Why did summer have to go?
It will come back, that I know.
It just seems like so long ago.
All of my sleeping in late
It's gone for the year,
I'll wake up to nagging alarms.
Oh, dear.
I want to see my friends at school.
I need to have some schedule,
some rules.
But why should summer leave and school start?
Couldn't summer stay, and keep us the same way?
Summers come and summers go.
Before and after our winter snow.
But I still love the bright sun's glare,
the warm pavement on my feet so bare.
I wish summer wouldn't pack it's bags,
Leave me here with my back-pack.
I guess I just have to live life,
Look forward to next year,
the cool summer nights.
I know I'll miss it.
the late mornings, and funny frights.
The short shorts and tank tops.
the cup of coffee,
the mornings filled with facebook and TV,
the days I spent with no one but me,
the hours at night I stared at the wall,
the sports I played, me and a ball,
I'll miss the breakfast at eleven a.m.,
the texts, the phone calls, the Church (Amen)
the pavement on my warm toes
But I won't miss the mosquitoes.
"The End of Summer" by Bonnie
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Hey fixed! Welcome to YWS!
I think my favorite part about this poem was the last stanza, where you started talking about (specifically!) what you would miss from summer. That shows us, specifically, who you are and gives us an idea of your character using substantial imagery... always a good thing! I think the stanzas before it mostly contain personality and no substance... if that makes sense. So go for a style that's more like the last stanza, I think. It's beautiful!
If you have any questions, PM me. I have to go to class (eek, late!) so I have to leave. But I did like your poem. Ahh, the horrors of school!
I'ved loved everything I've seen of yours so far, Fixed.
I love how the tempo seems to wind up as the line gets longer and dwindle down as the line shortens. I think you did a fantastic job.
Sometimes if felt your wording get a little whack-a-doodle for the sake of the ever-important RHYME but it wasn't hindering, like in some pieces I've seen. If anything, your ideas floruished under the rhyming scheme.
truly yours
the universe
Thx youhs. Yeah, i showed this to a couple of adults and they said the same things about the stanzas and stuff,
I love this poem!I feel the same way when I have to go back to school you do want to go back but at the same time you'll miss all the fun stuff you did during the Summer you can't do during the school year. A lot of kids will empathize with you and will understand exactly were you are coming from.What a way to write for your audience!Keep writing!
Good poem! I like how you compared the days how you spent your summer on the last stanza:
What I love the most about your poem is that very last sentence.
I have to say-- I have to agree with you! You say what you like about school ( seeing your friends and such) and what you don't like about school ( nagging alarms ).
The only thing I'll change about your poem is to probably have a more consistent amount of lines per stanza. You see, the last stanza suddenly has 12 lines bursting out when the other stanzas have about 3-5 lines.
Anyway, I really like the topic of your poem and the comparison!
ummhhh... I only talk about winter once in this poem, please clarify so I can work on it? I love that you're correcting me, I need it, but please tell me where?
I will leave the grammatical errors for some other time.
But the concept of the poem was quit confusing, we know you are missing the summer which from the poem was made clear but as you writer and talk about the winter it doesn't really seem you miss the summer at all. When writing a poem make sure you are straight forword if its missing summer fine. The anticipation of the winter is another theme for a poem. You can write on that.
Keep up the good work