptly it ends (so, basically it's a good thing and I've said this in a very roundabout way lol). I might suggest no having so much of a space between the two lines, because I think the immediate ...yeah, sure, okay, maybe people have a point is funnier than a spaced pause and then an ellipsis pause (plus two pauses right after each other?).

And since this a humorous poem, I might also suggest adding in "...yeah, they have a point there." because, again, light-hearted. It's agreeing with the people they've been saying were wrong in a breezy, fun sort of way, and making a reflection of the poem more like "huh... yeah, ok, I see your point!"


Overall, a well-written poem! I hope that there are bits in my review that are helpful to you If you have any questions/comments about anything I said, please do let me know!

I hope you have a fantastic day!