It feels empty in here
so dark
so scary
so...alone
with no one
life
continues in a loop
and I grow impatient of it
like chickens in a coop
they say
'pick up the phone'
'tell me what's wrong'
I can't talk about it
for no one would understand
my heart has grown heavy
with each passing day
it is carrying too much weight
and when it especially feels heavy
on a bright and sunny day
the kitchen knife looks sharp
and pretty
I like dancing my fingers on its sharp edge
but more than just my fingers
dance across it now
now, my body does
and there it will lay
my blood stretches to every
wall in my room
and covers it like paint
and me, I'm basking in it
like one would do at a pool.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
This poem is deeply unsettling in a way that feels intentional, and that discomfort is central to its impact. It begins quietly, almost gently, with repetition and simplicity that mirror emotional numbness and isolation. The short lines and sparse language create a hollow space around the speaker, reinforcing the sense of being trapped in a loop where life continues mechanically while the inner world deteriorates. The comparison to “chickens in a coop” is especially effective, suggesting confinement, noise without understanding, and a loss of individuality.
What stands out most is how the poem shifts from emotional heaviness to dangerous imagery without warning. The transition feels abrupt, but that abruptness reflects the mental state being portrayed — how intrusive thoughts can enter ordinary moments, even on “a bright and sunny day.” The contrast between light and violence heightens the shock and makes the poem harder to look away from. It forces the reader to confront how despair doesn’t always look dark on the surface.
The final imagery is graphic and disturbing, but it’s written with a detached, almost surreal calm that makes it even more haunting. Rather than feeling sensational, it reads as an honest depiction of a mind overwhelmed beyond language. Still, this intensity may be difficult for some readers, and a bit more emotional grounding earlier in the poem could strengthen the connection before the ending.
Overall, this is a raw and risky piece that doesn’t try to soften its subject. It captures loneliness, helplessness, and intrusive thoughts with unsettling clarity, and while it is difficult to read, that difficulty feels purposeful rather than gratuitous.
Thank you for you review! I'm glad you read it!
I really like the repetition in this. It doesn't have to rhyme, but it does have to revolve around a singular theme that connects it all.
The first line "It feels so empty in here / So dark/ So scary / So alone" sets the mood perfectly. What does it feel like to be "alone?" To be left out? To lack any common sense or personality, of anything at all? To lose your sense of self even though you've reached the peak of something? That's the whole point.
To be "alone" means you haven't grown up. You're looking for questions; you're looking for answers; you're looking for who you are in this world. You're looking for your maturity, which I feel would resonate with so many teenagers today. I feel this poem perfectly symbolizes the problems teenagers face, especially online.
The rest of the poem is just as spectacular. The whole theme of being left alone on the edge is a struggle among teenagers. They're too old to be children, yet they aren't ready together adults. They spend their time trying to vape in the bathrooms or, in this case, deal 2ith their insecurities. I feel this poem perfectly represents the problems many teenagers face, especially since this poem is written by a teenager.
Overall, this is a short, yet simpl, poem that perfectly represents the teenage experience and resonates with so many young people. 5/5
Thank you!
Wow....just wow. That poem had so much emotion and feeling in it. I feel you in this poem. I feel the same way everyday. "And when it especially feels heavy/On a bright sunny day/the kitchen knife looks sharp/ and pretty etc. " I relate to that part a lot you know? Don't think you're ever alone cause other people feel this way too, me included. Poetry is such a good way to express yourself. I feel you, I see you, if others don't get it at least I do. Thank you for the beautiful poem. Your not alone pookie!!!! <3
Thank you!