Young Writers Society

Hey fixed! Welcome to YWS!

I think my favorite part about this poem was the last stanza, where you started talking about (specifically!) what you would miss from summer. That shows us, specifically, who you are and gives us an idea of your character using substantial imagery... always a good thing! I think the stanzas before it mostly contain personality and no substance... if that makes sense. So go for a style that's more like the last stanza, I think. It's beautiful!

If you have any questions, PM me. I have to go to class (eek, late!) so I have to leave. But I did like your poem. Ahh, the horrors of school!

I'ved loved everything I've seen of yours so far, Fixed.

</3icanbefixed wrote:Summers come and summers go.
Before and after our winter snow.
But I still love the bright sun's glare,
the warm pavement on my feet so bare.

I wish summer wouldn't pack it's bags,
Leave me here with my back-pack.
I guess I just have to live life,
Look forward to next year,
the cool summer nights.

Thx youhs. Yeah, i showed this to a couple of adults and they said the same things about the stanzas and stuff,

I love this poem!I feel the same way when I have to go back to school you do want to go back but at the same time you'll miss all the fun stuff you did during the Summer you can't do during the school year. A lot of kids will empathize with you and will understand exactly were you are coming from.What a way to write for your audience!Keep writing!

Good poem! I like how you compared the days how you spent your summer on the last stanza:

the late mornings, and funny frights.
The short shorts and tank tops.
the cup of coffee,
the mornings filled with facebook and TV,
the days I spent with no one but me,
the hours at night I stared at the wall,
the sports I played, me and a ball,
I'll miss the breakfast at eleven a.m.,
the texts, the phone calls, the Church (Amen)
the pavement on my warm toes

ummhhh... I only talk about winter once in this poem, please clarify so I can work on it? I love that you're correcting me, I need it, but please tell me where?

I will leave the grammatical errors for some other time.
But the concept of the poem was quit confusing, we know you are missing the summer which from the poem was made clear but as you writer and talk about the winter it doesn't really seem you miss the summer at all. When writing a poem make sure you are straight forword if its missing summer fine. The anticipation of the winter is another theme for a poem. You can write on that.
Keep up the good work