i.
I can hear the birds.
I never noticed how they chirp.
They are much softer than the ones on Twitter.
ii.
The night sky is my best friend.
She likes the quiet.
I myself am not so sure.
iii.
I do not like
Standing idly by
And watching people hurl hate.
iv.
Silence is deafening.
I now truly know
What this means.
v.
My tongue is tied
But longs to be freed.
I want to shout with the voices preaching against wrong.
vi.
I want to speak for justice
But I am silenced,
Not that it was any different before.
vii.
There's nothing like
A vow of silence
To show how you were never heard in the first place.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,777 Reviews
Well done @silverquill12 !
This is Mahira. I am here for reviewing your poem.
It's a great piece of work. Something that is quite relatable at this point of time.
My favorite lines from the poem are
"I can hear the birds.
I never noticed how they chirp.
They are much softer than the ones on Twitter."
The way these lines reflect the rude tone of humans even while operating social media sites is quite true.
Secondly, their comparison with the soft chirp of birds is beautiful.
Altogether it's a lovely poem . So well done. Best of luck for the future.
Best wishes
Mahira
I love this. I love the way you deftly manipulate language to convey your point of view. It’s so beautiful. I also like the way you portion the poem off into segments. It helps solidify and emphasize each idea, so that they don’t blur together.
You have a lot of really good lines here. For example, “They are much softer than the ones on Twitter”. I love that. It’s an amazing pun, so tongue-in-cheek, and so true. Twitter can be a violently angry place. The contrast between the actual birds and Twitter makes that all the more clear. I also really like the last stanza. It’s so clever, and so solid, and when I read it I gasped. You’re telling it like it is, even though the way it is, is pretty messed up. You’re not afraid to reveal the truth, and that’s amazing.
I do have a few critiques, however. I don’t really understand why you talked about the sky in the second stanza. It seems only to serve as a sort of an introduction before you talk about speaking up and not being quiet. If that’s the case, I would suggest just starting stanza 2 with the words “I don’t like quiet”. It’s a bold, definitive statement, and it will grab the reader’s attention.
I would also suggest developing the ideas in this poem a little more. There are a lot of great ideas, and powerful statements, but there’s not a lot of detail or description. I would encourage you to write the poem in a way that people 200 years from now will understand exactly what you’re saying. Right now, it feels very anchored in current events. You have to be up to date with American news to understand it. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; there are a lot of great poems anchored in historical events. But you want the poem to still work without context, and be applicable to any time period. To achieve that effect, I would add more detail. How do you know “silence is deafening”? What made you realize that? What do you mean by the words “people hurl hate”? This could be a really great place for some descriptive imagery or metaphors to describe the awfulness of hate. Just try and add details to everything you say, so the reader can get a picture in their mind.
Overall, though, this was a great poem. I thought it was really poignant, and really addressed some of the issues our country is facing now. I look forward to reading more of your writing!
(Hmm... I keep making the same mistake. Sorry, this is the review)
Um, silverquill12, do you have a moment?
Yes?
Thank you, I was just going to say HANDS DOWN, THIS IS PROBABLY HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL LIKE.
Sorry, I just had to get it out there.
But seriously, I too, feel horrified how racism still exists. How people feel superior to another race, and take there lives away because they think they're not worth anything.
Sound familiar?
I like your way of writing as well. I thought there was rhyme in it, but it's actually free verse. That's okay, this still has TONS of weight(haha).
Overall, this is a great poem and I like it.
Oh and the first part about real birds being less annoying than the Twitter notification made me think of the Windows alert and stuff, which gave me a few laughs.
With caution,
WaterSpout
[ Edit ]
Um, silverquill12, do you have a moment?
Yes?
Thank you, I was just going to say HANDS DOWN, THIS IS PROBABLY HOW A LOT OF PEOPLE FEEL LIKE.
Sorry, I just had to get it out there.
But seriously, I too, feel horrified how racism still exists. How people feel superior to another race, and take there lives away because they think they're not worth anything.
Sound familiar?
I liked your way of writing as well. I thought there was rhyme in it, but it's actually free verse. That's okay, this still has a TON of weight(ha ha).
Overall, it is a great poem and I like it.
Oh and the first part about real birds being less annoying than the Twitter notification made me think of the Windows alert and stuff, which gave me a few laughs.
With caution,
WaterSpout