Obvious

by icanbefixed

Published May 20, 2010

In Poetry

Silly boy.
You make me smile and laugh
but you don't see
what's in front
of you.

My friends say
it's obvious
that
it's there.
I don't see it.

It's just you.

And now.
I'm tripping again
and
I like you
more
than I originally planned.

Sorry.

Next time
I'll be sure to get someone
that will see me
when I'm not
charming
or smiling
at them.

Because
obviously
you don't
get it.

I like you.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
ziggiefred
Review
ziggiefred wrote a review Review · May 20, 2010

Hello
Well, it is a different way to approach a subject like this. I definitely like the structure of the poem and the flow of your words. They are deep and the end where you say,
"I like you", it caught me completely of guard (in a good way), which is exactly what poetry is all about. I think the length was perfect and you nailed it.
Good job

User avatar
Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review Review · May 20, 2010

Hey icanbefixed! :D

Okay! I love your description of the silly boy who can make the narrator smile and laugh, and yet is completely oblivious to the obvious! I think it's kind of cute in a pathetic way. But I kind of wish you spent more time describing the boy rather than having the narrator endlessly talk about herself and her feelings. So more boy and less narrator! :D



I AM NOT GOING "FULL COW" ON SOMEBODYYYYYY
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