Characters
Zissy- A socially awkward 14-year-old girl with hopes and dreams. She wants to be a singer and author when she grows up. She is Heartz' best friend.
Princess Heartz- The princess of the Golden Prosperity kingdom and wife of King Christopher the Second. She is also the mother of Prince Julian
Christopher the Second- King of the Golden Prosperity Kingdom and husband of Princess Heartz. He is also the father to Prince Julian
Prince Julian- The baby prince of the Golden Prosperity Kingdom.
Knight Alex- We'll get into him, in the 2nd Heartz Kingdom book
Merryheart, Lilac Flower, Tiddybones- 3 triplet fairy sisters who help Zissy on her quest to find a cure for Prince Julian
Aldolfo- The cruel apprentice of the King of the Midnight Magic Kingdom.
Daphina- a lonely siren resting in the bottom of the sea, who help Zissy and her friends
Katelyn- Zissy's former best friend
Jasmine- Katelyn's friend
Emila- Heartz royal advisor and Handmaiden and secretly a villian.
Chapter 1
My name is Zissy. And don't even ask me for a last name, because it's hideous.
It was like every other day at Lincoln High School. Chaotic, boring, and well... exhausting.
As I walked through the big blue school doors, shaking the snow off my coat, I noticed a American Robin bird. It's bright red feathers that looked so soft for touch.
I usually never see birds like this in this time of season. The only birds that I see from afar are those food stealing seagulls, and those annoying pigeons.
The bird chirped and picked up something on the ground. Probably a worm.
I wanted to take a picture of the robin, but I sadly didn't have a phone. My mother always said that kids without phones were much smarter. That may have been true in some cases but not mines. I was already failing physics. Thanks, mom, for signing me up for classes that I can't even get a C in.
I went to my first period class: Chorus.
I absolutely loved to sing. I don't know how I learned too, but I know why. I just love the way music flows off the tip of my mouth, and the way words sound with a perfect melody.
I took every moment to sing. In private. In public(quietly). And at home, even though it drove my mom nuts when I sing in the shower at like 3 am in the morning.
I never sing at school. I don't know why, but I never do. I feel as if my voice doesn't have a chance to be heard the way it's supposed to be heard. If that makes sense.
The class went on as usual. Boring and uninteresting.
Towards the end of my day, was my physics class, which I dreaded the most.
The teacher, Mr. Solano, was a tall man, with round glasses such as mine, and long hair tied in a ponytail. He had a bit of body weight on him and looked like one of those creepy weebs on the internet. He was a good teacher despite his appearance and always tried to make us students like him.
The only reason why I dreaded physics class was because of the kids.
I had one best friend named Katelyn, who was a mix of goth and emo. She had some red streaks through her black hair, and when she smiled, she showed off her blue braces. She always wore this Ghostface hoodie, which I thought looked really cool on her.
We were different from one another, but we were also the same. We liked almost the same artists, memes that felt relatable to us and so on.
Me and Katelyn were going over an assignment that we both didn't do and was due today. Katelyn though seemed to have other things on her mind.
Her gaze kept drifting over to Jasmine, her other friend who didn't seem to like me very much. Whenever I open my mouth, her face turns into a frown, and then she'd giggle with her other friend. Almost everyone did that anyway.
I sat across from Katelyn at our barely touched assignment, hoping to get at least a little work before Mr. Solano started collecting it. But she wasn't really there. Her gaze kept drifting, tracing the curve of the room until it landed on Jasmine and her other friends.
"Katelyn, are you even listening?" I asked, nudging my notebook.
''Uh.. yeah.''
Her attention had already snapped back toward Jasmine, laughing at something I couldn't hear.
I normally wouldn't have let something like this bother me. Katelyn had a lot of other friends, whereas, I didn't have many. She was allowed to socialize with them. But if she wanted to talk to Jasmine so badly, she could have just told me that and I wouldn't have a problem with it.
Even though they didn't know, I was listening. They were talking to about me. I didn't know specifically what they were saying, but I heard my name throughout their conversation. I pretended to write in my notebook, so they wouldn't suspect me. But it was hard doing that.
"She's... so weird," Jasmine said, loud enough that my ears cringed.
Katelyn glanced at her, smirking, then leaned back in her chair as if nothing had happened. The classroom suddenly felt smaller, suffocating. And I started to feel heat creeping onto the back of my neck.
"She always sits alone... and talks to herself. I wonder why, but I already found my answer," Jasmine continued, her voice carrying across the classroom. A few students snickered. My cheeks burned hotter than a furnace.
I wanted to disappear, to vanish into thin air, but then that would give Jasmine the response she wanted. Katelyn didn't even try to stop her—if anything, she laughed quietly.
"She's really... ugh, how do I describe it... stupid with socializing." Jasmine added, turning the words into a show for everyone. Students began whispering, glancing at me, giggling. Mr. Solano was busy at the front, oblivious.
I could feel every eye on me, every laugh, every stare slicing me in the back. Katelyn's gaze flicked toward me briefly, and I thought I saw a flash of guilt, but it was just the lights playing tricks on me.
As class ended, and everyone got their phones from the Phone home, I thought Katelyn would be waiting for me out the door so we could walk together to English class. She was standing outside, but not for me.
"Katelyn," I called out loudly, trying to catch her eye.
She glanced at me for a second—long enough to acknowledge me, but not enough to care. Her lips curled into a half-smile that wasn't warm at all. "Oh... hey, Zissy. Still following me around?" she said, her voice dripping with mock sweetness.
Jasmine snorted, covering her mouth, and the two of them exchanged a look that burned straight through me.
Before I could respond, Jasmine turned, looping her arm through Katelyn's. "Come on, let's go," she said, brushing past me as if I wasn't even there.
Then, I just stood there. Like a statue.
Jasmine was right about one thing. I wasn't good with socializing. I was never a people person. No matter how hard I tried making friends, pleasing people I thought would be potential partners, it never got me far. I don't know why I keep trying.
Outside the big blue doors of Lincoln High School, I saw the robin bird again. It was sitting high up in a tree, in its nest.
We stared at each other before it flew away.
I stood for a while, until I saw my mother's car approaching me from the side. I got in, unsure of what to make of my life.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Chapter 2- The Heartz ChroniclesPoints:
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Ah why is this not in the Green Room? I was wondering where this story went @.@
Figured I read something of yours that’s not a poem first before I continue with those xd
To the Characters. Hmmm not sure if I actually like the list of characters in the beginning. I know Warrior Cats does it but mainly bc there are so many of them that belong to like 5 different clans and have different roles in there so…
Also, why is Heartz still a princess when she’s married to the king? Shouldn’t she be queen?
If Knight Alex doesn’t appear, why does he get a mention?
Love the name Daphina.
Oh there are some real spoilers in this character list. Are you sure you need it?
Annd let’s head into the chapter with a nitpick. “It was like every other day at Lincoln High School. “ I don’t think there’s many more boring ways to begin your exciting story. Like, if it’s normal, why mention it? Usually you depict things out of the ordinary and that is what the readers are here for, no? If the characters are bored before we get to know them, chances are you’ll make your readers accidentally bored, too.
Hmm I would like a little more setting the scene before Zissy spots the bird. Like a deeper description of the normal and boring hallway she is in, so that the bright colour of the bird can really pop! :3
Relatable xd “Thanks, mom, for signing me up for classes that I can't even get a C in.“
Oh that is awful, overhearing your friend, or who you thought was your friend, talking like that abt you ☹
I still think the beginning is very slow and nothing really happens. What is the focus of this scene? What do you really want to show abt your world and your character? Focus on this and you can cut off anything that doesn’t serve your purposes :3
If you want to show the fallout Zissy experiences with Kaithlyn, you should start with that. Start with her heading to physics, really dreading the class bc she’s awful at it. Then she can reminisce abt how she’d rather have chorus but that she has trouble singing at school despite loving to do it etc. And then, you can describe the atmosphere in the class when she enters and how distracted Kaitlyn seems and then bam, gut punch. Jasmine!
Thank you for the review. The story is supposed to start off slow, and then towards the other chapters it builds more action.
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the ghoulish S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Zissy is a student at Lincoln High. She doesn’t do well with talking to people. She has one friend named Katelyn, but Katelyn has been talking to Jasmine more. This hurts Zissy, she feels lonely. But what can she do about it? At least she has the bird as her friend.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I like the character descriptions at the beginning, but I don’t think I need to know that Emilia is secretly a villain. That stays a secret until later. I want to see why Zissy is socially awkward, but I think that will happen in other chapters.
Chocolate Bar - I like that Zissy doesn’t judge people by their aesthetics. Even though she and Katelyn have different tastes, they still have stuff in common! That’s cool! I also like that she saw a robin, that feels very prophetic and like important symbolism later! ^v^ The description of Mr. Solano looking like a “creepy weeb” made me laugh a little lol. I also like Zissy’s name. It’s pretty awesome. I also liked how you described Zissy’s sadness with Katelyn talking to Jasmine more, losing a friend hurts. [While I may dress in more of Katelyn’s aesthetic irl, I’m not like her!]
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely introduction to your story! I’ll be certain to read the second chapter and other chapters when they are posted! I enjoyed reading this, I hope Zissy will be alright and…
I wish you an amazing day/night! ^v^