She's got this hair...
Many people have hair.
But hers...
Hers is something else.
It's so brown that it radiates gold.
It smells like rain and coconuts.
And if it touched me
I just know
it would be warm.
You say many people have hair.
But not like this.
Not like her.
She's got these eyes...
Many people have eyes.
But hers...
Hers are something else.
They're so green they seem to grow.
They're veined with gold, like a precious stone.
And if I got close enough
I just know
I could see my reflection.
You say many people have eyes.
But not like this.
Not like her.
She's got these lips...
Many people have lips.
But hers...
Hers are something else.
Hers are like the best parts of coffee.
They look soft, like a silk pillowcase.
And if I kissed them
I just know
it would be like coming home.
You say many people have lips.
But not like this.
Not like her.
She's got this soul...
Many people have souls.
But hers...
Hers is something else.
It softens and hardens with the daylight.
It leaps around her like a rabbit.
And if it died
I just know
I'd die too.
You say many people have souls.
But not like this.
Not like hers.
I've got this love...
Many people have love.
But mine...
Mine is something else.
It makes me want to truly live.
It's overwhelming, but gentle.
And if I acted upon it
I just know
it could mean a happy ending.
You say many people have love.
But not like this.
Not like mine.
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139,320 Literary Works • 672,529 Reviews
Hey! I know I haven’t reviewed anything of yours in a long time, and I haven’t really talked to you in a long time, either, and I’m sorry. You are awesome and I need to read your things more often.
With that said... let me just try and review this thing.
This is a beautiful poem! You describe this person so well. The metaphors and imagery you use are simply stunning. I think, out of all the lines, this one struck me the most:
There are plenty of other ways to say that, but now I can picture her eyes, bright green and threaded with gold. And the stanza about her soul is really, really beautiful. Normally I don’t imagine souls to be like rabbits, so the fact that you use that simile is great. Imagery like this, that is so vibrant and eloquent, is what makes this poem so awesome.
Of course, the narrative in the poem is what makes it great too. (It’s not a narrative, per se, but I can’t think of another word right now.) This feeling of falling in love is something so many can relate to. Even if someone hasn’t, your language conveys your feelings so well that I feel your emotions even through the screen. Amazing job.
I really don’t have any critiques. I just wanted to give a review and say that I was here, reading your stuff.
Aww, thank you!! It means a lot that you liked this poem, truly. There's no pressure for you to read/review my works, but I'm glad you did!! I missed you
Alice think it was so heartfelt and gentle. I fell in love with your words.
I loved the repeating lines.
And if it touched me
I just know
it would be warm.
I just thought that it could have been something else instead of the words warm
because we generally don't use the word 'warm' to describe hair.
But mine...
Mine is something else.
It makes me want to truly live.
It's overwhelming, but gentle.
And if I acted upon it
I just know
it could mean a happy ending.
I really like these ending lines.
Bye
Keep writing
Your reviewer Alice
>3
Thank you so much for your review!!
Hi there @Plume !
Very beautiful poetry, just amazing. Your poem gives a warm feeling of love
A thing becomes perfect, not when you don't want to add something to it, but that you don't want to remove something from it.
I think the above line applies to your poem well.
This poem has a certain structure, but it isn't bound by it. It feels natural.
Especially when you start describing her features, you use imagery words which couldn't be substituted by another word. The metaphors, ahhh I love it!
And finally, those last lines which are a pretty ending to this love poem.
That's all I have to say. Keep it up
Thanks!
Thanks so much for your review! I'm so glad you enjoyed it ^_^