z

Young Writers Society



Silence

by Pompadour




i discovered him in a realm of windows 
without a map--trundling down the walkway
of ever-present decay.

                                                               [a place where the glass was heavy, where the doors
                                                                  never opened, and where you had to wipe down
                                                                             every surface before you could speak.]


i discovered him as one would discover 
a shadow that they have lost, 
and found amidst a pile of ragged blankets 
that are given away/being given away.

he was like a lost glove in the snow, 
a shard of glass you do not notice until 
you step on it--unknowingly.
and by the time you have turned to look for it, 
it has disappeared again. 
a glove swept away in bitter windcall. 
a shard of glass lost in unstemmed flowing blood. 

i discovered him as if by mistake, 
and i drew him a map, 
and i whispered in his ear to tell him how he 
had saved me from many a happily never after. 

and Silence always 
listened: eyes  drawn
close together, mouth pinched, brows
furrowed, as if caught in eternal debate. 

(not over how he came to be there,
but how each tear slipped
down his face without him knowing.)

i discovered Silence yesterday, over tea and stale crumpets. 
he told me he has been wistful 
and lost, and that he wishes
i would not make him my friend. 

i told him that sometimes, my pronunciation cannot rival 
the words he knits for me in its stead, 
that sometimes unspeakable things
are the ones that give me comfort. 

yesterday, Silence learnt to speak for me. 
he discovered me wandering in a realm of windows.

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Mon Aug 17, 2015 5:16 pm
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Rook wrote a review...



:[
UGHHH POMPPPP WHY ARE YOU SO TALENTED AT MAKING MY HEART ACHE

hallo. I'm here again. in case you couldn't tell.

Something that I really liked first up is how the only word you have capitalized here is Silence. I found that to be a really effective way of stating that Silence is "him" and that he is an entity.

I really like what you did/say here. Like, I really like the ultimate and penultimate stanzas.
One stanza that isn't doing it for me is the glove/glass one. I feel like that one fails to achieve a purpose.

Also you mention that you met him in a place with windows, but later you mention tea and crumpets, and to me these things don't seem to mesh. am I missing something?

I am confused as to the significance of the map. What is it a map of? Where does it lead? Why doesn't he have one?
Another ambiguity I'm having is as to Silence himself. like, are we really referring to an absence of sound, or is Silence something else? What his his relation to the narrator again? I would just like more in this sort of area.

The words flow well and your images are nice. Again, I don't see any glaring mistakes.
Great story telling, great poem, keep writing! Let me know if you have any questions!
~fortis




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Wed Aug 05, 2015 3:40 am
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Morrigan says...



Beautiful. Also, reminded me of a beautiful play that I saw: http://www.mookychick.co.uk/reviews/art ... alypse.php




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Sun Aug 02, 2015 7:02 pm
Vivian wrote a review...



Wow, all I can say is wow.
Viv here to remind you of how great a poet you are. ;)
I love this poem, it's great, and I honestly don't see much wrong with it. There's only one typo being
"i discovered him as if my mistake" the my should be by.
Other than that, the poem is amazing. I love the similes you use and how you describe Silence and why the narrator believes that is what her relationship with this guy has come to silence. That's my perspective anyways.
P.S What inspired this poem?





Every really new idea looks crazy at first.
— Alfred North Whitehead