*This story is underneath my folder titled “Adventures of Poppy and others”. Gacha Club character designs are under my forum titled “My character designs<33[2]”. Enjoy!*
In a far off Kingdom of many jewels and many legends, where everything glittered with the iridescence of a rainbow and the huskiness of a dream, a soldier was leading her army into battle.
This brave soldier was known to her Kingdom as "Kaida the Dragon Warrior '', because of her bravery and obsession with dragons.
Why did she like dragons so much? She believed they were just like her. Powerful and full of fight. The gods had gifted to her green streaks in her hair, a symbol of endurance, a sign that she was worthy.
As Kaida led her army to battle, a soldier called out:
"STOP! THERE'S THE BOTTOMLESS PIT THAT WILL KILL US ALL!"
"Oh, calm down, nothing bad is going to happen to us. We always survive these things." Kaida said. They had to focus on fighting the opposing army, they couldn’t about something like the supposed “bottomless” pit. They usually took a shortcut to other Kingdoms, but with that particular army they had to fight, shortcuts were not possible.
The bottomless pit was nothing to fear, though. People had suggested that a bridge be built over it but no one had ever gotten around to doing it. The opposing army had already burned half of their village all because they wanted the money that royalty had, so Kaida was going to show her army that they had to keep going no matter what.
She and her horse leaped across the bottomless pit, with the power of the giving and destroying gods at their side, the order of the King and Queen, the desire to keep everyone safe and to show that she was not to be trifled with and-
And still, she and her horse fell down the pit.
.........................................................................
Kaida’s heart beat rapidly in her chest as she watched the tunnel of dirt spinning around and around, continuously. Her white horse with black, blooming spots on her fur, Kaida’s horse called “Mae”, who looked like she wanted to scream with how her eyes bulged and then…
Then the falling stopped. Kaida landed on her back on solid dirt and Mae landed right next to her. Kaida could see that buried within the walls of the dirt were small, glittering gems. Her mouth fell open as she took in how light seemed to spill everywhere in the dismal Earth.
She had seen wealth before, but never in nature. Never with the dirt and rocks. Always clean and polished, carved to perfection. Yet in the pit, she could see that they were jagged and unapologetic, beautiful enough to cause havoc.
Just like the dragons that Kaida had loved ever since she was little, the dragons that she wanted to embody. When she trained herself to work for the royal family, she believed that she was doing something righteous, something that everyone would admire. After all, the gods had blessed her, so wouldn’t that mean that she was meant to be a hero?
But some people had said that royalty had done nothing for them, that all they did was keep the money for themselves. They didn’t know the royal family like Kaida and the others, though. They had their own problems that needed to be taken care of and they couldn’t possibly give their money away to everyone, because then there would be no royalty. The royal family would be poor and if the royal family was poor, the Kingdom would fall to ruin. That was what Kaida was told, anyhow. She wasn’t one to question authority and it boiled her blood that people had the audacity to oppose the royal family.
She walked over to Mae and petted her snout soothingly. She may have been anxious, but she wouldn’t let Mae worry. No, no, she had to find a way out.
There was an old legend about a Princess named Bonnie who attempted to steal all the money from her parents just so she could have it all to herself, but when the gods found out, they turned her into an immortal humanoid dragon woman and sent her to a deep, deep pit that she could not escape from, that would appear bottomless to others. A pit where she would have to watch over all of the Kingdom’s wealth.
The only way for Bonnie’s soul to be set free was if someone who had great strength and great pride fell into the pit, then she would be able to transfer the curse to them via her fire breath and pass on into the afterlife.
It was meant to be a frightening tale told to children, but Kaida used to be jealous of Bonnie and wanted to be in her position so that she could be more than what she was and away from everyone.
Yet standing in that pit, the gems gleaming all around her in the harsh, jagged rocks, she couldn’t help but think that it would be a terrible place to live, because just how long would Mae survive and why would she want to live in a place made entirely of dirt and rocks?
“Good afternoon, mortal! Tis’ I, the dragon monster Bonnie, a once beautiful and bejeweled Princess, exiled to be a dragon monster! Come and look upon my scaled face, oh tough and grand warrior!” A lacy serpentine voice cried out from behind her.
Something had compelled Kaida to turn around, just like something compelled Mae to press close to her.
Just a few feet away from them, there stood a woman covered in gray scales, her golden eyes glittering along with her gray and green crown and armor. Her gray, feathery wings with green tips had flowed around her slowly, carefully, just like her withery green-gray tail.
“And now, it shall be you amongst the glitter and gold! What joy!” The dragon woman-no, Bonnie-cried out.
Kaida knew not what would happen, but she sensed the impending danger, so she told Mae to try and climb her way out, that the gods would help her, just that she needed to let go and then, Bonnie breathed out her Hellfire, the dirt and the gems burning with Kaida’s skin, the smell of melting coins in the air.
Melting coins that had the same coppery smell as blood in the battlefield.
....................................................................
Kaida blinked open her eyes. She found herself lying in a rusted iron cage that felt all too small for her body. She felt wings weighing her down and through the gaps of the cage, she could see that she was in a red and white striped tent. An elderly man dressed in a red velvet jacket, black pants and gray boots, a matching black hat atop his head of gray hair stood next to Kaida’s cage.
Why…why was she in a cage? She didn’t remember being put in a cage. All Kaida remembered was Bonnie breathing her fire on her and Mae…Mae! Was Mae okay? Was she able to run away? What about her village? Did they all win the war? Was everyone okay? Was the royal family still alive? What happened? Where was she?
The elderly man turned around and smiled at her, his wrinkles seeming to multiply on his face, contorting his face into something of a monstrosity and he said:
“Kaida, you’re awake! That’s wonderful! I have heard so many stories about you, so I had to look for you! It wasn’t an easy task, but I found your Kingdom and with it, your pit. Now that I’ve dug you up, you will perform at my circus! Isn’t that amazing? What’s even more spectacular is that you have finally awaken from your slumber and are ready to perform at Hunter’s circus!”
Hunter? Was that his name? And a circus? She had heard the royal family talk about circuses before but they never expressed the desire to have a circus.
But if what he was saying was true then many, many years have passed, possibly centuries and everyone Kaida had ever known was dead. How they all died, she did not know, but maybe she could try to escape-
Chains shackled to her wrists and ankles held her back. She tried to breath deep and let her fire breath burn the bars, but the fire just circled back inside of her and the bars stayed put.
“You may have worked for royalty at your time and had a divine blessing, but here, you will be just like everyone else. You’ll be just like the other performers. You’ll only come out when I say you can come out.” Hunter grinned, his teeth all too shiny and white and perfect in his crumpled, wrinkled face.
Bonnie may have been exiled, but he…he was something different. Something far more malicious. Kaida could sense the evil in him, she could feel it in how he locked her up like an animal. Bonnie wanted only to be free, but he locked her up because he heard stories about her and wanted her to perform. He wanted to display her like some sick prize that he was oh so lucky to have.
And as he walked away, she began to get a sinking feeling that the gods would not give him what he deserved, that the gods, along with her Kingdom, were gone. Whether they were dead or lost connection with Kaida over the centuries, over the sleep she didn’t remember having, she did not know.
But what she did know was that she had to find a way out, a way back to the life she knew, even if that life was only the afterlife.
She wouldn’t let Hunter keep her trapped.
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Hi there, another review for you
I like that it's a sign of god that she got Green streaks in her hair. Idk it's just a cool detail to me.
That said, I feel like the descriptions and motivations for the MC are a bit lacking in the first part. If there's a bottomless pit, how did she plan on crossing it? You mentioned that there wasn't a bridge so... I suppose they should go around it? It feels... very disjointed. Found myself going: Well ofc you fall in, if you insist on just charging at the pit.
Also, the dialogue could use a bit of polish since we're talking about what I assume are seasoned warriors. I don't feel like a leader type would use language like this:
This makes her sound very young and inexperienced. She'd probably rather try to assuage the fear of her subordinates with something specific. Maybe a throwaway line to a previous [i]thing[/it] they survived?
Wait a second! Was this all a ploy? Did she want to believe in the legend to become a cool dragon??
Oh I like this description, very good!
I wonder if the dragon course also changes your personality/persception so you can't really "enjoy" your time as a dragon? Because Kaila doesn't seem to have any memories of what happened to her after Bonnie transferred the course...
Shouldn't this be Kaila in this sentence?
Or was he initially looking for Bonnie and instead got Kaila?
Well, Bonnie was the first to be cursed by her father. Then she transferred the curse to Kaida. And Kaida spent years in the pit, trapped, until a ringmaster found her and trapped her in his circus.
But I am glad you enjoyed!
Your story about Kaida, the Dragon Warrior, unfolds like a radiant tapestry woven from threads of mythology, heroism, and poignant tragedy, a true gem in the landscape of fantasy storytelling. From the very first line, you transport the reader to a Kingdom “of many jewels and many legends,” where reality shimmers with the “iridescence of a rainbow and the huskiness of a dream.” This lyrical opening not only sets a vividly enchanting atmosphere but immediately invites us to suspend disbelief and enter a realm where magic and fate intertwine.
Kaida, as your protagonist, is strikingly well-crafted. Her identity is beautifully intertwined with her obsession for dragons — creatures emblematic of power, endurance, and unyielding spirit. The detail of the green streaks in her hair as a divine mark is a clever and original touch. It serves as a physical and symbolic marker of her connection to the gods and her own inner strength, making her stand out in a world filled with splendor and danger. This motif alone enriches the narrative, providing layers of meaning that resonate beyond mere description, and yes, it’s as refreshing and unexpected as finding bananas in a treasure chest of jewels.
Your narrative wisely balances grand mythical elements with intimate personal stakes. The bottomless pit, for example, serves as both a literal and metaphorical abyss. On one level, it is a daunting obstacle for Kaida and her army, and on another, it is a symbol of the unknown, the unconscious fears and the vulnerabilities lurking beneath the surface of even the bravest warriors. The choice to describe the pit’s walls embedded with “small, glittering gems” is a masterstroke, combining beauty and danger — much like Kaida herself, whose pride and bravery shine but who is also trapped by circumstances beyond her control. The gems’ jagged, unpolished nature contrasts with the pristine jewels of the royal treasury, suggesting themes of authenticity versus artificiality that are ripe for further exploration.
Your story’s integration of legend, particularly that of Princess Bonnie, weaves a fascinating backstory that enriches the current predicament. Bonnie’s curse — being turned into an immortal dragon woman trapped in a pit to guard the Kingdom’s wealth — introduces a complex interplay between ambition, punishment, and eternal vigilance. Kaida’s complicated feelings toward Bonnie — a mix of jealousy and admiration — reveal a depth of character and internal conflict that makes her more relatable and human, despite the fantastical setting. This emotional nuance grounds your story, ensuring it never drifts into mere fairy tale but remains a meditation on power, sacrifice, and identity.
The sudden shift from the magical to the grim reality of captivity in Hunter’s circus is striking and effective. This stark contrast — from a glorious Kingdom and divine blessings to a rusted cage and malicious captivity — evokes strong feelings of empathy and dread. Hunter’s character is chillingly well-portrayed, with his gleaming teeth and twisted smile embodying the corruption and exploitation lurking beneath the surface of what might once have been a place of wonder and joy. The fact that Kaida’s fire breath is contained, the magical power redirected inward, symbolically represents how her strength is being suppressed, adding layers of meaning to her imprisonment.
What stands out particularly is your story’s thoughtful engagement with loyalty and disillusionment. Kaida’s unwavering faith in royalty and the gods contrasts sharply with the harsh realities she begins to face — the war, the suffering of her people, the captivity, and the possible extinction of the very Kingdom she serves. This tension between faith and reality, pride and vulnerability, makes her journey compelling and emotionally resonant. It also subtly critiques systems of power and questions the cost of blind loyalty, offering a mature perspective that elevates the narrative beyond typical fantasy tropes.
Stylistically, your prose is vivid and evocative. Phrases like “the order of the King and Queen,” “the desire to keep everyone safe,” and “the smell of melting coins in the air” enrich the sensory experience of the story, grounding even the most surreal moments in tangible details. Your ability to move between grand, sweeping descriptions and intimate moments — like Kaida soothing Mae’s snout — creates a rhythm that keeps the reader engaged and emotionally invested. There’s a poetic quality to your writing that echoes the timeless nature of myths and legends, yet it never feels overwrought or distant.
A few suggestions for further strengthening the story: the pacing around the fall into the pit and Kaida’s subsequent awakening in captivity could be expanded to heighten tension and deepen immersion. Spending a little more time exploring Kaida’s emotional and sensory experience in the glittering pit — the strange beauty mixed with isolation and fear — would make her fall all the more poignant. Similarly, Mae’s fate is a compelling subplot that could be given more spotlight to emphasize the stakes and emotional cost of Kaida’s capture. A brief scene showing Mae’s struggle or escape attempts would amplify the reader’s attachment and concern.
Additionally, while the legend of Bonnie is richly drawn, there’s room to delve deeper into the nature of her curse and her intentions. Is Bonnie truly malevolent, or is she a tragic figure trapped by fate? Exploring their interaction with more nuance could add complexity to Kaida’s own struggle, perhaps blurring the lines between enemy and ally. This ambiguity could deepen the thematic richness around power, freedom, and the price of ambition.
In conclusion, your story is a dazzling, multi-layered narrative that blends mythical grandeur with human complexity, creating a heroine whose fire refuses to be extinguished even in the darkest pits. It’s a story that sparkles like those jagged gems, simultaneously beautiful and dangerous, familiar and wild — much like a bunch of bananas in a crown of jewels, unexpected but unforgettable. Kaida’s journey promises thrilling developments, and I eagerly await where her courage and cunning will take her next. Keep crafting these vivid worlds and characters; your storytelling shines with both heart and mythic power.
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