Expectations (monologue)

by godlypopo

Published April 5, 2015

In Paragraph 1

People don't understand me... 

They think that my own thoughts and interests are 'odd' - they don't get it, they are the confusing ones, not I. Why should I force my very mind to twist and bend so it can painfully snap away from me? 

I try... I really do! Only no one believes it; I am the one who struggles under the back breaking pressure of expectations in this simple society. We all have our guardians yet I am not allowed to talk of mine - the monsters that lie under my bed are there to keep me safe, not to harm me.

Ah but we are all puppets to a greater force...

Haha! No one said I hadn't cut the strings a long time ago.

Comments & reviews · 6
User avatar
Holiday30
Review
Holiday30 wrote a review Review · Sep 25, 2015

Lol.......So I think I understand this whatever it is,(I have no Idea what a monologue is) tell me if I am right though. I feel Like you are saying every one has some struggles some expectations, and most certainly their own dreams. No person shouldn't ever let another man ambition change who they are. I gather my last part when you said "Haha! No one said I hadn't cut the strings a long time ago." I feel like this is saying you cut your ties to society. You became your own person and being, and that per say speaks Volumes to me.....I enjoy reading your creative writing style that I want to even get with you and try a calibration, cause you are by far one of the most gifted writers I have ever met. Truly blown away by your gift and here to reading many more of your stories.....Your review buddy and friend
-Kwanza Taylor

Thank you! and sure! I would love to collaborate with you ^-^ message me and we can arrange a time where we can sit down and plan :D

p.s.
A monologue is basically a speech from one person's point of view: e.g. puck has a monologue in midsummers night dream in which he talks uninterrupted and is not heard by the others. It's kinda like thought tracking. If you need more info you can always look it up :)

User avatar
Pretzelstick
Review
Pretzelstick wrote a review Review · Apr 6, 2015

Heya godlypopo, pretzelsing here for a review as requested/promised.
Let's begin, shall we?
First of all the grammatically correct way to write an ellipsis is:
Space dot space dot space dot or visually it would look like this:
. . .

Only no one believes it; I am the one who struggles under the back braking pressure of expectations in this simple society.


Two things here:
1. That semicolon isn't needed. I suggest putting a period.
2.Typo alert!: The weird in bold is spelled "backbreaking"
<,<(Together like that)

We all have our guardians yet (,) I am not allowed to talk of mine


You need a comma between yet and I.

"Hah" is very unnatural sounding so I would change that to "haha"
Overall you could really expand and lengthen. Here are a couple of points to consider:
1. What are your interests/thoughts? You only briefly mentioned that you have them at the beginning. Maybe list them?
2. Who is this mysterious puppet master that you are taking about? Did I miss something because I didn't catch anything if that sort :)
3.I didn't understand the sentence about monsters keeping you safe. That's kind of contradictory, I mean did you ever met some nice monsters as a little kid? I know from my experience as a little child that monster=mean scary etc. And that <,< is actually what I reach my siblings..I scare them by screaming monster is coming and then they freak out. Their face excursion is so funny!
Sorry for rambling there ^^ just had to say that.
Anyways I think that this is a mediocre foundation to a maybe longer more detailed and story/sequel?
Hope that this review helps you improve your writing!
KEEP ON WRITING!
Image

The character leans towards monsters which is why they are misunderstood.

User avatar
Odd
Comment
Odd commented Comment · Apr 6, 2015

They think that I am your own thoughts and interests? I see...

Odd replied · Apr 6, 2015

(Also you made a mistake, it's "back breaking" not "braking". Apart from that I like this. )

User avatar
kevin25a
Review
kevin25a wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2015

I love what you did there. Not sure if it is your honest feelings, but it has great meaning nonetheless. So many are made to be outcasts of society because they don't agree to and conform the way society wants. But the 1% isn't the issue, it's the 99% is the real problem. Because the majority kicks down the minority and causes them pain, sexually physically emotionally and mentally tormenting them. But the bullied minority are the ones who become stronger end because of what they go through and manage to still get back up from.

The majority doesn't care or even bother making an effort to understand. They believe they're right and others should accept it. It's nice to see how many here understand that, you have earned a like, follow and a fan.

Thank you so much. I agree that this is a growing problem

Yeah, I was going to click follow but forgot I already was. :) Yeah to many go unheard, unnoticed, and neglected. It's something I relate to, I have been on both sides of this. So many voices need to be heard, and so many opinions need to be considered. The true hero's of society are the outcasts. :)

User avatar
Marshymallow
Review
Marshymallow wrote a review Review · Apr 5, 2015

Wow, that is impactful... The idea that we are all puppets to a greater force (e.g. The government) is both plausible and frightening. I like how the speaker talks of them self as someone who has cut their strings since it shows that they like to be unique and avoid the trends. Another interesting aspect is that you talk of the monsters under your bed being your protectors - this tells the reader that you believe that what we think is evil actually is misunderstood. This monologue teaches us that all important message that we should accept everyone for who they are, not who we want them to be. My only nitpick is that you should have spelt braking as breaking since they are two different things. A really perculiar read. -Marshymallow

Thanks x

Random avatar
Reet3103
Comment
Reet3103 commented Comment · Apr 5, 2015

Heyyy there.

Great idea, great structure, cool skeleton. I loved your description of the confused emotions and all. Oh please write more, I want more more more more! Can't wait haha.

And I liked the monsters part a lot too.

Cool cool cool :D
Keep writing and stay blessed.

xoxo

Thank you! :D



To be a master of metaphor is the greatest thing by far. It is the one thing that cannot be learnt from others, and it is also a sign of genius.
— Aristotle, Poetics